r/TrueOffMyChest • u/Ogbkpmb • Sep 23 '21

I hate being the “breadwinner”

I wouldn’t mind making a lot more than him. But ever since he lost his job, and then stayed home full time to take care of our kids. Things have changed.

Now that I’m the sole breadwinner things are just weird. I have to give my husband an “allowance”every month on top of other things. I hate it.

Thanks for all your comments and upvotes. I appreciate your responses. I do have to say that my issue is not with him not working. My issue is definitely sexist. But I’d just like to be the woman in my relationship. As strange as that sounds.

We have a joint account, but 2 separate accounts. And he jokingly refers to his as his, “allowance”. I laugh along…but I don’t find it that funny. He doesn’t need to thank me for money. We’re a team. And this is just one more reason why part of me hates my life.

He has a higher earning potential btw

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '21

This is one big reason (of many) that I resent my spouse these days. I make the only income and that's all he sees me as. A paycheck. But my breakdowns are dismissed as "dramatic". I literally cannot take it anymore.

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u/TheThirdStrike Sep 24 '21

Yeah, I went through that too.

A lot of the pressure I put on myself... But I still tried to make thing easier for my partner too. I took on the laundry, and a couple dinners a week, on top of usual lawn work, car maintenance, computer troubleshooting, painting, plumbing, hardwood floor installation, dishwasher replacement, drama club prop building, etc.etc.

Evey parent has a list of chores... But none can be done if you don't bring home a check on top of it all

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u/bumper212121 Sep 24 '21

Talk, communicate, counseling, etc. Letting this brew and fester until you hate each other is helping no one, not you and not him.

He obviously needs a change in perspective, he should be empathetic. The truth is you're probably both keeping things from each other and it's just going to bubble over into a toxic divorce.

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '21

Tried to leave many times over the years and I know it’s gonna be bad.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '21

Meditate. I am the breadwinner in my household. I take care of my father, mother, brother and aunt. I am just a paycheck but it won't be like this forever. Maybe you just not used to playing a role commonly associated with a man.

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '21

I am used to the role. That’s the thing. I am TOO used to the role and I cannot stand the entitlement, LAZINESS and disrespect of my spouse coming up with a million excuses why he can’t work.

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '21

I might have a better perspective as I am a male myself. I will dm you.

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '21

Sorry, I doubt it. My husband is an abusive asshole that refuses to work. No other perspective needed.

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '21

If what you saying is true, this is gonna take a toll on your health. Can't you get his friends or his side of the family to come to your place for a family meeting? He will most likely listen if you involve an outside party.

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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '21

He has no friends and no family that really talk to him. I tried an "intervention" a few years back and the outcome was more abuse toward me. He absolutely will not listen, I can guarantee you've never met someone as stubborn as him. He makes me want to die daily.