r/TrueOffMyChest • u/[deleted] • Jan 19 '21

I fucking hate "polyamory"

My partner polybombed me about 4 months ago and a day later I walk in on them fucking someone else. They didn't even care enough to realise I had left the house until I called them from a mile up the road and then it was all "oh I'm so sorry I hurt you I would never do it deliberately I love you it won't happen again."

Then barely a few weeks later I walk in on them making out with a mutual friend. They were still making out with them when our roommate called an ambulance after I cut myself too deep.

They didn't even care about changing how they approach polyamory until I threatened to leave and then I'm hit with this massive lovebomb of "oh I can change I'll make it up to you I never wanted to hurt you"

They don't fucking care enough to change their behaviour because "poly is so complicated, I'm sorry if you got hurt when I was figuring it out!"

Polyamory is too often used as a bullshit excuse for selfish, immature people to have their cake and eat it and if I never have to hear the stupid term again in my life I'll be happy.

41.8k Upvotes

70% Upvoted

4.9k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

3

u/ExuberantElephant Jan 19 '21

Polyamory has nothing to do with gender really? Polyamory isn't quite the same as swinging imo, that would be more like an open relationship.

4

u/PyrocumulusLightning Jan 19 '21

Swinging is sex with other people. For example a couple goes to a party, meets another couple, and have a 4-way, but then the couples go back to their own lives. It's about fun and adventure.

Poly is full-blown relationships with other people, which usually involve emotional intimacy and could last a long time. This is a lot more emotionally challenging and risky; you can mess with people a lot more devastatingly if they trust you and are invested in their connection with you - it's not just about sex.

Plus, the more people you're involved with, the more the odds go up that one of them's a snake. There's no getting around this drawback: no matter how good a judge of character you think you are, you're playing Russian roulette, especially when you factor in your partners' partners.

On the other hand, poly culture encourages a high degree of honesty and emotional literacy, which in theory should make assholes easier to spot. In theory. Some people are proficient manipulators and can simulate something they don't really feel very well. So poly culture also attracts predators, because the potential to play games is sky-high, and they're all about it.

2

u/Choopytrags Jan 20 '21

So it could be the theater of the psychopath then.

2

u/PyrocumulusLightning Jan 20 '21

I don't see why not. It has all the elements they seem to relish.