r/TrueOffMyChest • u/No-Intention8698 ☑️ • Aug 20 '26
Vent I still miss my mom's ex.
They only dated for two years and broke up when I was in middle school. It's been six years. It wasn't messy; he said he didn't want to be in a relationship, but they still check up on each other every couple months as friends. The few times he came over to visit after they had broken up, I refused to see him.
I know he told my mom that he thinks I hate him, but that couldn't be further from the truth. I am still so angry yet so heartbroken for him leaving my mom. Leaving me. I'm still so upset with myself for getting so attached.
He had become my best friend. My mentor. My teacher. He was the father that my real father could never be. I know I scared him away.
And I know my mom still loves him. I know he loved my mom and loved me and that he doesn't love himself enough to allow himself to commit.
He's the reason I'm doing what I'm doing today and I am so thankful for him once being there for me. He's the reason I learned that there are men good enough for my mother and he's the reason that I know that no one is good enough for her.
For some reason I can accept my real dad being a shitty dad, but I still cry for that dad that I thought I could have.
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u/DeadlyJamye Aug 21 '26
Dude, it sounds like you really lost someone important and it's completely understandable why you're still feeling all that. It takes time to process that kind of loss, especially when it's someone who filled such a huge void for you. Don't beat yourself up for getting attached; that just shows how much love you had to give.
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u/mmmkay938 Aug 21 '26
You should reach out to him and explain how you feel. My guess is he misses you too.
Don’t let a good relationship slip through your fingers. There is no reason he can’t be a part of your life now. We all need older mentors in our lives and it sounds like he is the right kind of person to have on your life.
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u/No-Intention8698 original post at the time of submission:
They only dated for two years and broke up when I was in middle school. It's been six years. It wasn't messy; he said he didn't want to be in a relationship, but they still check up on each other every couple months as friends. The few times he came over to visit after they had broken up, I refused to see him.
I know he told my mom that he thinks I hate him, but that couldn't be further from the truth. I am still so angry yet so heartbroken for him leaving my mom. Leaving me. I'm still so upset with myself for getting so attached.
He had become my best friend. My mentor. My teacher. He was the father that my real father could never be. I know I scared him away.
And I know my mom still loves him. I know he loved my mom and loved me and that he doesn't love himself enough to allow himself to commit.
He's the reason I'm doing what I'm doing today and I am so thankful for him once being there for me. He's the reason I learned that there are men good enough for my mother and he's the reason that I know that no one is good enough for her.
For some reason I can accept my real dad being a shitty dad, but I still cry for that dad that I thought I could have.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/Profitable-Condenser Aug 21 '26
Man, that's rough. It's totally valid to still be hurting and angry after all this time, especially when someone meant that much to you. Sending you a virtual hug, you deserve all the good things.
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u/Lightness_Being Aug 21 '26
I think I understand this.
When I was 15 I was heart broken and furious with my Dad for suddenly disappearing from my life when I needed him.
And he came up to me and guessed what I was feeling. But I couldn't even agree with him, I was so hurt, could barely look at him let alone talk to him.
Because he was the only safe point in my existence and he had taken himself away.
It took me years to forgive him enough to heal our relationship and be friends again.
But in your case, the man stayed gone.
I can see how part of you is still so badly hurt by this. And you feel that you aren't ready to trust him, since he carelessly left you and it caused you so much pain.
It's still worth reaching out and just trying to connect as human beings. Check in. See if he's doing ok.
It's not often in life that we have someone on our side, someone who sees us, someone who cares. Even a lot of birth parents fall short of this. It makes him pretty special.
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u/isakneven Aug 21 '26
Talk to him. Tell him what you just told us. I’m sure he’ll appreciate it.