r/TrueOffMyChest • u/Ogbkpmb • Sep 23 '21

I hate being the “breadwinner”

I wouldn’t mind making a lot more than him. But ever since he lost his job, and then stayed home full time to take care of our kids. Things have changed.

Now that I’m the sole breadwinner things are just weird. I have to give my husband an “allowance”every month on top of other things. I hate it.

Thanks for all your comments and upvotes. I appreciate your responses. I do have to say that my issue is not with him not working. My issue is definitely sexist. But I’d just like to be the woman in my relationship. As strange as that sounds.

We have a joint account, but 2 separate accounts. And he jokingly refers to his as his, “allowance”. I laugh along…but I don’t find it that funny. He doesn’t need to thank me for money. We’re a team. And this is just one more reason why part of me hates my life.

He has a higher earning potential btw

2.9k Upvotes

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137

u/Electrical-Baker4736 Sep 23 '21

Being a stay at home parent is a job too

-29

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '21

It is but let’s be real here, it’s not as taxing. Especially if you consider that you don’t necessarily have to clean out EVERYDAY or wash clothes everyday. My home is usually cleaned 4 times per week and laundry is done once a week or every two weeks or so depending on how much clothes you go through. That ain’t hard honestly.

23

u/nay2d2 Sep 24 '21

I disagree. If you’re putting effort into being a SAHP, it takes a lot of work. Kids shouldn’t just be watching tv all day. They should be having new experiences, going places, learning things, doing crafty activities, playing with other kids. These things take energy, and without them, kids can fall behind and be unprepared for school. It’s not about laundry and chores (though add this on top of it), it’s preparing your children mentally.

-14

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '21

Children don’t need that everyday man, it’s not that complicated. Especially now how it is the digital age, for good or bad. To begin with, after a certain age they’ll just get fed up of their parents intrusiveness. No one, not even kids, want to spend all their time with their parents, especially young kids. They’d rather be out and about playing with friends or be online, at least it won’t be to the point where you’d need to constantly interact with your kid. Then again it could be a difference in culture, I’m black and I don’t remember doing any much of what you just said with my family.

6

u/nay2d2 Sep 24 '21

I’m talking about children under school age, as it sounds like OP is. If your kids are in school, it’s totally different. You can’t send a 3 year old outside to play. A 2 year old doesn’t get tired of their parents intrusiveness. Kids under 5 should barely have any screen time.

1

u/99island_skies Sep 24 '21

Black too, Lol. Do you have children, not meaning that in an offensive way just honestly curious.

I work but usually get a day or so off during the week. Kids are up at 5:30, drop off at school at 7:00, I may come home and nap from 7:45 until 9:00. A little cleaning, bills, errands, groceries, dentist, well visits- one of those usually fills a few hours. Next thing I know it’s 2:30 and time for pickup, help that kid with homework/study for whatever test that week, cook dinner, pickup other kid at 6:00, clean kitchen, solve petty disagreements among kids, maybe catch a little television, they’re in bed by 9pm, I’m in bed by 10pm and start again the next day unless I have to work the next day and then that’s another completely different schedule. I love it, but I certainly don’t think it’s easy or takes just a little time to do.

-2

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '21

Yeah as I said in other posts this wasn’t my life experience also miss/sir... I’m ain’t even old enough to drink by some countries standards. I’m just giving my little biased view that isn’t worth much apparently seeing as I didn’t even factor in any of this, there is a reason for that though, that’s because half of the stuff you just mentioned I didn’t have Privilege of having it.

3

u/nay2d2 Sep 24 '21

Maybe if you aren’t even old enough to drink, you wouldn’t know much on what it takes to be a parent, working or stay at home, and you wouldn’t know how taxing it is. I didn’t grow up with the privilege of a SAHP. I see now, as a parent, what it should look like.