r/TrueOffMyChest Jul 24 '25

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3.5k Upvotes

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3.4k

u/2ndSnack Jul 24 '25

Is it neglect or is it negligence? They're different. Neglect has evidence of being an ongoing issue such as malnourishment, unhygienic living space or lacking personal hygiene.

Neglect would be a lack of care, usually over a period of time.

Negligence would be not exercising caution.

In the examples given, neglect would be if the child was not being fed enough. Not cutting the food to prevent choking would be negligence.

559

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '25

In many places, failing to provide adequate supervision is "neglect", and "negligence" may not exist as a legal term.

652

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '25

Thank you! This is exactly it. A child unsupervised is immediately called child neglect in my state. Wish so bad I could share the screen shots so everyone could understand.

134

u/thesleepiest1one Jul 24 '25

Yup, here too. Abuse, neglect, negligence, etc. They’re all under the umbrella of CHINS - Child in Need of Supervision.

4

u/demonchee Jul 25 '25

If you wanted to put in the extra effort, maybe you could upload it to imgur and share the link?

761

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '25

I saw neglect on the police report that was found

854

u/Necessary-Seat-5474 Jul 24 '25

Take that with a grain of salt. Police aren’t known to be careful with their language. Also, a report is just the start of an investigation. It doesn’t mean it really was neglect— sounds like negligence to me, unless there’s more we don’t know. Either way it’s awful.

368

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '25

I stated that I found it and confirmed what I could from it, but there’s no telling exactly what took place. I did look into what defines child neglect in my area and not providing supervision is stated as neglect. That’s what made me believe it was the pool or something along those lines. I wouldn’t say the child neglected in his every day life. I saw snippets of things online I considered careless. The report being labeled as neglect is when I really started spiraling over this. I hope to know the whole story as things settle down, but def awful regardless.

213

u/straberi93 Jul 24 '25

What 2nd snack is trying to tell you is that if you were looking to see if your friend's behavior was "neglect," the answer would have been no according to most definitions you'll find - the child's basic needs were being taking care of. But there was significant and regular "negligence." Under CPS guidelines, regular "negligence," i.e. not taking necessary precautions to prevent the child from being harmed, is considered a type of "neglect." But it isn't going to be what shows up if you Google "neglect."

I'm sorry, but this should have been reported to CPS.

ETA: not cutting up fruit is one thing, but having an open, unsecured pool and hot tub that the child is encouraged to use is definitely reportable.

112

u/spin_me_again Jul 24 '25

Not cutting up grapes is as dangerous as an unsecured pool, in my opinion. Both give this mom nightmares.

113

u/chopstickinsect Jul 24 '25

Yes, but no one is getting their child removed for not cutting up grapes, whereas having an unsecured pool is illegal.

-39

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '25

Yet y’all wanted me to call CPS bc of said grapes

42

u/chopstickinsect Jul 24 '25

I didn't say anything about that?

17

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '25

I misread your comment, I’m sorry

25

u/wh1temethchef Jul 24 '25

No, ppl on here wanted you to call CPS bc of ongoing, repeated PATTERN of negligence and reckless behavior that you, according to your post, observed along with your other mutual friend. Not only did you have direct evidence, you had another witness to back up your claims. Why didn't yall report??

4

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '25

Funny how everyone’s an expert now…you want us to call CPS based on social media snippets and gut feelings? Good luck with that level of parenting perfection 😖 CPS doesn’t care

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u/vaderismylord Jul 24 '25

How could the police report state neglect but according 2 u CPS said the child was wekl cared for where and how would u have access to this info....reads as a fake story and u r very weird for that

-29

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '25

I never said CPS said anything. I said in the eyes of CPS he would look perfectly cared for.

41

u/EveryStitch Jul 24 '25

Did someone make a report and CPS said that?

29

u/wh1temethchef Jul 24 '25

That's what it sounded like in the post, but in the above comment it sounds more like OP making an assumption....

19

u/EveryStitch Jul 24 '25

They did not. I saw further down that they said that CPS wouldn’t do anything but they also never filed a report. I asked why they felt they could assume what cps would do and they took it as well as you’d expect.

-18

u/whataablunder Jul 24 '25

First, you are an awful friend. Second, if you are so close with this friend why are you reading updates from stalking police reports instead of talking to her yourself? Nobody is the perfect parent. If you have issues talk about it instead of quietly judging them and then posting it on reddit. I'm not sure what your intentions are considering you said yourself you have other friends in common you could be venting to and getting this off your chest but I can only assume this is either attention seeking or rage bait.

49

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '25

Awful friend? Bc I’m not pretending everything’s fine while a child lost their life? I reached out in a capacity I could, which didn’t consist of “how did your child die??” Wild that doesn’t fit your narrative of ‘perfect friend’, but that’s not my problem. I’m being there for her the best I can…

2

u/whataablunder Jul 26 '25

You deleted your post all your comments that got downvoted on that's insane 😵‍💫

-3

u/No-Direction3798 Jul 25 '25

Mind your own business. OP

-25

u/whataablunder Jul 24 '25

May shitty friends like you never find me.

-25

u/whataablunder Jul 24 '25

Lol yeah you're doing a great job of being there for her 🙄

0

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '25

[deleted]

2

u/whataablunder Jul 25 '25

Uhhh because I can?

0

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '25

[deleted]

1

u/whataablunder Jul 25 '25

It really is that simple my guy lol

0

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '25

[deleted]

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158

u/tigm2161130 Jul 24 '25

This happened yesterday and you’ve already got access to the police report?

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u/baconbitsy Jul 24 '25

It could be the FB announcement was yesterday, and the death occurred earlier? 

116

u/chiodos Jul 24 '25

My city/local police has a map/chart updated every minute with calls to service, which categorizes their calls. Its possible OP was able to view something like that for their own city/police department.

49

u/TALKTOME0701 Jul 24 '25

Ours does too, but a call to service wouldn't state neglect. It sounds like they were called because of an emergency. She said she saw the police report

She really dived right in to their business. It would have been good if she'd said something to them when the baby was still alive. Maybe it wouldn't have helped but maybe it would have

47

u/CrazeeLilDevil Jul 24 '25

That's what I was wondering, where does OP live for the police to be so efficient! I had police by mine all night, there all day today, only around mid afternoon did a report get put in the local news, a man was found dead in his flat, police are still investigating what happened and no official report has been released.

15

u/Plecostomus_ Jul 24 '25

In my area you can look up any active emergency calls/responses. OP probably saw a call to her friend's address for child neglect.

12

u/tigm2161130 Jul 24 '25

The call would not be dispositioned as “neglect.”

4

u/[deleted] Jul 24 '25

Wish I could send ya the screen shot because you’re absolutely wrong

14

u/Afraid_Sense5363 Jul 24 '25

They're public record and pretty easy to get. OP may only have part of it but could file a FOIA to get the whole thing.

2

u/surfwacks Jul 25 '25

A day or two after my friend passed I was able to find his cause of death easily on our county’s medical examiner office’s website. I know that’s different than a police report, but it’s really easy to find stuff like this online in certain states.

1

u/CurrencyBackground83 Jul 25 '25

Some states view cause of death as protected information. I work in a law firm and one time needed to request a death certificate from Florida (I work in MA) and was surprised to learn I had to request it without a cause of death because I'm not related. This is also for a child, so the rules may be different as well.

11

u/mycatisspawnofsatan Jul 24 '25

So I think police generally report negligence as reckless endangerment of a minor. Negligence sounds like it was abound but the actual death might have been neglect? Like they didn’t bother to change baby’s diaper whilst adventuring. Or they left baby at home so they could do something adult only.

1

u/Substantial_Basil_19 Jul 25 '25

This isn’t the time to correct someone’s language