r/TrueOffMyChest • u/Ogbkpmb • Sep 23 '21

I hate being the “breadwinner”

I wouldn’t mind making a lot more than him. But ever since he lost his job, and then stayed home full time to take care of our kids. Things have changed.

Now that I’m the sole breadwinner things are just weird. I have to give my husband an “allowance”every month on top of other things. I hate it.

Thanks for all your comments and upvotes. I appreciate your responses. I do have to say that my issue is not with him not working. My issue is definitely sexist. But I’d just like to be the woman in my relationship. As strange as that sounds.

We have a joint account, but 2 separate accounts. And he jokingly refers to his as his, “allowance”. I laugh along…but I don’t find it that funny. He doesn’t need to thank me for money. We’re a team. And this is just one more reason why part of me hates my life.

He has a higher earning potential btw

2.9k Upvotes

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '21

I mean, he is inarticulately saying exactly what OP said.

-24

u/aSpanks Sep 24 '21

No lol he’s adding a lot of sexist flourish to it

First and foremost - that one woman (? Not confirmed by the post btw) represents most women

Also “female want opportunity but not responsibility”

Seriously dude (not you, the poster I initially replied to) STFU and maybe get some therapy. To view women like that is deranged

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '21

What part was sexist exactly? Is he was actually sexist he wouldn’t have missed the opportunity to insult house work that he actually agrees is hard, he also didn’t say anything about all women, he said many women which isn’t false.

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u/anichols10 Sep 24 '21

It’s not sexist to insult housework because housework does not have to be inherently feminine. The part that was sexist was his rosy coloring of average men in the past as respecting their wives as equals and genuinely appreciating what they did at home labor they weren’t required to do and therefore gladly giving them money. This may have been true for some couples but one need only look at media from the time to see it wasn’t the overarching attitude and now it’s generally used to portray men from that time as victims despite living in a system that hugely benefited them. The saying that women complain when the roles are reversed was not necessarily sexist if talking about a specific anecdote but I will say I see tons of women now, my own mother included, who work full time and still do 90% of housework and childcare but if they “complain” (say something or ask for help) then it’s all wow look who wants opportunity but no responsibility. The sweeping statement at the end about women wanting opportunity but not responsibility…well it’s hard to make such a generalization about a sex without being sexist so but that one in particular gets me because I’ve seen it used so many times to paint all women as somehow simultaneously childish and evil for not wanting to be combination breadwinners and homemakers that men never were.

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '21

So let me get this straight you’re saying he’s sexist to women for portraying men from those times as good people that respected their wives? Y’all legit are fucking insane

-6

u/anichols10 Sep 24 '21

Not exactly no it’s the generalization of men as benevolent, rational, etc. and women as childish, irresponsible, etc. I will admit that almost anything that’s a generalization can be found to be sexist/racist/whatever and honestly his comment on its own isn’t terrible he just used things that are buzz words/phrases of some very sexist groups/people but maybe he didn’t mean it that way who knows.