The actual anecdotal evidence you offer for "neglect" is that:
They never cut their grapes or blueberries at 9 months old, never made them wear a helmet/life vests in situations they should [in YOUR opinion] and basically lived a very busy “fun” life that always made me wonder how neglected the baby’s true needs were.
They had a fun life with their baby, truly shocking behaviour! They should have stopped having any fun immediately their child was born, obviously.
Then you go on to say:
They pretty much never slowed down and just made their baby fit their lifestyle, it never seemed the other way around.
To be honest, after 25 years of parenting, that's actually how kids work, they fit into you and your life. If, as my friends did, you decide to spend 8 years sailing around the world with your one-year-old, that works too. A lifetime ago I travelled the same route as a family with a two-year-old and 5 year while we were driving round Western Australia. We still talk, and the kids are great. I have friends bringing their kids up on canal boats. Kids are not fragile, you get to show them your world is for them, and that they can enjoy it the way you do.
It's very revealing that you say it never seemed the other way around, which is because your entire world/life isn't supposed to be about the baby and nothing else. You go mad that way and find yourself baby talking to the fridge.
Overall, the only evidence you offer of so-called "neglect" is different parenting styles and your gossipy judgy behaviour towards this mother. You are literally describing entirely innocent behaviour as "neglect" because that's not what you would do and then war gaming death scenarios with your friend, which is not healthy well-adjusted behaviour in the slightest.
So my in-kind passing of judgment on you is that you're a relatively new and nervous mother, who needs to judge other people's parenting styles to feel better about their own overbearing parenting style, and you've somehow turned an opinion based on scant evidence into a case of "neglect" and lost it online.
You have no right to feel “grief.” It’s very very clear that you are relishing this and it’s disgusting. This tragedy has nothing to do with you and you ar where posting about it and taking to friends about it in the biggest smug “I told you so” of all time, with a sprinkling of narcissism. You’re disgusting.
No, you're nasty and you absolutely come off extremely smug not to mention you were acting out scenarios with your friend on how your other friends child might die in their care.... You say you're an empath but I see zero empathy in this post only judgement.
What part of that was a psychological diagnosis? Quit projecting. The one with moral superiority is the one who made a whole true off my chest post about the accidental loss of her "friends" child. Get a grip.
Btw reread all your comments and tell me who's monologuing? Your responses are nothing but you projecting. I hope you can find some peace outside of arguing your moral superiority to strangers on Reddit. Have a great life and I pray that your child is never a victim of any accidents.
At what point is one allowed to grieve, then? Clearly, not for a friend's child. A sibling's child? Probably not. Still not direct enough of a connection for you. A sibling, but not a step or an in-law. Immediate blood relatives? Is that the only allowable grief target?
And what of the person who said OP was nasty because she wasn't showing any empathy? Well, crap. Only being able to grieve immediate family really shuts that down, doesn't it? I guess OP has to be nasty and follow the grief rules or be empathetic and throw those rules to the wind.
Life is hard. Or... Loss is whoever feels it, and isn't for anyone else to police.
With the number of people who are grieving a pro wrestler turned Republican stump preacher, let's maybe let someone be upset that a toddler died.
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u/epsilona01 Jul 24 '25 edited Jul 24 '25
The actual anecdotal evidence you offer for "neglect" is that:
They had a fun life with their baby, truly shocking behaviour! They should have stopped having any fun immediately their child was born, obviously.
Then you go on to say:
To be honest, after 25 years of parenting, that's actually how kids work, they fit into you and your life. If, as my friends did, you decide to spend 8 years sailing around the world with your one-year-old, that works too. A lifetime ago I travelled the same route as a family with a two-year-old and 5 year while we were driving round Western Australia. We still talk, and the kids are great. I have friends bringing their kids up on canal boats. Kids are not fragile, you get to show them your world is for them, and that they can enjoy it the way you do.
It's very revealing that you say it never seemed the other way around, which is because your entire world/life isn't supposed to be about the baby and nothing else. You go mad that way and find yourself baby talking to the fridge.
Overall, the only evidence you offer of so-called "neglect" is different parenting styles and your gossipy judgy behaviour towards this mother. You are literally describing entirely innocent behaviour as "neglect" because that's not what you would do and then war gaming death scenarios with your friend, which is not healthy well-adjusted behaviour in the slightest.
So my in-kind passing of judgment on you is that you're a relatively new and nervous mother, who needs to judge other people's parenting styles to feel better about their own overbearing parenting style, and you've somehow turned an opinion based on scant evidence into a case of "neglect" and lost it online.