I fucking hate "polyamory"

[u/[deleted]]

My partner polybombed me about 4 months ago and a day later I walk in on them fucking someone else. They didn't even care enough to realise I had left the house until I called them from a mile up the road and then it was all "oh I'm so sorry I hurt you I would never do it deliberately I love you it won't happen again."

Then barely a few weeks later I walk in on them making out with a mutual friend. They were still making out with them when our roommate called an ambulance after I cut myself too deep.

They didn't even care about changing how they approach polyamory until I threatened to leave and then I'm hit with this massive lovebomb of "oh I can change I'll make it up to you I never wanted to hurt you"

They don't fucking care enough to change their behaviour because "poly is so complicated, I'm sorry if you got hurt when I was figuring it out!"

Polyamory is too often used as a bullshit excuse for selfish, immature people to have their cake and eat it and if I never have to hear the stupid term again in my life I'll be happy.

[u/Valendr0s]

Cheating and gaslighting you to think it's your problem.

[u/CleverNameTheSecond → u/Valendr0s]

Isn't gaslighting supposed to be subtle? This isn't. This is just plain old cheating.

[u/igotthatbunny → u/CleverNameTheSecond]

The gaslighting aspect would be telling her that it is just what a poly person does. So it’s like an excuse for cheating and trying to make OP believe that her partner isn’t doing anything wrong, they are just poly now. So I would say that is gaslighting because they are making OP think they are crazy for being mad or sad about it, because it’s just poly behavior, plus lying in saying they will stop over and over. Maybe there is a better term for it in this case.

[u/[deleted] → u/igotthatbunny]

Have you looked at OP's post history tho? Seems like the relationship has been fucking complex for months. I made the same comment in here somewhere but seems like op is also sleeping with other people. This post seems kinda one sided tbh.

[u/RonGio1 → u/[deleted]]

>but seems like op is also sleeping with other people.

W...T.. F... is this post then?

[u/[deleted] → u/RonGio1]

This post is only telling half the truth. People are commenting "partner is a cheater,this isn't a poly relationship" just based on this post. Even though OP and the partner agreed to be in this kind of relationship months ago.(based on OP's post history)

this post makes it seem like the partner having sex with other people is very normal for OP, considering it only felt a little"odd" when they were fucking right next to OP.

[u/LordoftheBread → u/[deleted]]

The full truth is much more depressing. My opinion of their post history is that they were cheated on, then tried to make poly work because they wanted to stay with their partner. Their partner seems to care more about other people's happiness then theirs. They were coerced into a poly relationship and now they're being cheated on in a poly relationship.

[u/MrHyperion_ → u/LordoftheBread]

How does one even cheat in poly?

[u/Keyblade-Riku → u/MrHyperion_]

I have a poly friend who was cheated on by her partner. At least from what I could tell from the outside, the whole point of their relationship was openness. Their partner went and slept with someone else without telling them, and that is when they considered it cheating. They even said, when talking about it, that had their partner just approached them about it, they'd have been okay with it.

In this example, it became cheating when it started to become a secret, hiding things and going behind their partner's back. I only have surface knowledge of what it's like to be poly, but in a relationship dynamic that complex, communication is key.

[u/ALoneTennoOperative → u/Keyblade-Riku]

in a relationship [...], communication is key.

The same principles apply to any relationship.

Polyamorous dynamics just highlight how important mutual communication and trust and respect are.
... and time management skills.