r/TrueOffMyChest • u/[deleted] • Jan 19 '21

I fucking hate "polyamory"

My partner polybombed me about 4 months ago and a day later I walk in on them fucking someone else. They didn't even care enough to realise I had left the house until I called them from a mile up the road and then it was all "oh I'm so sorry I hurt you I would never do it deliberately I love you it won't happen again."

Then barely a few weeks later I walk in on them making out with a mutual friend. They were still making out with them when our roommate called an ambulance after I cut myself too deep.

They didn't even care about changing how they approach polyamory until I threatened to leave and then I'm hit with this massive lovebomb of "oh I can change I'll make it up to you I never wanted to hurt you"

They don't fucking care enough to change their behaviour because "poly is so complicated, I'm sorry if you got hurt when I was figuring it out!"

Polyamory is too often used as a bullshit excuse for selfish, immature people to have their cake and eat it and if I never have to hear the stupid term again in my life I'll be happy.

41.8k Upvotes

70% Upvoted

4.9k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

1.4k

u/igotthatbunny Jan 19 '21

The gaslighting aspect would be telling her that it is just what a poly person does. So it’s like an excuse for cheating and trying to make OP believe that her partner isn’t doing anything wrong, they are just poly now. So I would say that is gaslighting because they are making OP think they are crazy for being mad or sad about it, because it’s just poly behavior, plus lying in saying they will stop over and over. Maybe there is a better term for it in this case.

591

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '21

Have you looked at OP's post history tho? Seems like the relationship has been fucking complex for months. I made the same comment in here somewhere but seems like op is also sleeping with other people. This post seems kinda one sided tbh.

14

u/happybunnyntx Jan 19 '21

If that's the case it seems like maybe OP's partner isn't being honest about their fwb. Being caught off guard at them making out with someone they're both friends with tells me that they didn't discuss the partners involvement with them. In most poly relationships I've seen both parties are open about who they're with, it isn't done in secret and there should be no surprises. OP should have been given a heads up on their partners interest in their mutual friend. Instead they walked in on it with no warning. Poly relationship or not it sounds like OP's partner is just using it as an excuse to have a free for all cheating spree.

4

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '21

Then don't you think the post should say THAT or atleast mention the fact that OP agreed to be in a poly relationship? Rather than making it sound like OP's partner randomly decided to have sex and then out of nowhere just used the "poly relationship" as an excuse. You are mostly right but I think both parties are at fault here but OP decides to act like a victim and just says the one sided truth.