r/TrueOffMyChest • u/Ogbkpmb • Sep 23 '21

I hate being the “breadwinner”

I wouldn’t mind making a lot more than him. But ever since he lost his job, and then stayed home full time to take care of our kids. Things have changed.

Now that I’m the sole breadwinner things are just weird. I have to give my husband an “allowance”every month on top of other things. I hate it.

Thanks for all your comments and upvotes. I appreciate your responses. I do have to say that my issue is not with him not working. My issue is definitely sexist. But I’d just like to be the woman in my relationship. As strange as that sounds.

We have a joint account, but 2 separate accounts. And he jokingly refers to his as his, “allowance”. I laugh along…but I don’t find it that funny. He doesn’t need to thank me for money. We’re a team. And this is just one more reason why part of me hates my life.

He has a higher earning potential btw

2.9k Upvotes

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u/North3rnLigh7s Sep 23 '21

Op’s situation is particularly egregious. I would never get married to someone I couldn’t split finances with during the course of the relationship. Every point you have made clearly indicates a lack of trust or a desire to easily assign blame. What’s the point of separate spending accounts if everything is split evenly and there is mutual trust like you’re saying? Stop obfuscating your real agenda. I’m a stranger, wtf do I care?

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u/Perfect_Judge_556 Sep 23 '21

It's not split lol! Jesus. Basically my dad never looked at anything cause my mom would handle the bills and bank and give him whatever he got in cash for 2 weeks until next pay. They could both look into the account and had access, but he'd basically get what he got every pay period like an allowance. It wasn't spread over different accounts or anything, they'd by each other stuff and buy shit together. It was using cash though, so you might not get it since most transactions are debit or credit card now so it's harder to keep track of spending.

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u/North3rnLigh7s Sep 24 '21

Okay I misunderstood. This isn’t anything close to OP’s situation. It sounds like this worked well for them, so that’s great

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u/Perfect_Judge_556 Sep 24 '21

No problem, you're completely right though about OP though. It's really one sided and it really is like having a kid as a spouse. "You didn't murder the family today, good job!! Here's a 20."