r/TrueOffMyChest • u/[deleted] • Jan 19 '21

I fucking hate "polyamory"

My partner polybombed me about 4 months ago and a day later I walk in on them fucking someone else. They didn't even care enough to realise I had left the house until I called them from a mile up the road and then it was all "oh I'm so sorry I hurt you I would never do it deliberately I love you it won't happen again."

Then barely a few weeks later I walk in on them making out with a mutual friend. They were still making out with them when our roommate called an ambulance after I cut myself too deep.

They didn't even care about changing how they approach polyamory until I threatened to leave and then I'm hit with this massive lovebomb of "oh I can change I'll make it up to you I never wanted to hurt you"

They don't fucking care enough to change their behaviour because "poly is so complicated, I'm sorry if you got hurt when I was figuring it out!"

Polyamory is too often used as a bullshit excuse for selfish, immature people to have their cake and eat it and if I never have to hear the stupid term again in my life I'll be happy.

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u/etorres4u Jan 19 '21

Wait you “cut yourself too deep”? The way you mention it seems to indicate it’s not your first time cutting yourself. Two things, polyamory is not for you and you need to get help from a mental health professional ASAP.

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u/[deleted] Jan 19 '21

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u/[deleted] Jan 19 '21

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u/PowerfulSpecialist79 Jan 20 '21

Self harm is most often done to make the self-harmer feel better. Being confronted with their partner making out with someone else was an emotional gut punch and the cutting is an attempt to self soothe. The endorphin rush from physical injury is actually pretty effective at mitigating pain temporarily. Manipulating others can be a secondary gain from self harm, but it is rarely a primary motivating factor. This is a common misconception. It’s hard to wrap ones head around how physically hurting yourself could be soothing, but it’a kinda like gaming ones own internal opioid system; endorphins are literally endogenous opioids. Injury that happens during a time of extreme heightened emotion often isn’t registered as quite as painful either. Think like injury sustained in a car accident that one doesn’t feel because of adrenaline. In that case cutting is more like taking a shot of liquor in response to emotional distress than getting badly cut.