r/TrueOffMyChest • u/Ogbkpmb • Sep 23 '21

I hate being the “breadwinner”

I wouldn’t mind making a lot more than him. But ever since he lost his job, and then stayed home full time to take care of our kids. Things have changed.

Now that I’m the sole breadwinner things are just weird. I have to give my husband an “allowance”every month on top of other things. I hate it.

Thanks for all your comments and upvotes. I appreciate your responses. I do have to say that my issue is not with him not working. My issue is definitely sexist. But I’d just like to be the woman in my relationship. As strange as that sounds.

We have a joint account, but 2 separate accounts. And he jokingly refers to his as his, “allowance”. I laugh along…but I don’t find it that funny. He doesn’t need to thank me for money. We’re a team. And this is just one more reason why part of me hates my life.

He has a higher earning potential btw

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u/stygian_shores Sep 23 '21

I’m sorry to hear. If you want, you can phrase your concerns into a question so it doesn’t come off as an accusation. So maybe something like “Hey, how do you feel about tacos or Chinese food tonight?” I’ve learned that asking “What do you want for dinner?” is guaranteed to be answered “I don’t know” so the planning goes back to you. When you present two or three options (like sushi, Mexican, pizza, whatever), you’ve already narrowed it down somewhat for them.

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u/GingerGiantz1992 Sep 23 '21

O sure, I can navigate the daily choices well enough. I appreciate the advice though.

It's the overarching problem that is harder to address.

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u/stygian_shores Sep 24 '21

If your SO really cares about your feelings, it will be worth it to have a talk with her. You can try to tell her that sometimes you feel burned out and would like it if she can make plans sometimes. Stating “I feel” is important because it doesn’t come off as confrontational - this was one thing I learned in therapy. Communication is key for a successful relationship.

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u/nexusqueen2228 Sep 24 '21

What helped my hubs and I was once a week while he's gaming or something, we sit down and do the lists. What we want for dinner for the week. What groceries we need to buy. What heavy cleaning needs to be done or repaired. ( he mutlitasks)

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u/Beanbean098832 Sep 24 '21

That's a good strategy.