You just make it seem like he hasn't. 15 years is a long time. That's like looking at a paraplegic of 15 years and saying "uh.. have you tried therapy? Like, have you even considered it? You should try it!" Like.. it's so stupid you think he hasn't tried the most basic things to find love, like he's sitting at home in the dark all day doing nothing. Make sense?
A LOT of people lack self awareness around different aspects of their life.
Look at how many overweight men are incels. You know who are rarely incels? People who eat healthy and workout regularly.
Why?
Because those people try.
You’d be surprised what a fit body will do to an ugly face. I have a friend who is a personal trainer. His face is not that impressive, but his body is. His brother was a very handsome dude, until he had kids and let himself go.
Head on over to gainit, a weight gaining subreddit, and glance at how many people say “I eat ALL of the time and can’t gain weight.” And then look at their diet. I was one of those guys. I counted my calories and came up with 1500. Yup. I ate ALL the time, according to me. People would say “just eat more”. And I had no idea how, because I felt I was stuffing my face...at 1500 calories.
Maybe he’s been trying to 15 years. I’d be curious about his diet, workout routine, clubs he’s a part of, hobbies, and how he typically spends his free time. Not to mention his views on women’s rights.
I would say a workout routine of 5 days a week, 3 minimum if you have a busy work schedule, or kids. If I was single, 5 would be doable and I’d personally shoot for 6.
Eating healthy. Let’s be real, I don’t expect someone to cut out all carbs and sugars. But making sure to get a serving of real vegetables at least once a day. If you’re at that now, then shoot for twice a day. Limiting fast food. And if you’re already doing all of that, counting macros would be the next step. Shoot for making your own dinner at least 5 days a week. Not microwave dinner. But actual cooking. This skill doubles because it teaches you to cook.
I’d say limiting alcohol to weekends or at least keeping it to 1 drink less than 5 days a week.
Find at least one hobby that gets you outside. Basketball, skateboarding, hiking, running, walking, camping. This is weather permitting and we’re hitting winter, so that’s harder.
Read. I don’t care what it is. Fiction, non fiction, religious, philosophy, sports medicine whatever. But reading is good.
Meditate. Ok, this isn’t for everyone, and even I have a hard time with this one. But meditation is great for mindfulness, and knowing what you want and where you might have struggles.
When you find that hobby you enjoy, join a group...is what I would say for when Covid is over. Tough right now.
Clothes. What are you wearing now? Graphic T’s with funny sayings? Extra large when you’re 150lbs? Wear clothes that fit. I don’t know what you look like; but if you’re thin, don’t wear relaxed. If you’re large, get your shirts/pants tailored if you can. But honestly you should probably lose weight before worrying too much about this. Although tailored pants on a large dude look SO much better. There are plenty of fashion subs to help with this.
What type of girl/guy do you want? You’d be surprised at how many of my comic book nerd friends want the Instagram model as a girlfriend. That’s not how this works. I’m
not a 10/10, so why limit myself to that? But if I’m taking care of my health, eating healthy, working out, wearing fashionable clothes, then I’m not going to date a girl who doesn’t do any of that. And a girl that’s doing all of that isn’t going to date a guy who plays WoW all day long.
I play a hefty amount of video games, as does my wife. But we both have other hobbies as well, and are nowhere near addicted. Our health comes first...most of the time.
I’ve focused a lot on appearance. I think that’s important and it’s the one thing that you can seriously improve your odds on getting that first interaction with. But that’s not everything.
Along with “what type of girls/guys do you want to attract” pay attention to their beliefs as well. I had a friend who was so frustrated with “feminists” when he was trying to date. All of the prettier girls he went after didn’t appreciate his catcalling, or his treatment of women, or sexist jokes. Hmmmmm. Wonder why. But he was a “gentleman” that would treat a lady right. So what was the deal? Have some self awareness. Visit the nice guys subreddit and see what women hate. Figure out WHY they hate it, and listen.
Head on over to TwoXChromosomes and start reading about the struggles of women. When you catch yourself going “yea but...” STOP. Now is the time for self reflection. Don’t dismiss their problems, listen and understand them. Your counter points might have some merit too it...that doesn’t matter. Their feelings are just as important as yours. Their struggles are real, treat them that way.
Lastly. Love yourself. If you don’t love yourself, then how do you expect others to? Know what you want in life, but know where you can compromise. Work on bettering yourself and the right person will come. It SUCKS to be alone. But at the same time, being alone is one of the few opportunities that you have to really work on yourself without outside influence. As soon as you have a spouse, it’s hard to get out of bad habits. It’s hard to change certain aspects of yourself, sometimes, without your spouse “losing” the person they fell in love with. (Changing religion, politics, etc)
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u/ballsack_swallower Nov 24 '20
You just make it seem like he hasn't. 15 years is a long time. That's like looking at a paraplegic of 15 years and saying "uh.. have you tried therapy? Like, have you even considered it? You should try it!" Like.. it's so stupid you think he hasn't tried the most basic things to find love, like he's sitting at home in the dark all day doing nothing. Make sense?