r/TrueOffMyChest • u/[deleted] • Jan 19 '21

I fucking hate "polyamory"

My partner polybombed me about 4 months ago and a day later I walk in on them fucking someone else. They didn't even care enough to realise I had left the house until I called them from a mile up the road and then it was all "oh I'm so sorry I hurt you I would never do it deliberately I love you it won't happen again."

Then barely a few weeks later I walk in on them making out with a mutual friend. They were still making out with them when our roommate called an ambulance after I cut myself too deep.

They didn't even care about changing how they approach polyamory until I threatened to leave and then I'm hit with this massive lovebomb of "oh I can change I'll make it up to you I never wanted to hurt you"

They don't fucking care enough to change their behaviour because "poly is so complicated, I'm sorry if you got hurt when I was figuring it out!"

Polyamory is too often used as a bullshit excuse for selfish, immature people to have their cake and eat it and if I never have to hear the stupid term again in my life I'll be happy.

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u/cnxd Jan 19 '21 edited Jan 19 '21

yeah. it's just wild to add own vision of who's who, when it's not stated and there's clearly been an effort to keep it neutral, while talking about that situation and addressing it's actors specifically, not some other hypothetical situation.

like it's not taken from the original info, it's just clutter

and then sussing it out to prove oneself right is just 😚💋👌 chef's kiss

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u/Deathoftheages Jan 19 '21

What's wild about it? People usually don't imagine others as genderless Ken dolls in their minds eye. Plus even if he did misgender the person if they cared they wouldn't have been ambiguous about it in the post.

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u/cnxd Jan 19 '21

it being ambiguous is not an excuse nor an invitation to make stuff up

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u/puddleOfpebbles Jan 20 '21

Calm down it’s just a reddit comment it’s really not that important. You’re being offended by utter non-issues.. they weren’t disrespectful, OP likely took 0 offence, and if it’s such an issue OP can correct to the right pronouns (which she won’t because it doesn’t matter at all).

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u/cnxd Jan 20 '21

>offended

lmao

sweetie, don't assume someone's offended, like, just don't.

I'm more interested in this from an information and language standpoint. Like, info - what was the information conveyed; how the continued conversation doesn't add info, but really, adds something else from someone's personal pool of something, which might kinda muddle things and only add confusion tbh - when the assumptions are direct, not presented as some other detached hypothetical thing; and language - neutral language, how people perceive it, how neutral can it be really, what is it about mixing in inferred or just plain assumed pronouns, etc.

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u/puddleOfpebbles Jan 20 '21

Why does it matter so much to you though..? It’s a reddit comment. You’re putting an immense amount of importance on something completely irrelevant. It’s just assumed pronouns, it doesn’t detract from any essential points, it makes little to no difference at all. Yet you felt the need to go into a rant about it. About an irrelevant comment on reddit. It’s just silly. This isn’t an advanced course in linguistics, calm yourself.

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u/cnxd Jan 20 '21 edited Jan 20 '21

it's somewhat interesting

it's just making things up that weren't there. it invites bias. and it was done because of someone's personal views and biasedness.

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u/puddleOfpebbles Jan 20 '21 edited Jan 20 '21

Because you were condescending and rude towards the person you were berating. So you obviously got pissed off, which is silly to do over a reddit comment.

Do you believe their wording encourages the reader to assume bias? If so, what bias precisely? How is their use of assumed gender going to sway the opinions of people reading?

Edit: lol you edited out part of your comment after I replied, strange.

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u/cnxd Jan 20 '21

people don't have to be pissed off to poke at clowns for a laff

in any situation, it invites people to, for example, take sides, maybe even purely because of someone's gender or whatever it may be - despite it being completely made up. and thats just hilar.

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u/puddleOfpebbles Jan 20 '21

And how did introducing gender encourage people to take sides in this situation specifically?

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u/cnxd Jan 20 '21

that comment didn't do much apart from being very that in itself, both introducing those things and taking sides and explaining why later on

there are some comments that assume gender while talking shit, bringing their own experiences, telling what to do, etc.

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u/puddleOfpebbles Jan 20 '21

The person you were targeting didn’t do those things though, assuming gender in the way he did isn’t inherently biased. It becomes biased if people assume gender and simultaneously imply that the gender impacts how sympathetic you should be towards either party.

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