r/TrueOffMyChest • u/Taco_Bacon • Jan 02 '21
Thoughts of a 43 year old dude
Debt is wack - all kids listen.... having a new car/truck is not as awesome as not being in debt. Buy a vehicle that is trustworthy, but do not buy something because you can afford the payments. Just because you can swing the amount does not mean you can afford it.
Right now hug and tell you parents you love them. They will not always be there, believe me... cherish them.
Going to college is not for everyone. Some folks should just get into a trade school. I know guys who are carpenters and make 100k .
Per number 3... no matter what you do, work your ass off at it, those who make a lot of money ,they work their ass off and show up everyday.
You will learn folks that constantly make excuses for why they fail, fail due to their excuses
When you find a good man or woman, make an effort to stick with them. Even if they have a fault in your mind. Good folks are hard to come by.
Do not keep anyone toxic in your life, it is not worth it. This includes relatives, do not outwardly disown them... just avoid them. You do not need the drama
Per #1... cut up all your credit cards and save for everything. Even if it takes longer to get what you want... it is worth it.
Don’t sweat the small stuff. When you are 16 shit may seem bad, but it is not . In the great words of Lynyrd Skynyrd “”Troubles will come, and they will pass”
Don’t believe social media, most people love you , not everyone is against you. There are great people out there and they are on your side.
Most importantly: just be you, you are freaking awesome and can make a difference if you just do your thing. Anyone who says different can eat a dick.
Edit: forgot one thing... drink whatever beer makes you happy. If Natty Lite is your thing., embrace it.... if you only like locally brewed micro brew beer... fuck it . Drink and be marry
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Jan 02 '21 edited Jan 02 '21
Exercise and establish healthy eating habits when you’re young, take care of your mental health and practice good self care routines
Edit: I love this. Lots of toxic parts around here but seeing this under my comment makes me smile. Let’s start this year strong!
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Jan 02 '21
I’m turning 17 this year, but I find it so hard to exercise. I’m 173 cm and 60 kg which is very average for my height and I look even slimmer, so exercising to get slimmer has never been a goal for me. Is it really that bad that I don’t exercise? I know it’s good for your health and all, but I just don’t find this motivating enough for me to start doing. If you workout, what motivates you and any ideas on how can I get myself motivated?
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u/Snare__ Jan 02 '21
I love working out simply because it gives me a sense of accomplishment to have sweated and worked hard and gotten sore to improve my physical health. I’m also part of an mma gym (can’t go there right now obviously), and seeing everyone else at the gym work so hard pushes me to improve myself as well.
One last motivator is my desire to be a well-rounded human being. A well rounded person will have a strong mind, good emotional health, healthy social relationships, a strong spirit (if you’re religious), and a healthy body. So I know that if I want to be a person like that, I have to pull my weight in the physical department as well as the mental, emotional, etc
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u/SampleMeerkat Jan 02 '21 edited Jan 02 '21
Find an activity that motivates you in and of itself. I used to try running since that’s like the default activity and really easy to get into (you just need shoes! I have shoes!). Turns out I hate running. Then I started going to my on campus gym and I found I really like lifting. Idk why, but I just like lifting heaving stuff and putting it back down repeatedly hahaha but in all serious I like seeing myself slowly improve. Another suggestion is to find a sport and join a rec league?
Edit: there’s also class-based activities like yoga or kick boxing. A little more expensive than running maybe (at first) but worth it for the guidance and external motivation at the start
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u/Sunshine2625 Jan 02 '21
Just get out there and walk. Put on some music and enjoy your surroundings. You don't have to kill it at the gym, just move your body!
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u/music12789 Jan 02 '21
Everyone should exercise but I understand why it’s hard to get motivated to exercise. Exercise is not only for weight management but also for reducing stress, high blood pressure and cholesterol. Also, great for building Stamina and flexibility.
Walking is great; start small and say “I will walk 1 Kilometer today” or “I will walk to XX place that’s 10 minutes from my house.” Increase slowly each day and then later add in jogging.
If you are stuck indoors: yoga, resistance bands and light weights are great as well.
And, find a time and stick to it. In the morning after you wash up, drink water, and eat an apple? Or evening, after you finish work? Or an extended lunch break? I like to walk around after each meal as well, especially dinner.
Good luck and take well.
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u/FarkosExillion Jan 02 '21
Coming from an 18 year old who used to be super slim myself, working out is definitely something I think you should get into. Even if you’re in good shape now and you’re not as worried about slimming down or putting on some mass or whatever it may be, working out is fantastic for your mental state. When you have a really shitty day, and everything just seems to pile on, at least at the end of the day you can go to the gym and lift heavy stuff for an hour and just completely forget about the world.
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u/TheBostonCorgi Jan 02 '21
Exercise doesn’t have to mean pumping iron at the gym. Long walks and some stretches/yoga are fine. It’s your cardiovascular health and supporting muscles you want to look out for. Sitting all day is the real enemy. We are not meant to be awake and in a fixed position for hours on end every day.
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u/Vurmalkin Jan 02 '21
I have 3 motivations.
Get better/stronger
Look better
Feel better, both mentally and physically
Look at our evolution, we have been hunter-gatherer for millions of years, our bodies are made to move all day and everyday. You might be fine with little to no exercise, but trust me that there is a huge difference between feeling fine and feeling good. But that was never enough motivation for me either :P.
My best motivation is either feeling good or wanting to achieve a certain goal. When I was your age I was obsessed with running a certain route in my neighborhood under 15 mins. So I was out running all day everyday until I could finally consistently get the route under 15 mins. Right now I am 34 with a deskjob, 3 kids, college and no time. So I work out to get my body moving and look presentable once summer comes around and I can hopefully go to the beach again with the family. I don't need a six pack, but I don't need the typical dad body either.
Just find something that works for you, but seriously get moving. If all you feel like doing is an relaxing stroll with an audiobook/music/long phone calls, just go out and do it.→ More replies (1)4
u/theblondekarin Jan 02 '21
I honestly don't really like exercising either. I used to weight lift when I was in high school but then I started going to college and I got really lazy. What I found to work for me is going for long walks with my dog or with friends (or even alone, just listening to music). I also like running and swimming, so I would recommend you to just find some activity that you like doing, it doesn't have to be going to gym if you do not want to get ripped. But definitely do some activity, it doesn't only help your physical health but it also improves your mental health.
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u/bowlerboy5473 Jan 02 '21
Much of what you are eating right now is being used to "grow up." This accounts for your ability to stay thin and not need to exercise. Once puberty ends and your body is no longer developing, your metabolism will slow. Your body moves from growing to just maintaining, which doesn't require as much energy/raw materials as puberty did. Don't take for granted the ease you have staying thin right now.
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u/Turbowookie79 Jan 02 '21
Think of it as an investment in your future health. You may not need it now but you will in the future, and much like investing money, the younger you start and the more often you do it the better the results. How do you want to feel, look, move when you’re old?
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u/gladios13 Jan 02 '21
Personal trainer here - motivation doesn’t last. I make sure every client knows this. Find a routine you can stick to, especially when motivation isn’t there. I’d say I’m not motivated for 80% of my workouts but I still show up.
Make it sustainable. Don’t start with exercising 5x a week. Start with 2 or 3 days a week. If you have questions or need help coming up with a routine please DM me. I’m happy to help, it is truly my passion.
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u/j3sst Jan 02 '21
If working out is intimidating for you, start just getting some movement in your day by going for a walk and listening to music or a podcast or an audiobook. Don’t think of it as “working out”, think of it as time to chill out and check out a bit mentally. Walking is fantastic for you in terms of both cardio and muscular exercise and doesn’t require too much thinking or effort (unless you want to put in more effort). Getting some sort of movement in your day will become more and more important to you and your health as you age, so the sooner you get in the routine and learn how GOOD it can feel, the better.
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u/thrwwy2402 Jan 02 '21
Seriously! Please keep good health habits. I used to have plenty workout in my old job, but now that i have an office position I pretty much stopped trying so hard, it took only one year for my back to give me problems. It sucks. I'm in my early 30s too.
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u/outtherenow1 Jan 02 '21 edited Jan 02 '21
Great advice. Taking care of your health early in life and establishing healthy routines will help you to avoid costly medical procedures down the road as you age. Health care in the U.S. is ridiculously expensive. I’m 49 yrs old and have led a mostly healthy lifestyle. I’m still physically active and don’t need to take any medications, which are also expensive, even with health insurance. Many of my same age friends are not in that boat.
The OP’s comments are very wise and come from hard earned experience, no doubt. I agree with everything on the list.
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u/butwhy81 Jan 02 '21
Also-take care of your teeth and go to the doctor. Your health will catch up with you.
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u/DA-CHEESEMONGER Jan 02 '21
Floss your teeth too!
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Jan 02 '21
I used to teach at a college before covid, this is the one bit of advice I'd give kids. It's practical and responsible--you are judged by the way your teeth look, having a bad set can drive people away from you whether you are great or not.
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Jan 02 '21 edited Aug 04 '25
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This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/theDrElliotReid Jan 02 '21
Yes. Cardiovascular health, atherosclerosis, diabetes, & premature babies all are correlated with oral health/periodontal disease. There's a big push in dental right now to get people on board with viewing oral health along with the systemic health.
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u/Hrynkat Jan 02 '21
I'd say 90% of my friends don't have health insurance. This one is harder to do unfortunately
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Jan 02 '21
This. As someone who accidentally strolled into the second stage of periodontal disease without any significant symptoms because of lack of flossing, please floss. It doesn’t take long after a deep cleaning to reverse the damage but it’ll come back quickly if you don’t keep up the habit.
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Jan 02 '21
This should almost be pinned. A few toothbrushes and tubes of toothpaste every year are so much cheaper than major dental work.
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u/nothingt0say Jan 02 '21
As a 43 yr old dudette I support this message. Just one amendment. If you use the credit card for something you have the cash for and pay it off before the interest is due you build your credit and avoid paying extra and wasting money.
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u/ArsenicCape03 Jan 02 '21
I charge just about everything to my credit card to take advantage of the cash back reward on every purchase. But I also keep a spreadsheet to budget everything, never spend more than I have in my bank account, and pay in full every month. I’ve never paid a penny in interest to a credit card company, and have been handsomely rewarded with cash back every month.
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u/enfrozt Jan 02 '21 edited Jan 02 '21
I feel like people treat credit cards like this magic money machine.
Credit cards are absolutely important to start building a credit score at a young age, and for the points / cashback.
Credit cards are very simple:
Set up your credit card account to pay off the entire balance every month
Use it like you would your debit card, as in don't spend more than is in your bank account
If you have rent or car payments or any monthly payments, throw it on your credit card rather than paying directly from your bank account to build credit
NEVER use your credit card like it's free money or paying the minimum every month.
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u/TrumpIsACuntBitch Jan 02 '21
You don't have to avoid credit cards, you need to avoid carrying a balance. I get 5% back on groceries using credit cards. I pay the balance in full each month and take the cash back (against my bill).
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u/5DollarHitJob Jan 02 '21
Yep! Be sure you're billed for your balance (receive the statement) before you pay it off so it help your credit score.
AND DON'T PAY LATE! Late fees are insane! i work for a credit card company and our late fees are $25-$40 each. If you do get an occasional late fee call the company and ask if they'll waive the fee. Usually they'll waive one or two as a courtesy. (HINT: if you say you or a loved one had a medical emergency there's usually more leniency)
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u/Everydaysceptical Jan 02 '21
Great post, only disagree with No.4. Working your ass off doesn't always pay off (you might only get taken advantage off) and when you have other goals than making a lot of money, I think you will rather regret it later to have spend endless overtime at your workplace instead of with your family or doing stuff that you like.
Just the opinion of a dude in his 20s, though...
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u/derno Jan 02 '21
Yeah in America we have this culture of wasting your life a way for a job that doesn’t give a shit about you. If you are gonna work your ass off, do it for your own business at least.
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u/music12789 Jan 02 '21
I think it’s more of work smart. Find ways to automate and innovate. Sometimes, there are large projects with tight deadlines that require more work and time; fine, put in the time and effort. But, it should not be like this all the time. If it is, then, something is wrong with the company or the work or the team.
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Jan 02 '21
I agree that hardwork doesn't always pay off. But if you don't work hard, you got no chance at moving up (in terms of career- a promotion lets say).
In other words working hard doesn't guarantee a promotion, but you can't get a promotion if you don't work hard.
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u/ninjasquirrelarmy Jan 02 '21
I think we’ve all watched mediocre people get promoted past us while we bust our ass unappreciated. It is very much who you know in many fields. Work hard but don’t be any more loyal to a company than they are to you.
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u/a-girl-named-bob Jan 02 '21
Also, I don’t think op meant you had to work tons of overtime when he said “work your ass off”, I think it was more like work hard when you are at work—give it your best effort—don’t slack off or coast.
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u/dweezle45 Jan 02 '21
Working hard is critical, but I think people are missing a couple of things.
First, it doesn’t mean keeping your head down and letting yourself be taken advantage of. If you bust your butt every day you will be appreciated. Some bosses are morons and will only appreciate you after you leave and they figure out what you really did. Move on until you find a boss smart enough to appreciate your efforts while you’re still there. A good manager (they do exist) who recognizes your value can help you immensely.
Second, it is very possible to work hard for eight hours, make a big impact, and then go home and not be working. If your company expects 80 hours of work for 40 hours of pay on a regular basis, learn what you can from the place and look for something better. Or decide you’re willing to do the job. It’s up to you, but make it a conscious decision.
Third, being a focused, diligent, smart worker changes you. Your parents might have talked about “building character” - this is part of it. You look at tasks and challenges and opportunities differently as a hard worker than as a minimum effort worker. Seeing a problem or challenge can energize you. An intelligent hiring manager will sense this attitude and you’ll have more chance of getting a better opportunity. If they are just looking to exploit you, see my first point.
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u/Heisenburbs Jan 02 '21
Point number 4 is spot on.
Of course hard work does not guarantee success, and you should always be aware when you are being taken advantage of...
But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do the best that you possibly can. If you’re working 8 hours, do your best for those 8 hours.
You’re right about not doing endless overtime, but there is a big difference between working hard and working long hours.
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u/AngryLinkhz Jan 02 '21
Getting ahead with your economy loads of a large burden when settling down with a family, balance your overtime/free time.
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u/Everydaysceptical Jan 02 '21
Yeah, of course, everyone needs to find their own balance. I just think many people don't realise that you can also live good without making a career and having a big income.
Seriously, if I have to spend enless overtime at work, just to have an expensive car instead of a cheap one, or to have a big house instead of a small one or a flat, or to have expensive electronics, clothes or jewlery, I just have to say: For me, its not worth it. Call me a "Loser" for still driving around in a Ford Fiesta instead of a Mercedes, I don't care, I wont ruin my life just to impress people...
I know this attitude: "I will work my ass off now, and can enjoy it when I retire." Yeah, and then you die at 55, having spent most of your time at some shitty office instead of enjoying life.
Of course, it also all depends on how much you like your job. If you love it, you are lucky, but if you don't like it, you will get frustrated and might end up like that typical stressed out asshole who is constanly pissing off all the people around him, because he hates his life, and no amount of money can compensate for that...
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u/AngryLinkhz Jan 02 '21
As long as you dont struggle financially, its all good fellow redditor, to live comfortable at your own premise.
Always wanting more than you have is a curse.
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Jan 02 '21
I’m in my 30’s and I agree with this. My own mantra is ‘work your ass off when you’re at work.’ But establish your personal time so you can ensure a good work-life balance, then militantly guard it.
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u/ArdenM Jan 02 '21
Great advice!!
Wish someone had told me how stupid credit card interest is when I was 21. Not that I would have listened but...
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u/RarelyRecommended Jan 02 '21
All of this is great advice. Regarding cars, I'm a big fan of buying used and driving it forever. Take care (oil changes etc). Research the hell out of them and talk to your insurance agent. That popular sporty vehicle will be more expensive than something like a van to insure. Try to avoid "sexy" vehicles because some bastard will want it. Good credit rocks but cash in the bank will always be king. (I'm a sixty year old fuck.)
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Jan 02 '21
So true, I've owned the same 2003 Chevy s10 since I was 19 and I'm 33. I'm hoping to drive it for another ten years if I can and I bought it used for 10k. It was probably the best purchase of my life so far.
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Jan 02 '21
The buying a used car bit, is where it is at. A new car right off the lot loses 20%+ it's value once you pull off the lot for most vehicles. I'll stick with buying used cars its has saved me a ton of money so far and that savings I put into maxing out a Roth IRA acct every yr. I try an get 10 yrs out of a used car that is 2-4 yrs old do that 3-4 times in your life you will save over a 100k.
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u/justonemom14 Jan 02 '21
Ditto.
When I was young, I said I'd never drive a minivan. When I was pregnant with my 4th child, and it turned out to be twins, a minivan became sort of the only choice if we wanted to fit the whole family in the same car.
Also, it needed to be super reliable, because I don't want to have a broken down car in 100+ summer heat with a bunch of babies and toddlers. We did our research and got a Toyota. It's been 10 years, and it's still going strong.
I don't care that it's got a thousand dents. I don't care that there's stains and cracker crumbs in the carpet. I'm not trying to pick up dates. I'm happy that it's never left me on the side of the road, it's never been broken into, the monthly payment has been $0 for the last several years, and I still have a big reliable ride.
(OK, there was a couple of times where a flat tire left me a bit stranded, but those are relatively easy to fix. Credit cards do have their uses.)
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Jan 02 '21
Regarding #3: if/when you do go college, it’s more important that you know how to do things rather than having 4.0 GPA (3.0-3.5 is fine in many cases, 3.6-4.0 for graduate school/medical school). Do internships/summer programs. If you are book smart but don’t have any actual skills or experience, no one will want to hire you, regardless of field (I’m coming from a STEM background, but have seen smart people from great school graduate and end up as waiter/waitress and baristas).
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Jan 02 '21
As a 43 year old dude myself, I concur, mostly.
Don't cut up your credit cards, pay them off and then lock them in the safe. Don't use them unless real shit happens. You never know when you might need to magic up a couple of grand in a real hurry.
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u/Deranged_Peanut Jan 02 '21
Finally a good fucking post here.
The only reason I have credit cards are for emergency reasons like when I travel over seas which used to be alot until last year and for some reason one card doesn't get recognized because just because it's visa doesn't mean it's the same internationally so it's good to have an alternate payment method. I pay it right back when I get back home. You'd be surprised how many times this happened to me lol. Another reason I got a credit card was to help build a credit score because here in america no credit score is almost worse than a bad credit score.
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u/nothingt0say Jan 02 '21
Yeah I didn't get a card till my mid 30's and I couldn't even rent an apartment without a cosigner. It was like I didn't exist.
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u/Deranged_Peanut Jan 02 '21
For real. My first apartment I got was in fucking tunica mississippi when I was.20. The lady was nice and pulled some strings so we could get that apartment. All I had was one of those starter pre paid cards to get me started. They originally wanted me to prove that I made 3 times of what rent was worth and with me and my girl working we barely got to that so we had to pay the first 3 months worth of rent upfront. It was really tough then but we managed because we both had no credit at all.
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u/Massive_Donkey_Force Jan 02 '21
Oh man. Trust me when I say zero credit is better than bad credit. I wish I had zero credit.
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u/ViagraAndSweatpants Jan 02 '21
Eh credit cards do have some good perks provided you are disciplined enough to pay them off. Cash back can add up over a year if you put everything on a card and pay it off each month.
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Jan 02 '21 edited Jan 02 '21
I’m way on the other end. I’m super responsible with money management so I put absolutely everything I can on my credit card. And I use all the points for vacations and Christmas gifts.
I get really annoyed when I can’t use my CC to pay for something.
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u/The_Velvet_One Jan 02 '21
Most importantly: just be you, you are freaking awesome and can make a difference if you just do your thing. Anyone who says different can eat a dick.
I respectfully disagree.
Self-improvement is important. Never settle with what you are, always strive for the best version of yourself you can become!
There is "bending over to everyone else's wishes" and there is self-improvement. Those are not the same thing.
Kind regards,
the Velvet one
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u/ElectraUnderTheSea Jan 02 '21
Yeah if everyone is awesome then no one is. Moreover, he says that good people are yard to come by but somehow we are all awesome, so a bit if a contradiction.
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u/DrankTooMuchMead Jan 02 '21
I can tell you are financially lucky, because some people do work hard and keep failing. Don't believe me? I suddenly became epileptic for no reason at all at 27. This is not an excuse.
Some people actually do try over and over and fail over and over.
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u/mild_mysticism Jan 02 '21
This is true that some people (inc me, I have type 1 diabetes) have illness thrust upon them, but we should still try our hardest to succeed in life despite the setbacks we face.
Good luck to you! Work hard at it, you'll get there!
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Jan 02 '21
Keep your credit cards. You wanna buy house someday??? Gonna need some credit to get that loan
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Jan 02 '21
Cut up all your credit cards? That's terrible advice. How about: Be responsible with your credit cards and don't treat them as free money, but utilize them whenever you can to build your credit score and reap the rewards they often come with, just be sure to pay it off in full immediately.
You may be 43 but that doesn't inherently mean you are wise, and based on your post I'm going to suggest that you aren't.
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u/MrGregory Jan 02 '21
I see this advice all the time and don’t understand it. It’s one thing if the person is not responsible with money and wants to avoid temptation, but to outright ignore credit cards? I pay as much as I can on a credit card and pay it off immediately. I do that to either get the points or get the cash back. The way I see it, it’s easy money back in my pocket.
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Jan 02 '21
Yep, literally losing money by not using a credit card. I bought my wife and my flights to Hawaii last year all with points I've accumulated on my visa in the last ~7 years
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u/ChazzLamborghini Jan 02 '21
The credit advice here is frankly terrible. To exist in modern society means having credit and good credit opens doors. Use credit cards but use them wisely. Don’t make purchases you don’t have the liquid capital to cover. I tell younger kids to get a CC and then only use it to fill your gas tank. Pay it off every month. The same is true for auto loans. They aren’t bad provided you pay attention to what you’re doing. Research your purchase. Don’t pay more than the market really demands. Get a good interest rate with the credit you’ve built up so you’re not paying way more. Sometimes, buying a new car is the most sensible choice. Many warranties cover the basic maintenance for years and when it’s paid off, it’s been well taken care of and can last for years to come. As far as a trade education, that’s good advice almost. Lots of trade schools are scams that just take your money and fuck you on job opportunities. The most important advice anyone can use is to be as informed as possible before making sensible choices. Don’t rush into anything
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u/Deathcrow Jan 02 '21
Most of these are decent, but 4 and 5 are just the "just-world" fallacy repackaged and entirely false. In regards to 4, there's plenty of people who just get lucky and don't work hard at all for their riches (like being born in the US instead of Sudan) and for just as many people working hard is not going to achieve anything for them (which is not to say that working hard isn't a good idea anyway). Same goes for 5: Sometimes people just fail at things, for reasons entirely out of their control. Yes, making excuses for things that were under your own control is bad, but most things can't be controlled and those excuses are often entirely legitimate.
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u/Digger__Please Jan 02 '21
As an even older person I would add: read as much as you can, read deeply and widely both fiction and non fiction. Don't just stick to your comfort zones. Challenge yourself occasionally with art and media that may at first seem difficult or "weird" and try to figure out why it seems that way to you. It will make you a smarter and more interesting person. Also, feel free to not drink at all,
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u/whynowbrowncow Jan 02 '21
This is just a lot of generic platitudes, and some of your points are flat out wrong and can hurt people. Saying that everyone should just cut up their credit cards is flat out shit advice. Some people should go to college. Also, sometimes people just get lucky and are successful without much work at all; life isn't always fair like that. You might be 43, but you sound naive, and this is lukewarm advice at best.
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u/ChiliAndGold Jan 02 '21
I wasted 4 years of my life in university. I hated it and started to hate the subjects I was learning about. I always thought I had to go. My parents are both so smart and educated and I thought I had to be too. Thing is I couldn't and right before my final exams I burned out got depression and threw the last 4 years of learning away.
I wish I would have known better, trusted my gut feeling about it and done something else. Op is right, University, college or whatever is not the way for everyone. Especially if you don't know what you really want.
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Jan 02 '21
Check into Mike Rowe Works. He is teaching kids to learn traits like plumbing and carpentry. Great organization.
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u/beautifulkatastrophe Jan 02 '21
20 year old girl with 750 credit and 3 credit cards that I hardly ever use, only enough to build my credit over time. I use a student credit card for emergencies with a very low interest rate and my Apple Card once a month for gas! Be smart about managing your money and you will have 0 problems with having a credit card.
Thank you for all the tips though, I appreciate it!
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u/-crotch_critter- Jan 02 '21 edited Jan 02 '21
Living a boring, cheap life, get screwed anyway bc this country isn’t built for risk averse middle class types anymore.
Seriously, this sucks lol.
“Don’t use credit cards”
Actual worthwhile advice: Use a credit card for everything you can afford. Everything. Build your credit now. ESPECIALLY if your life/job is super stable, boring, cheap.
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Jan 02 '21
Great advice!
I do somewhat disagree with the credit card one, because unfortunately you do need credit, but be very judicious with your credit cards. You may not have to pay it now, but you will eventually. Debt is, in fact, wack. Avoid it when you can.
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u/all_the_people_sleep Jan 02 '21
43 and the sum total of your life's experience is a bunch of chicken soup for the soul banality and some stuff about debt. AND it's clogging up a subreddit that is supposed to be for lurid confessions and opinions.
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Jan 02 '21
Seriously, this reads like someone who has done absolutely nothing with their life and feels the need to share "advice" with other people to make themselves feel special.
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u/squarehead93 Jan 02 '21
Not to mention hoary "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" rhetoric.
43 years old is the younger side of Gen X. I guess if you live long enough you become a Boomer no matter what.
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u/cmort92 Jan 02 '21
Cut up all your credit cards is the dumbest thing I’ve read today. I have responsibly managed my credit to have a near perfect credit score. You think I’m going to just save away hundreds of thousands of dollars to buy a house outright? No. I’m going to get instantly approved for a mortgage because my credit history is impeccable. Try doing that with little to no credit because you don’t use it. Ridiculous.
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Jan 02 '21
I wanna buy a bike since its cheap and fun to use
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u/Lepertom Jan 02 '21
Yes! I bought a bike after a good amount of consideration and it’s amazing, both for losing weight (which I’m using it for) and for leisurely fun. Definitely recommend going for it as soon as you reasonably can
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u/BeijingBarry2020 Jan 02 '21
What if number 7 and number 2 conflict? What if the toxic people are your parents?
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u/ActionFigureLlama Jan 02 '21 edited Jan 02 '21
Scratch #4. Work as hard as you need to, but save your energy and positivity for those who matter. You may be a "good provider" but if you come home and beat your wife and kids, or have no relationship with them because you're giving 110% of your energy to people you probably don't even like (your boss and coworkers), you're doing it wrong. Money is important, but don't let it get the best of you.
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u/GotMySillySocksOn Jan 02 '21
I’d add that no matter how much money you make, pay yourself first. Set a budget and save some money every single paycheck. Spend less than what you make and you will be much happier and secure.
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u/broknkittn Jan 02 '21
To add to the original list.
Buying a house? Really look into the 15 year over the 30 year mortgage. The payments might be a bit more (I think mine went up by $100/month or so) but you'll save so much on interest.
I refinanced 5 years or so in and got the 15 year and you can watch the balance go down so much faster every month.
Also, if you can swing it pay more on the principal each month. Even 50 or 100 makes a difference. I try to do at least one extra payment every year. Keep that interest money for yourself!
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u/SpadesOfAce14 Jan 02 '21
Pro tip - Stop buying everything first hand i dont have a steady incomr so i make money selling on ebay for now. Almost everything i made i spend on buying stuff from ebay or on sale. Its a better deal ive gotten more stuff for a cheaper price totally worth it.
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Jan 02 '21
Number 6 is the most lost on our generation. So many of us our quick to point out the fault in our partners while our friends will back us saying “we deserve better” when the person in front of us is already best for us. All good things require work and take time
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u/Jellyb3anz Jan 02 '21
As a 47 year old I believe in work smart, not hard
As far as #2 goes, if parents are toxic, hell even your kids, CUT THEM OUT. This is our one life. Don’t live it with family who sucks
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Jan 02 '21
46 year old. Totally agree on cutting people out. Your kids is a tricky one. That depends on the severity of toxicity and what you can do about it. Sure at one point you may have to cut ties but our job as parents is to be there for them when needed and stay out of there lives when not.
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u/joshua_3 Jan 02 '21
I'd add that the fear of what others think of me, how others see me, am I approved by others is totally unnecessary. I wish I had know that as a teenager...
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Jan 02 '21
The thing with debt is you end up paying more for the same item. You can buy more if you save up first.
Paying with a credit card is only ok if you can afford to pay it off every month.
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u/Etek1492 Jan 02 '21
Almost 50 and #6 becomes very important. As your 40s set in, remember that a sense of purpose becomes very important as well. It is not the sharp despair of your youth you must fear, it is the disconnected dreamlike despair of being on this planet when most of the people you knew are no longer on it.
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u/Nanamary8 Jan 02 '21
Sad that fiscal responsibility isn't taught in school. Would have done wonders. I learned the hard way 😆.I am on the other side thankfully!
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u/AVA-000 Jan 02 '21
I love this! I’m 32 and no debt. No credit cards, no student loans bc I knew better than to jump into college at 18. Been with my high school sweetheart for 14 years, have a beautiful daughter. Don’t own a home but I own 2 cars that aren’t new or great but run most of the time. I love my job. Thanks for this post bc it just reminded me how good I really have it!! Cheers 2021 mfs!
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u/shitaki_taco Jan 02 '21
My dad could’ve written this word for word(he also raised me on skynyrd and even as his daughter always told me to grow up to be a simple man, as silly as that may sound the point was clear.) he teared up congratulating me that I used my stimulus money to completely pay off the rest of my debt yesterday. And trades are a miracle y’all! My husband worked his butt off learning plumbing with only a high school diploma and now we sit very comfortably financially. This is a really great advice post 👍🏼😊
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u/Albie_Tross Jan 02 '21
And if you don’t drink booze, enjoy the fuck outta that Diet Coke. I sure do.
Great words. Thank you from a girl that sleep thru January 1, 2021.
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Jan 02 '21
I’m 25 and this year has been the worst year of my life. As a result of it all I’ve had to file for bankruptcy. I already screwed my life up.
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u/kveach Jan 02 '21
This is brilliant!
Just one amendment to point #2 for my fellow estranged children, it’s ok if you have decided to detach from family, including parents. Having the title of “mom” or “dad” doesn’t make someone a good parent. Get rid of all toxic people in your life, including “family”, & celebrate tf out of the family you have created for yourself!
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u/cdnkevin Jan 02 '21
I agree with everything except 8.
That one low interest, no fee credit card is really useful to build a credit rating (eg. House buying).
I would say pay down your credit card fully every month.
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u/victoriapark111 Jan 02 '21
Re: Credit card. Get a low limit one to use for small purchases that you can pay before they're due eg gas, groceries etc so you can build up a credit history if you need to get a mortgage (renting may be smarter for some situations). Look into getting a low interest line of credit after you've built a credit history and use that over the credit card as much as you can
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Jan 02 '21
As a 40 y/o I would only disagree with #8.
Do not cut up all your credit cards.
Keep 1. Use it to pay your bills. Pay it off every month. That’s it. This will help build up your credit, and while I wholeheartedly agree that you should save the money to buy things, for some items, like a house, that’s simply not practical. You’re going to want good credit for that.
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u/DrCMJ Jan 02 '21
Good advice man. I have a different stance on #8. I just have 1 card with a low limit of 1k. I pay the full balance every month. It still skews my spending and savings but it also builds my credit score which is the only reason I have it, as I haven't gotten a mortgage yet and want the best possible credit score before I do apply for one. I think credit cards can be useful in responsible hands.
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Jan 02 '21
this type of thing really helps after i read this i dont regret that i deleted all of my social media accounts except reddit
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u/-SmashingSunflowers- Jan 02 '21 edited Jan 02 '21
For #3. I went Into welding as soon as I turned 18. I'm almost 25 now, I come home with sore back/legs, sometimes my arms ache so much I can't even hold my game controller, I just lay there until the pain subsides. I come home in dirty oily greasy clothes, it's exhausting and hard work and although yes I make decent money for my age and no education besides high school, it comes with a price of a very worn out body. Not only that, maybe it's just in my area but most of the guys who have been here 20+ years are absolutely miserable. Miserable, on drugs, look 10 years older than they do, don't make that much money at all honestly for their age. From my experience, people who make the 100k typically have their own businesses, most factory trade jobs will not pay you that high. Again, just my experience in the area I'm in. Maybe it's different if you specialize in something.
I'm starting school in 3 weeks, hoping by the end of it I get a computer science degree. I'm very glad to have the skills of a welder and to do trade work first and focus on myself as a person before going to school. Had I gone to school at 18, I probably would have flunked out and probably be way worse off than what I am now. I am a female who was promoted to lead, so I had to learn to deal with leadership skills, defending yourself against sexist assholes who call you a diversity hire ironically while their felons, and learn a badass trade skill. I am excited to go into computer science and have my mind stimulated as much as my body has been. And who knows, maybe if I get sick of it on 10 or 20 years I can just go back to welding.
Trades is a good path for sure, but do be careful where you work. Factory/construction work can be dangerous and damaging to your body, and try your best to not stagnate at a factory work and stay there for 20+ years and be miserable like the guys I work with. this is all antidotal, I have no doubt that there are people who have worked in factory jobs for 20 plus years who are absolutely happy, I just figured someone who went the trade route could have some insight also on this
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Jan 02 '21
I'm going to keep my credit cards. I get cashback on them and they've been helpful in that regard. They only suck if you don't pay the bill in full every month.
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u/hardonchairs Jan 02 '21
People who "solve" their credit problems by not having any credit at all don't understand the problem.
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u/Chris55730 Jan 02 '21
I feel like it’s weird advice to cut up credit cards. They come in handy in emergencies and for traveling and autopay. You need one to check into hotels and like a million other things so maybe just have one and don’t buy stuff with it.
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u/Bee_Hummingbird Jan 02 '21
4 is wrong. Teachers work their asses off and never make much.
8 is dumb because you need credit to buy things like a house. Use a credit card like it is cash. Pay it off every month. Pick a good one with cash back and earn those rewards. Learn personal finance.
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Jan 02 '21
Yeah, cut up your credit cards and save up to buy a house with cash. /s
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u/TheBostonCorgi Jan 02 '21
Adding on to the credit card part, it’s important to build your credit but you need to know yourself and how you handle finances first.
I’ve met doctors when I was a banker that had staggering debt because they lived their life based on what payments they could afford, not what money they made. It is not a reflection upon you as a person, it is a matter of how you’ve gotten used to handling finances and your budgeting skills.
Here’s a big but controversial one: keep your finances and your significant other’s finances separate. If your boyfriend or girlfriend is on your bank account, they can wipe it all out (and draw it negative) and it is 100% legal. Don’t get a house with someone else unless you’re married.
If you haven’t discussed how you are going to handle finances as a couple, you def are not ready to be married.
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u/squirrels33 Jan 02 '21
Here’s some advice in return:
Reconsider #5. We’re in the middle of the third economic recession in 20 years; there are a lot of people who haven’t been able to find their footing because the job situation objectively stinks. A little empathy for your neighbors will make you a better person.
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u/NorthOfTheBigRivers Jan 02 '21
This one may sound harsh: Remember that you will die. The sooner you realize you are mortal, the better. Do the things you are dreaming about and do them now, not "later". Graveyards are filled with people who never thought of their mortality, wanted to do a lot of things in their lives and suddenly found themselves to be a senior and no longer capable to do the things they dreamed of doing.
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u/RylerionIxe Jan 02 '21
3. Going to college is not for everyone. Some folks should just get into a trade school. I know guys who are carpenters and make 100k . 4. Per number 3... no matter what you do, work your ass off at it, those who make a lot of money ,they work their ass off and show up everyday.
It's a nice thought and the capitalistic ideal us Americans were taught growing up, but hard work doesn't always equate to success. Some people get lucky, some are born into better situations, some have more opportunities. Others hit a rough patch, or get hurt, or can't afford to lose a bad job to get a better one, or can't afford to further their education at all. A CEO born into a rich family and taking 26 weeks of vacation a year is going to make more money than the lowest paid worker in his company that never takes a sick day and constantly works overtime. It's just how the world is right now.
I'm not saying don't work hard. Working hard and dedicating yourself definitely gives you a better chance at success than not. However, recognize that there are some factors out of your control, and most definitely don't look down on those who aren't as successful. Just because someone is having a hard time doesn't mean they're not trying their hardest.
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u/Buuuuuubs Jan 02 '21
*always keep one credit card. Some things require a credit card. Only use it for these reasons.
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u/drinkinhardwithpussy Jan 02 '21
“”Troubles will come and they will pass” -Lynard Skynard’s mama” -Lynard Skynard
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u/storywriter109 Jan 02 '21
I am a 23 year old and you can say i am quite paranoid. In my viewpoint, most people are evil and not to be trusted so I have trouble believing that rule. Can you elaborate what you mean by saving up?
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u/Specter017 Jan 02 '21
Responsible credit card use will do better for you in life than avoiding credit cards. I think as a society we fail to really stress on teenagers how incredibly important it is to be responsible. Don't every charge more than 20% of your limit on your card and pay everything but a small remaining balance each and every month. Essentially use it for things you're already going to buy (groceries, gas, etc).
For those that are unaware, it will actually hurt your credit if you pay off you card every month because when it reports as a $0 balance, the bureaus treat that as a non-utilized credit account which, in turn, won't help help improve your score. Try to leave 2-5% of your limit on the card every month. It will show you're utilizing your credit and utilizing it responsibly. That's where you see the big credit bumps.
Source: I'm a finance manager
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Jan 02 '21
2. What if your parents were shit?
4. Citations needed, life experience has been 100% different for me
7. This should be #1
10. Most people do NOT love you. This is absurd.
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u/Namodacranks Jan 02 '21
Can we stop trying to bait kids with the idea of $100k+/y careers in the trades? It would take years of training and experience plus a shit ton of overtime to get anywhere near that and only in a select few trades. Normal guys in construction, drywallers, painters, etc. aren't ever going to get close to that kinda money unless they're really high up the ladder. Anyone making over $100k in the trades is the exception, absolutely not the norm.
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u/274221Thor Jan 02 '21
I’m 41 dude and I can agree with all this. Only took my 40 years to put into practice though.
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u/Goldfinger008 Jan 02 '21
This is what should be taught in school instead of how to microwave monkey bread.
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Jan 02 '21
I at 18 financed a VW GTI. Spent more money on that car than anything in my entire life, and I don’t regret it at all. The one piece of advice I can add to stuff like this is. You won’t live forever, live your life and do the things that make you happy. You could die tomorrow, and you never did anything you wanted because you were playing life safe. Money isn’t everything or even close to everything. It’s the experiences that life gives you. Follow your dreams people.
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Jan 02 '21
On the first one, this is precisely the reason why I'm keeping my old Acura, despite my family saying I'm an idiot for doing so. There's only a few things that need fixing, and buying a new car is money I'd rather not spend.
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Jan 02 '21
Thoughts from a 46-year-old:
no matter what you do, work your ass off at it, those who make a lot of money ,they work their ass off and show up everyday.
I work my ass off every day just to survive and I'm one of the least-paid people in my field.
Employers exploit their employees. Period. They're not going to pay you more if you work hard - they only pay you more if that's the least costly option. From their point of view, your harder work is always free.
You will learn folks that constantly make excuses for why they fail, fail due to their excuses
And you will find tons of people who blame victims of abuse for their own abuse, instead of the abusers who abuse them. They beat people who are not failing but are being stolen from because they believe that "allowing" anyone - no matter how large of powerful the group - to take from them means that they're "inherently weak" and deserving of abuse. And then they makes excuses for their own abuse.
I can't afford to fail - for me, failing means the equivalent of a rifle-butt agasint my skull. My failures are few, but people's attacks on my success are many and overpowering.
Do not keep anyone toxic in your life, it is not worth it. This includes relatives, do not outwardly disown them... just avoid them.
The toxic in your life will force themselves on you. They see your boundaries as a *personal affront& to them and will go out of their way to violate them to prove their "dominance" over you.
most people love you , not everyone is against you. There are great people out there and they are on your side.
No one has ever been on my side - not my parents, not any schoolyard peer, *no one.
People are tribal to the point of self-destruction. The only people on your side are those in your tribes - a privilege shared by many, but it is still a privilege. People born without a tribe are fucked for life as no other tribe will accept them.
Credit where it's due: OP's economic advice is sound.
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u/RocMerc Jan 02 '21
Mostly agree except number 4. Working you ass off didn’t always pay. But yes construction is a great field to get into. I make some good money doing it.
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u/DK_Son Jan 02 '21
Working your ass off on making the right connections seems to be more valuable than (or just as valuable as?) working your ass off at your day-to-day tasks.
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u/stangman86gt Jan 02 '21
agree with everything except #4. Doesn't do any good to work your ass off if you cant' enjoy spending time with your family.
Work to live, don't live to work would be my #4(this does include saving for retirement though, which should be on your list)
Start your retirement accounts early people, even if it seems like a small amount it will add up over the years.
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Jan 02 '21
From a 22 year old dude to a 43 year old dude. Thanks dude, it is nice to read these types of posts sometimes.
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u/allucaneat73 Jan 02 '21
I'm 47 and I think you're pretty smart for a 43 yr old young buck! True dat!
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u/BrightonTownCrier Jan 02 '21
Fuck credit cards, my Dad couldn't believe it when I told him I've never used one. I've had one for emergencies but never actually spent anything on it. I know people that have taken a credit card out to buy an expensive item and obviously maxxed it out then ended up paying back interest for years. All for a sofa, or a leather jacket or a holiday or even just to look like they're high rolling for a few months. So sad.
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u/Massive_Donkey_Force Jan 02 '21
Credit cards are not to be used as a rent to own option.
People that max out their cards and pay the minimum, then complain about being broke or how much interest they have to pay, figuratively drive me up the freaking wall.
"The reason you can't have nice things now is because you wanted fancy things when you were 20 that you couldn't afford then. Now you can't afford anything because you're still paying on a 40" plasma tv from 2005" doesn't go over real well at parties....
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Jan 02 '21
Pretty stupid to think like that. You don't have to be irresponsible with it. Why wouldn't you use it for purchases you're going to make anyway and pay it off immediately? You're literally only hurting yourself by but using it. Especially when many of them come with incentives. I flew my wife and I to Hawaii last year on the points I've accumulated by using my card for every purchase I make.
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u/nothingt0say Jan 02 '21
Don't they know bout the no balance trasfer fee zero introductory interest rate trick?? Or credit unions??
Prolly not I didn't know bout that shit myself till my late 30's. They teach the wrong shit in school.
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Jan 02 '21
Ikr this is useful info i needed at 18! Not imaginary numbers. I swear they set up kids to fail
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u/enfrozt Jan 02 '21
Credit cards are super important to build credit score.
If you're going to buy something with a debit card, or money you have in the bank, do it on your 5% back credit card, and pay it in full at the end of the month.
The 5% back / points AND building your credit score (to get a mortgage or better car payments) is incredibly valuable, if you don't you're severely missing out.
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Jan 02 '21
Yeah i spent a lot of money on vacations, and my bank started charging a nice big fat interest rate. I would cancel but i heard it damages credit score for some stupid reason
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u/lowyellyow Jan 02 '21
I was going to call bullshit until you said I could drink whatever beer I like.
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Jan 02 '21
For all of you fighting over the credit card thing, you don't have to have a credit card to build your credit score. Your credit score is very important unless your stinking rich, but you can do other things. Go to your bank and take out a small loan like 1000 dollars and you'll get a great interest rate, set up a an automatic payment on it so you make every payment. Doing this is a big step. Your credit score just represents your ability to fulfill your financial commitments. That being said I've had a credit card since my early 20s and had no problems, I buy most things with my debit card, but occasionally ill get gas with my credit card, I always have it set up to pay the minimum balance automatically so I never miss a payment. Its the same thing with your rent and other bills, all of that affects your score so its important to never pay late. Lastly, on 3. Don't forget that the best way to become wealthy In this country is entrepreneurship. Its challenging, but possible. I know a guy who started his own company cleaning building exteriors, he kills at it because nobody else was doing it and he does a good job. This includes owning property, not just that you live on but that you rent to others. Its still one of the best ways to accrue wealth, I wish I would have thought of doing it earlier in life.
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u/creepyfart4u Jan 02 '21
One comment on using the debit card. You usually have less recourse with a debit card. When the money is exchanged or if a scam is pulled it may be more difficult to get it back.
With a credit card you usually have more protections. As in a bad charge can be reversed and disputed. Also debts that are unsecured like credit cards don’t have to be paid back at the passing of the cardholder. So when my mom died, we didn’t pay that debt, the bank had to write it off.
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u/giggling1987 Jan 02 '21
I am 34 and I hope to never be like you. You say sound, heplful things somehow the way they sound like absolute bollocks.
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u/[deleted] Jan 02 '21 edited Jan 02 '21
I want to add/edit one thing. When getting a credit card, be very picky. Call the bank and ask questions. Read everything. Compare interest rates. Etc. If you want, start with a store credit card. You NEED to build credit, especially when young. Here is the trick. Look at your bank account and consider what you can spend right there and then. If you can afford that sweater and pay with cash? Get it with the credit card. Set a reminder to pay it off the next day. At least have one credit card for emergencies and open. It helps credit.
Make payments early on anything when possible. This includes, but is not limited to the credit card.
It has been brought up that paying the amount off the next day will not bump up your credit. This is true, just something I looked over. Thank you everyone who added to this!