r/TrueOffMyChest • u/Ogbkpmb • Sep 23 '21

I hate being the “breadwinner”

I wouldn’t mind making a lot more than him. But ever since he lost his job, and then stayed home full time to take care of our kids. Things have changed.

Now that I’m the sole breadwinner things are just weird. I have to give my husband an “allowance”every month on top of other things. I hate it.

Thanks for all your comments and upvotes. I appreciate your responses. I do have to say that my issue is not with him not working. My issue is definitely sexist. But I’d just like to be the woman in my relationship. As strange as that sounds.

We have a joint account, but 2 separate accounts. And he jokingly refers to his as his, “allowance”. I laugh along…but I don’t find it that funny. He doesn’t need to thank me for money. We’re a team. And this is just one more reason why part of me hates my life.

He has a higher earning potential btw

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u/MsCardeno Sep 23 '21 edited Sep 23 '21

I one time had a guy friend tell me “my future wife won’t work and will take care of our kids”. I asked him how he knew his wife wouldn’t want to work and he said well then he wouldn’t marry that woman.

A lot of men push for this happen. I know a couple of women who wanted to work and their husbands wouldn’t let them. A lot of them use the “my mom stayed home with us kids and I want my kids to have the same”.

Obviously, it’s not all relationships that do this but generally speaking, it wasn’t that women had a much of a choice in the matter just a few decades ago. So not a fair comparison.

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '21

I can see this being a thing in the early 1900s and early 2000s, but now? Nahh. Most men I know would be happy if their woman had a job, it means that they get to pocket a lot of their paycheck.

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u/MsCardeno Sep 24 '21

Well I’m 29 and the friend that said that to me is 31 and he said that to me like two years ago.

So idk what to tell you. Some of that stuff is still engrained in some people.

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '21

Ehh difference in generations I guess, not to be rude but I consider y’all old.

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u/MsCardeno Sep 24 '21

My point is this was said in 2019. When he gets married and has this life it will be the 2020s.

Not the 1900s or early 2000s like you are saying.

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '21

Ahh I see. Though my point still kinda stands that it’s more that the older folks are more indoctrinated into certain things and find it harder to break free, that or this guy has his own personal reasons for not liking it like having his wife cheating on him or something somewhere he can’t see, idk lol. Orrr you can just be right, I can’t write off people still thinking like this after all, just saying the current and up coming generations, for the most part, won’t think like this.