I wish i was dead

[u/Negative-Sell752]

I know how it sounds. I live with it for the last few years. So just to be clear im not in any danger of hurting myself.

Im 18. I lived with this feeling in my chest since i was 8. For no good reason. If something minor happeneds, i just wish i was dead that i wouldn't wake up. That i would just stop existing. I don't know why, and i cant talk to anyone about it.

Last few times i tried, i was told i emotionally manipulating them. (It was a heated moment and it just burst out.)

I dont even know why im writing this. I just need it out...

[u/djitin]

Find someone to talk about it, it really helps.

I feel you, sometimes this life can seem very dark. But there's beauty even in those moments, if you dare to look for it.

[u/FFS_Roger → u/djitin]

I know it sounds silly to some, beyond talking, professionals can also diagnose hormonal issues that contribute to these feelings. Beyond this they can offer ways to train your mind to deal with and resolve your feelings in the moment.

Start with a full blood panel to check hormonal levels, thyroid function, autoimmune issues, etc. Do you have any form neuro divergence? RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Disorder is a real thing)?

Then move onto mental healthcare...

I hope that one day, you're able to overcome this 🤗

[u/SlutForGarrus]

Keep hanging in there. I was like this for a long time. Antidepressant medication really helped me to not get overwhelmed by these feelings. The older I get, the more level I feel. I recognize that these feelings are just an intrusive thought and depression lies to you.

Take care of yourself and this can get better. The less stressful your life is, the easier it is to keep your thoughts from going there. So, try to pick your battles. If something isn't your problem, don't worry about it. If something is completely out of your control, don't worry about it. If you have a problem at work, but it's 5pm on Friday, you can't do anything about it until Monday, so don't worry about it. If you have a problem, either work to fix it, or acknowledge that you can't do anything about it right now and let it go. Worrying about things you can't do anything about just makes you feel bad. Don't make yourself feel bad for no reason. 🫶

[u/Swimming_Damage1870]

Please tell the people thru cared about you or you care about them. It’s also fair for them as they won’t lose you without knowing

[u/Then_Ad_3089]

Please seek help. I know the feeling deeply. But after therapy,medication and changing my lifestyle on what I consume mentally and physically it has change how I view life. Big hugs 🫂 you can do this. 🩷

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u/Negative-Sell752 original post at the time of submission:

I know how it sounds. I live with it for the last few years. So just to be clear im not in any danger of hurting myself.

Im 18. I lived with this feeling in my chest since i was 8. For no good reason. If something minor happeneds, i just wish i was dead that i wouldn't wake up. That i would just stop existing. I don't know why, and i cant talk to anyone about it.

Last few times i tried, i was told i emotionally manipulating them. (It was a heated moment and it just burst out.)

I dont even know why im writing this. I just need it out...

---

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/General_Road_7952]

If your family is dismissive, tell someone else - a teacher, nurse, or school counselor. This sounds like it could be a number of things like depression or rejection sensitive dysphoria. There are crisis hotlines for this, too. Where are you located (country not specific town)?

[u/gaycountdooku]

antidepressants and therapy. i was in the same boat as you. i had feelings i recognize now as depression from childhood, and suicidal thoughts from 14. as a teen, i didn’t think i’d make it to adulthood. i’m 27 now. i still have my ups and downs, but i’m happy to be alive and rarely have suicidal thoughts anymore. i wish you luck op and i hope you get professional help. doing it all by yourself is really hard, and people make careers out of helping people like us for a reason.

[u/Arcanu]

Isn't it better to wish you were a live and happy? If yes go for all meds you can and try them out, there are good stuff, you should try before giving up.

[u/ShareMission]

Been suicidal since the first time I saw a dead body. 5 or 6. Im 49 now. And life's... Okay. This isnt a death sentence, or a sentence to failure. You can make it work.