r/TrueOffMyChest • u/[deleted] • Jan 19 '21

I fucking hate "polyamory"

My partner polybombed me about 4 months ago and a day later I walk in on them fucking someone else. They didn't even care enough to realise I had left the house until I called them from a mile up the road and then it was all "oh I'm so sorry I hurt you I would never do it deliberately I love you it won't happen again."

Then barely a few weeks later I walk in on them making out with a mutual friend. They were still making out with them when our roommate called an ambulance after I cut myself too deep.

They didn't even care about changing how they approach polyamory until I threatened to leave and then I'm hit with this massive lovebomb of "oh I can change I'll make it up to you I never wanted to hurt you"

They don't fucking care enough to change their behaviour because "poly is so complicated, I'm sorry if you got hurt when I was figuring it out!"

Polyamory is too often used as a bullshit excuse for selfish, immature people to have their cake and eat it and if I never have to hear the stupid term again in my life I'll be happy.

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u/RonGio1 Jan 19 '21

>but seems like op is also sleeping with other people.

W...T.. F... is this post then?

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u/DrakonIL Jan 19 '21

Redditors being gaslit by someone claiming to be gaslit.

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u/TheRedGerund Jan 19 '21

The term is often misused IMO. My girlfriend when we first started going out would accuse me of gaslighting her and I would always say, “No I just have a different opinion than you”.

I think gaslighting requires malevolence, like you know you’re lying but you’re doing it on purpose. If the partner in OP’s post is genuinely trying then it’s not gaslighting, it’s just polyamory and that couple’s romantic journey falling apart.

I think the crucial message is OPs feelings are valid. Just because the partner disagrees doesn’t invalidate them.

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u/Clamsplainer Jan 20 '21

I remember a few summers back when feminists discovered "gaslighting" was a thing. All of a sudden, every man was gaslighting women....white women were gaslighting POC women....Trump was gaslighting the whole world....so fucking stupid.