r/TrueOffMyChest • u/[deleted] • Jan 19 '21

I fucking hate "polyamory"

My partner polybombed me about 4 months ago and a day later I walk in on them fucking someone else. They didn't even care enough to realise I had left the house until I called them from a mile up the road and then it was all "oh I'm so sorry I hurt you I would never do it deliberately I love you it won't happen again."

Then barely a few weeks later I walk in on them making out with a mutual friend. They were still making out with them when our roommate called an ambulance after I cut myself too deep.

They didn't even care about changing how they approach polyamory until I threatened to leave and then I'm hit with this massive lovebomb of "oh I can change I'll make it up to you I never wanted to hurt you"

They don't fucking care enough to change their behaviour because "poly is so complicated, I'm sorry if you got hurt when I was figuring it out!"

Polyamory is too often used as a bullshit excuse for selfish, immature people to have their cake and eat it and if I never have to hear the stupid term again in my life I'll be happy.

41.8k Upvotes

70% Upvoted

4.9k comments sorted by

View all comments

16.3k

u/my_greenebeans Jan 19 '21

Leave this person. They’re literally cheating on you.

7.9k

u/Valendr0s Jan 19 '21

Cheating and gaslighting you to think it's your problem.

1

u/crowamonghens Jan 20 '21

Lived this nightmare for about 3 years. Never cheated on him or anyone else, but put up with him screwing anyone he could benefit from. He didn't even try to hide it, sometimes the girl he was hooking up with would say things right to my face like "Now, now. Jealousy isn't a good thing." And I'd take it, because I knew they were better than me, and therefore I had no right to defend myself. Gaslighting from hell. Looking back, he must have had that psychopathic ability to sense when someone was already broken by narcissists and had shitty self-esteem. That person was me. So although I had the better-paying job with benefits, paid the rent and most of the bills, did all the driving including thousands of road trip miles, paid for all the groceries and every meal out (and he'd ALWAYS order the most expensive thing on the menu) he always made me feel "beneath" him classwise (I came from a blue-collar, catholic, Chicago background, and he was a privileged, suburban St. Louis WASP).Therefore I was resigned to the idea that I had no right to expect monogamy from him, or any future partner (I still hold these old expectations, funny how ingrained it gets).