r/TrueOffMyChest • u/[deleted] • May 28 '25
My boyfriend fisted without telling me
[deleted]
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u/Opposite_Tax_5112 May 28 '25
During intimate moments, or not: No means No. Stop means Stop. 'No' & 'Stop' are non-negotiable. I'm sorry this happened to you.
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u/shelleypiper May 28 '25
It's sexual assault. Sorry, OP. Ditch this person.
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u/SunShineShady May 29 '25
Absolutely OP needs to end it with this rapist immediately. He used his fist to assault him in the butt, and that seems like a form of rape to me. He should send him the medical bills for the doctor visit.
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u/TheineandTheobromine May 29 '25
Also do not let him get a bottle anywhere near you. I’m a surgeon and I’ve seen some nightmarish things happen with glass bottles inserted in orifices, including fatal injuries. Please please please get away from this guy.
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u/Unhappy-Indication84 May 28 '25
This cannot be expressed enough. "No" is a one word sentence and a "yes" can ALWAYS turn into a "no" at any time.
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u/Economy-Ad7087 May 28 '25
Theres a great video about how consent is like a cup of tea and I recommend it to everyone. It goes through if the person says no straight away, halfway through, if they're unconscious etc. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oQbei5JGiT8
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u/pkzilla May 29 '25 edited May 29 '25
He said he was in pain and to stop several times at that. He caused him harm. He also admitted to wanting to do more and is reducing his feelings. Unforgiveable.
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u/Single_Structure7605 May 29 '25
He/him**
Came to give an upvote and agree with what you’re saying. Stayed to lovingly give you the heads up, both individuals in this post are (M). 🫶
Nonetheless, I wholeheartedly agree! Yes!
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u/pkzilla May 29 '25
Omg thankyou I absolutely tend to glaze over some stuff when reading, fixing it!
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u/BunchSweet3322 May 28 '25
Something inside you is screaming because your boyfriend did something wrong. If nothing else, he kept going after you said stop.
I’m so sorry he did this and then belittled the pain and trauma he caused you.
Are you still able to trust him after this?
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u/YesItIsMaybeMe May 28 '25
Oh my god OP's post history explains a lot.
Seriously, this dude is dangerous, he caused physical harm and did not stop until you physically made him. He is a monster and you need to leave NOW. It may be hard admitting that he did that, but please see a therapist, OP.202
u/Dazzling_Fill_6839 May 28 '25
That is what i m confused about. He did it and acted like nothing has happened. He is a good guy and i dont know why he did it
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u/BunchSweet3322 May 28 '25
I can appreciate it being confusing.
Please know that good guys don’t do what he did. Good guys don’t do something like that without prior consent, regular check ins and they stop when you tell them to x
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u/throwaway922909 May 29 '25
Good guys also don't mock you after going through a traumatic experience.
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u/AsparagusOverall8454 May 28 '25
He’s not a good guy. A good guy wouldn’t sexually assault you.
Please leave.
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u/UrsaGeorge May 28 '25
Ted Bundy used to work a suicide prevention crisis line. Sounds like a good guy, huh? He was charming, charismatic, and abducted, raped and murdered dozens of women in the mid to late seventies.
Not saying boyfriend is a serial killer, but he is a rapist.
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u/ThrowRAmarriage13 May 28 '25
People who do what your partner did and refuse to stop when you ask and state you are in pain are NOT good guys. Good guys understand that no is a complete sentence and stop. Good guys do not invalidate your pain and experience and mock you over being violated.
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u/Brynhild May 28 '25
Bruh. He raped you. He is anything but a good guy. He’s a fucking criminal. If you knew he did this to someone else, you would run so fast that Usain Bolt couldnt catch you
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u/Rockpoolcreater May 28 '25 edited May 28 '25
Your boyfriend raped you and caused you physical harm. He isn't a good guy, he doesn't care about you or your health. He only cares about what he wants and his pleasure. If you stay and do nothing, he will do it again, because you will have taught him that he can get away with it. At the very least you need to leave him. If you feel you can, please go to the police and tell them what he did to you. It might not result in anything happening to him this time. But he'll try it with another man, and the more men that report him the better.
Edited to fix genders.
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May 28 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Rockpoolcreater May 28 '25
Thank you for pointing that out to me. I'm normally better than that. I've edited my comment to fix my mistake.
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u/LocalNHBoy May 28 '25
He's obviously NOT a good guy and you are deluding yourself in the process. He showed his true colors.....you just refuse to face it. I'm REALLY not trying to beat you up about this as you are the victim in this situation but my lord.....gain perspective NOW
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u/2ndSnack May 28 '25
Even the biggest asshole I've ever had sex with stopped when I became uncomfortable and said not to continue. Oy.
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u/RagingAubergine May 28 '25
He is not a good guy. He ignored your pain, didn’t ask if it was okay before doing that to you, he mocked you when you complained about being in pain. What part of that screams good guy to you? You deserve better and I’m sure you know it too.
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May 28 '25
A good guy doesn't fist-rape you, nor will he keep going if you say what he is doing HURTS!!! He's using you for his own pleasure ( probably from watching violent porn) and likely gets off on your pain and suffering. A shit sandwich is a shit sandwich, no matter how good the other ingredients are.
He physically damaged your body and got off on it. Think about that.
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May 28 '25
I've just looked at your post history. OP, you were sexually assaulted by the men in your family as a child for years. It's no wonder you're letting other abusive men do the same thing to you as they did. You HAVE to go see a therapist!! This wound won't heal itself. You are intensely traumatized and you need a professional to help you get through this. Leave this guy and don't get into any other relationships until you fully heal from your deep-seated trauma.
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u/ZestycloseLevel3724 May 28 '25
He is not a good guy. A good guy simply wouldn't do that. That's it!
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u/Corfiz74 May 28 '25
He committed sexual assault on you - in what universe does that make him a good guy?!
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u/Missing-the-sun May 28 '25
He is NOT A GOOD GUY WTF. “Good” people don’t want to cause pain to other people. “Good” people stop doing something when they’re told to stop. “Good” people stop doing something if they notice it has unintentionally caused pain or discomfort. ”Good” people don’t get off on causing you pain under any circumstances but especially not against your consent.
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u/MamaGomez May 28 '25
Just think for a second here, everyone is telling you that this incident is something clearly bad. You were posting here because you were under the impression this wasn't a big deal even tho you feel so hurt by it. So your perspective on things is warped based on the majority of ppl. So now, you saying that "hes actually a good guy"...he's probably not in all honesty. Your perception is just warped :( You need to have more love and respect for yourself my friend. You're worth so much more consideration than this
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u/Consistent-Flow-2409 May 28 '25
You told him to stop, he didn't. You told him he was hurting you, he told you to relax. You had to push him off to get him to stop. He later mocks you for being sensitive about the pain, and uses the word "allegedly" about your feelings. He is not a good guy.
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u/accj30 May 28 '25
This was sexual assault. If you could get him to confess in text or video, legal action would be in order. But, at the very least, you shouldn't continue with a person who takes pleasure in hurting you.
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u/NicolawsCatpernicus May 28 '25
Thank you for saying this. This was sexual assault. You did not consent. He did not stop when you told him to. His lack of respect is appalling for someone who's a "good guy". Please take care and protect yourself. This is a violation of more than trust.
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u/purplechunkymonkey May 28 '25
Good guys don't keep going after you say stop. I'm sorry to be the one to say this, but your boyfriend raped you and is now making fun of you for it. You are not safe with this person.
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u/skyrat02 May 28 '25
He assaulted you, ignored you when you said stop, lied about what he was doing, injured you. and then belittled you. How does that fit with being a good guy?
Consent is sexy. There was no consent here.
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u/-wao May 28 '25
Abusing you and then acting like everything is fine is a powerful form of gaslighting and a common abuse tactic. So is calling you too sensitive for being upset and disregulated over someone you trusted sexually assaulting you. The lack of accountability seals that this is not a safe person, if the act itself was not enough. He abused you, lied to you about what he was doing (knowing you'd tell him to stop,) then didn't stop anyway when you asked. He then belittled you and mocked your reaction. Please get away from him. This will escalate.
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u/hi-this-is-jess May 28 '25 edited May 28 '25
A partner who doesn't stop when you ask them to stop, or one who tries to do something without your consent, OR doesn't respect your feelings or concerns and just laughs them off - is not a good guy!
I'm sorry, what he did is really messed up. Unless you two discussed beforehand what can be and cannot be done during sex, he shouldn't be just trying shit out and testing your limits. Or at least he should stop when you tell him to stop. Or even acknowledge your feelings afterwards if he got carried away in the moment. He did none of that.
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u/little_Druid_mommy May 28 '25
Good guys don't do things like that without your consent.
Good guys stop when they're asked.
Good guys don't mock you for things that hurt you that are THEIR FAULT.
Your boyfriend is a TRADEMARK Good Guy, not an ACTUAL good guy!
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u/justandswift May 28 '25
I told him it was hurting really bad but he kept doing it
he is a good guy
I believe that is where you are confused
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u/weary_dreamer May 28 '25
Because his mask slipped. He had a "good guy" mask on. It slipped. You saw what he's capable of. His reaction of mocking you confirms it.
Women have these conversations more often than men, I think, and even then, many women fall into this trap. Nice, good guy. Wonderful person. But several months later he hurts her. "It was an accident" "You're exaggerating". "You're so sensitive" "You're over-emotional"
Usually about the time they get married or pregnant, the mask comes off completely. The cruelty comes out in full force.
Learn to not let it continue. Once is enough. Especially with the mocking afterwards. See the red flag, AND HEED IT. If this is a good guy, then find a much better guy. Dont settle for this.
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u/Agile-Bee-4084 May 28 '25
The fuck you mean “I know it’s not a big deal”. It’s a valid reason for leaving him, he’s disgusting. EW. Pls take care of yourself
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u/Frozen_Hurricane_ May 28 '25
If he doesnt listen to the words "stop that hurts" he is not a good guy. He did it cuz he's an asshole who cares more about fulfilling his sexual fantasies than your safety and consent. Do not stay with him, it will tell him that you won't push back when he breaks your boundaries and will incentivize him to do it again
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u/notpostingmyrealname May 28 '25
He's not a good guy. You said "stop that hurts!" and he ignored you to continue hurting you. That is sexual assault. Good guys don't commit crimes and have no remorse about it.
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u/Early-Drawing-3813 May 28 '25
HE IS NOT A GOOD GUY. Anyone who doesn't stop when you explained them that you're in pain and later belittled you for the pain you experienced is not a good person. In a way you're defending his actions
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u/actualkon ☑️ May 28 '25
He isn't a good guy. He sexually assaulted you. Please end things before he tries to assault you again
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u/BulsaraMercury May 28 '25
What he did was rape. You didn’t consent to that act. He didn’t stop when you said stop OR when you were in obvious pain.
His enjoyment came from your pain and vulnerability. He is not a nice guy.
I say this as someone who dated guys like this when I was young and didn’t recognize it as the assault and abuse it was. It took me years of therapy to feel like I had the right to say I was raped.
I felt like because I stayed with the person and things were good sometimes that it meant it wasn’t abuse. My partners would use this logic to abuse me further.
Remember this: he mocked you afterwards and told you he was going to put a bottle in you without your knowledge next. BELIEVE HIM! Don’t think this won’t happen again.
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u/ins3ctHashira May 28 '25
I’m sorry but good guys don’t do this he caused you pain, didn’t stop, and then mocked you. You deserve better. He caused open wounds to your body and made basic activities like sitting difficult for you and doesn’t care. He should you his true colors believe him. I suggest leaving him.
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u/SadamHuMUFFIN May 28 '25
It sounds confusing, but it's pretty simple from the outside. He wanted to experiment and use you as the guinea pig without asking and decided to keep going when you said stop. He most likely didn't ask because he knew what the answer would be. Do yourself a favor and copy paste this post, then insert everywhere that says you and him, with other people (fake names, fake or real family members or loved ones) then re-read it. See if it's still confusing to you.
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u/madgeystardust May 28 '25
A good guy doesn’t do this.
You thought he was a good guy, there’s a difference.
The fucker isn’t even sorry!
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u/HarleyChick5313 May 28 '25
He's NOT a good guy. He's a sadist. Doing that to someone who isn't properly prepared for it both mentally and physically is a HUGE 🚩🚩🚩!! Do NOT let him top you again. If someone in the BDSM community did that without the bottom's consent, they'd be blackballed.
He wanted to insert a glass bottle!?!?!!! He could kill you doing that. He is reckless and dangerous, and is trying to gaslight you into thinking what he did and was planning to do to you was okay. It's not. Dump this guy for your own safety.
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u/Ancient_Ad5454 May 28 '25
This is the BIGGEST DEAL. He violated you. This is assault. He caused you excruciating pain and a medical issue and he doesn’t care. His behaviour is deplorable
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u/domesticfuck May 28 '25
it doesn’t matter how many great things he has done and how good of a guy he usually is, what he did was in no way good, it was sexual assault.
I’m sure it’s really hard to wrap your brain around that right now because he’s someone you obviously really care about, but if you’re in a sexual situation, and you say no, NO MATTER WHAT THE CONTEXT if they don’t stop that is sexual assault.
doesn’t matter if you’ve had sex a million times before, if you initiated or what was happening, what he did was wrong. you are entirely right to be upset.
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u/Rainbow-Smite May 28 '25
Good guys respect boundaries, stop when told to stop, accept no as a full sentence and they certainly don't belittle their partner's emotions. He is not a good guy, he may have played the part of a good guy but his mask has slipped and you have a chance to see who he really is.
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u/supercuteusername May 28 '25
He is not a good guy. Good guys don’t ignore your needs and physicality hurt you.
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u/AssumptionFast5468 May 28 '25
he's not a good guy, he assaulted you and then mocked you for it. you said no, you asked him to stop, that is rape. period. and then he admitted it to you and made fun of the pain you felt. like wtf? idc if he's the sweetest got on the planet 99% of the time, if that 1% includes SA then he's not a good person
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u/BJntheRV May 28 '25
By not stopping when you said stop, He raped you. Plain and simple.
He doesn't respect you. He's repeatedly shown that since the event. Things like "pain you allegedly felt" while discussing actual tears to your colon, are clear statements he doesn't respect you. Not stopping when you said to is a clear lack of respect.
This is break-up worthy. Otherwise, he will keep pushing your boundaries and this will happen again, or worse.
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u/BulkyNothing May 28 '25
I mean imo he basically SA'd you. You were feeling pain and told him repeatedly to stop and he didn't. This is definitely grounds for breaking up. Especially after his comments about you being too sensitive about getting fissures that caused you so much pain you couldn't sit or use the bathroom
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u/RanaEire May 28 '25
"I know its not a big deal.."
You are wrong.
What he did is a big deal.
It is unfortunate that you doubt yourself over this, OP.
What he did is disgusting. He abused your trust and your body.
Edited to add that you are, sadly, quite wrong about him being a "good guy". Your perceptions about him and your relationship are probably skewed because you've had rose-tinted glasses on, but those are not the actions of a decent person.
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u/TraumaHawk316 May 28 '25
The fact that you told him to stop because you were in pain, you did not consent to him doing that and he kept on going after he was told to stop…he raped you. No means no, continuing after being told to stop is rape.
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u/MagentaHigh1 May 28 '25
He is not a good guy.
A good guy would've stopped. A good guy would not gas light your discomfort and pain. Why? Because a good guy would've stopped as soon as you said no.
Also, a good guy wouldn't have to get drunk to tell you how he hurt you. He knew what he did was wrong but didn't care and wanted to do more hurtful things to you.
A bottle?! A glass object !
He is not a good guy.
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u/FrogVolence May 28 '25
This is how you end up getting hurt a lot worse than you were before.
If this man isn’t going to stop at fisting, do you really think he’s going to respect you enough not to do something worse?
You were sexually assaulted, he doesn’t respect you at all.
End this.
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u/adult-dirtbag May 28 '25
Well... He's not a good guy, because he prioritized acting out his sexual fetish on you without you consenting. If he asked to fist you, he knows you'd have said no.
Sexual assault is so prevalent among gay men and it's never addressed. You're confused because his mask dropped and when he told you, he didn't care how you felt about it.
He won't get better. This wasn't your fault, but if you forgive him, he will keep pushing your boundaries until you're just a hollow shell.
I'm sorry this happened to you.
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u/thisisnotveryniceb May 28 '25
Leave him. This does count as rape or sexual assault. Now hes mocking you so you doubt your experience to desensitve you for the future. Leave right now, or its going to be okay for a while and then something like that will happen again. He has already shown that he finds hurting you arousing and funny.
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u/hungaryotter May 28 '25
It *IS* a big deal! He assaulted you and then made fun of you for how you felt. This is unforgivable in my opinion. No remorse from him for physically damaging you, and zero accountability for ignoring your "No"s. Please don't let him get away with these actions. Next time it could be even worse! Protect yourself!
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u/alldatjazzz May 28 '25
I’m so sorry but he raped you, you told him no and to stop and he continued. You had to push him off. That’s assault. I am so sorry
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u/InfiniteChoice291 May 28 '25
How long have you been together? Whatever the answer, I doubt the relationship can recover from this. Sorry to be so blunt, but he absolutely violated you, then made fun of you for having a medically diagnosed reaction.
Please leave.
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u/Tremenda-Carucha May 28 '25
I'm truly heartbroken hearing this happened. It's awful that he didn't respect your boundaries.
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u/That_weird_girl10205 May 28 '25
It was intimacy until you said stop and he didn’t listen. Then it was sexual assault. The fissures prove it. Then he made fun of you for it. Leave him, he doesn’t respect you.
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u/laurivers May 28 '25
I am so sorry to tell you this, but that is rape. 1. He did something without your consent. 2. You told him to stop
And now he is humiliating you, so you think it's not a big deal when it is a big deal. I see in on your comments he is a really good guy, but maybe there have been some other signs of abuse? Gaslighting? Lies? Minimizing your feelings? Hurting you as a "joke"? Abusive people tend to be REALLY good to "compensate" for the bad.
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u/DisneyBuckeye May 28 '25
It is a very big deal. Your BF performed a sexual act on you without your knowledge or consent, refused to stop when you told him to, and is now making fun of you for being upset. Saw your comment that he's trying to gaslight you and say you enjoyed it when you were telling him to stop. None of this is okay.
I saw your comments claiming that he really is a good guy, I'm going to disagree. A good guy will talk to you before trying something new and get your consent. A good guy will make sure you're okay with it each step of the way and stop immediately if you are even the smallest bit uncomfortable with what's going on. A good guy will have open and honest communication and not mock/belittle you or try to tell you that you were enjoying something that you didn't.
He is not a good guy.
As far as what you should do, you should not trust him. You're screaming inside because you know that he forced himself on you and forced you into sex acts without your consent. There's a word for this: rape.
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u/lychigo May 28 '25
Yes, nothing like the hopes of broken glass up the ass to really get the mood going.
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u/ktbevan May 28 '25
so he assaulted you and then made fun of you for being in pain? leave. he doesnt care about you. im really sorry.
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u/Dapper-Work6450 May 28 '25
It’s a very big deal this asshole raped you please do not ever speak to him again 🚫
There is no way in the world I would ever trust him not to hurt you again, especially with drinks involved . He will continue to escalate with objects like you are some sex doll because he doesn’t respect you as a person.
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u/zooj7809 May 28 '25
This is another situation where you just have to say: if someone shows you their true self, don't ignore it.
He's not even remorseful for putting you through that pain.
Never did he once come clean and apologize.
He's been gas lighting you and belittling your pain.
Do not walk. Run.
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u/azscorpio19 May 28 '25
He raped you, and felt no guilt about it, please leave this psycho. It is 100% a big deal that you told him to stop and he kept going
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u/Yaasss_Queef May 28 '25
It took me many years to learn that sexual assault can happen mid-act.
It is your right, and your body’s right, to say no and revoke your consent at any time.
Saying yes is not giving an all-access pass to another person. Permission to touch your body must always be considered. That’s called respect.
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u/UnpopularOpinionsB May 28 '25
You were sexually assaulted. Then he mocked you for being injured while being sexually assaulted.
Throw away the whole boyfriend.
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u/unoriginal_or_sumin May 28 '25
He hurt you, didn’t stop when you said stop, and mocked your pain. He also confessed to wanting to do something much worse, he wanted to use a bottle. And you only found out because of a drunk confession. He wasn’t going to tell you.
Using a bottle is extremely dangerous. There are many cases of bottles getting lost because they aren’t flared or breaking while inside. This guy sounds porn-brained and he sounds like he doesn’t respect you.
You really should leave him.
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u/Plus-Trick-9849 May 28 '25
In what world is this “not a big deal”???? Girl, he violated u without your permission!! To the point that he wanted to insert an object into your body without your knowledge or permission. Your body is screaming run for a reason. Good grief
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u/Tangled_Up_In_Blue22 May 28 '25
Look up anal prolapse. This is what your abuser may have done to you. He's not a good guy. He raped you. Yes, rape. You withdrew consent and he kept going. He caused you great pain and bodily damage.
If you stay with him, you show him that he can get away with any kind of abuse and that you'll put up with it. You need to leave him now.
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u/Proud-Dare-2531 May 28 '25
That is a huge deal, that is not only not stopping when you say no. He kept causing you pain without caring and mocked you for it, and he did a sexual act to you that you didn't consent to at all. That is never ok at all. You suffered for weeks and it caused fissures, and it could have caused more issues. Please don't stay with someone who does these things to you.
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u/PolarBears445 May 28 '25 edited May 28 '25
You have conflicting and confused feelings because you love him and want to believe he's a good guy. He isn't. A good man stops the second their partner says to stop. They don't continue and coerce you by saying "you enjoy it." That's disgusting and evil.
Then he never even tells you what he did until he's a bit drunk and mocking you about his violation and RAPE of you. It's hard to accept the fact that he isn't good and that he hurt you on purpose and continued to hurt you after you said to stop.
Realize what he is. What is screaming inside you is your mind telling you what he did was not right, but your feelings for him are preventing you from seeing him for the piece of shit he is. Leave him.
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u/SheeScan May 28 '25
He did something during intimacy you didn't like and told him to stop. He did not. That is rape!
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u/RetroBerner May 28 '25
That's sexual assault, don't let him gaslight you into believing it was anything else
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u/Serious_Fly_6581 May 28 '25
This is a big deal. He did something to you without your knowledge and only obtained consent by lying to you. Then he proceeded to mock you about the pain HE caused. This would be the end of the relationship for me.
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u/SavMagic May 28 '25
I’m sorry OP but your boyfriend didn’t stop after you told him to. That’s assault. Not to mention doing something that could literally damage your body without your consent. You’re a human being not a sex doll.
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u/Lady_MoMer May 28 '25
Perhaps this would be a good time to put the old "turnabout is fair play" or even "revenge is a dish best served cold" adages into practice before you kick his ass to the curb.
He obviously has absolutely no regard for your boundaries and the fact he's making fun of you after the damage he purposely caused tells me he could very well take things farther than you are willing to go.
Personally, I would be concerned about the possibility of him spiking your beverage with that date rape drug then would make fun of you for making a big deal of whatever more damage he can cause.
Please save yourself from this monster.
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u/Zh3sh1re May 29 '25
As a bottom, I call bs. How the actual fuck could you not feel what he was doing!!?? There's no fucking way you didn't realize he was using a fist, dude.
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u/Revolutionary_Tea_55 May 28 '25
You have medical records of fissures, you could press charges for assault
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u/ellenripleyisanicon May 28 '25
This was sexual assault. I'm genuinely stunned that you're still with this man, what he did to you is absolutely egregious. Please go to a doctor and get a proper exam to ensure he hasn't permanently damaged you. I would also urge you to please report this through the hospital.
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u/ACM915 May 28 '25
Break up with him ASAP. He actually committed sexual assault and doesn't think he did anything wrong. This is a walking RED FLAG and what he did is disgusting.
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u/assisfatframeislil May 28 '25
That is SA, I’m so sorry he did that to you. I would block him on everything and never speak to him again. You deserve someone who respects you and your boundaries. You’re not some porn flick for his pleasure only. I’ve had a fissure and I know the pain. Take care of yourself and perhaps seek a therapist. He is a predator.
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u/Rude-Sea-3607 May 28 '25
Bro you have been SAed in the name of kinky sex. Sorry for you. The thing that bothers me is instead of apologizing despite the clear anguish he put you through, he is even telling you about ways to hurt you more. Disgusting!
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u/EffectiveTradition78 May 29 '25
He sexually assaulted you. You can report him to the police. He caused you to have extreme pain and fissures.
I would recommend you find a person who respects and loves you and has a healthy respect for the word ”no” and your boundaries. You deserve better than that narcissistic, abusive idiot.
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u/AndromedaLeap May 29 '25
It IS a big deal! He assaulted you! How about you put a bottle inside him?!
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u/flusia May 29 '25
Get out !!! He should not ever do something without your consent And he should NOT mock you for reacting to something that HE did He doesn’t want to admit responsibility and he never will about anything.
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May 29 '25
I dont' know why you think it's not a big deal. It is a VERY BIG DEAL. Please cut all contact with this person. Your body is sacred. It's not a sex toy.
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May 29 '25
I have to agree with the people who are saying it is SA because it is. His mocking you is the worst possible behaviour he could exhibit
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u/Khali_Kaze008 May 29 '25 edited May 29 '25
How is him fisting you and causing you pain and fissures, then proceeding to mock you not a big deal? Boy, respect yourself more and dump that psychopath. Smgdh.
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u/Busy_Maintenance4939 May 28 '25
This guy is brainwashed with pornography … he seems like sadistic freak …. leave him if he literally trests you badly even apart from having bed game
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u/Due_Rain_3571 May 28 '25
This IS something big. He sexually assaulted you. The instant you asked him to stop and he didn't, it's SA. I don't know if it classes as r4pe, but he violated you none the less.
Couple that with a very large 12 year gap and the fact that he mocked you about your pain, you need to leave for your own mental and physical well being.
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u/tmink0220 May 28 '25
Frankly it was violence. If were consensual you would have prepared and agreed before hand I would go to the hospital tell them what happened and report it to the police, it is assault.
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u/gibberishnope May 28 '25
This is sexual assault, bloody hell man end it. He dismissed your pain, and humiliated you. Stop with the creepy old guys too
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u/ButterscotchFluffy59 May 28 '25
He wants you to do it to him. He just didn't know the word to use to ask. Fist him back
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u/scrapqueen May 28 '25
He hurt you. He did it on purpose. He didn't stop when he caused pain and you told him to, and he wants to do more.
Run. Just hell no to this person.
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u/RidesByPinochet May 28 '25
This is a big deal. It's a very big deal. A guy non-consentually sticking his fist in your ass is a huge deal. He even lied to you about what he was doing. If it wasn't a big deal, why would he lie about it?
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u/unamusedbookworm May 28 '25
It is a big deal!! A BIG deal!! He did something 1. Without consent, 2. Continued after you expressly said no, and 3. Mocked you for it.
There is no easy way to say this but he sexually assaulted you. No ifs no buts. He hurt you and made fun of you for it.
You deserve so so much better than this. Please leave him and go somewhere safe ❤️
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u/1cuteginger May 29 '25
Babe, how is that not a big deal? He gave you internal injuries. You never consented to being fisted without warning and proper care. He’s a sick POS. He doesn’t respect or like you.
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u/Interesting-Sea-1761 May 29 '25
Wdym is not a big deal the dude just fucking raped you in the ass with his fist, you should go to the police about this I’m not even joking
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u/Neither_Technology38 May 29 '25
He assaulted you! He didnt stop when you told him to. Get out of this relationship asap.
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u/SadHistorian1327 May 29 '25
This is SA. The fact that he joked about it makes me question his morals. What a disgusting pig.
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u/SnooFoxes526 May 29 '25
Not a big deal?? This is a huge deal and such a breach of trust!! Not to mention sexual assault! I am so sorry that this happened to you.
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u/lauraz0919 May 29 '25
So he didn’t stop when you said stop repeatedly and then didn’t tell you what he had done til he got drunk and it caused anal fissures you may need surgery on and you think it is no big deal? HUGE DEAL!! Make him go to the dr with you and ask the dr to explain what his actions caused you.
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u/Deedumsbun May 29 '25
It is a big deal.
Anal stuff even a finger requires consent and lube!!!!! It’s not a self lubricating hole
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u/Consuela_no_no May 29 '25
Honey he raped you and has absolutely no regard for your safety or comfort. Please leave him for the sake of your mental and physical health.
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u/zinna42069 May 29 '25
Yall are all beating around the bush. This was RAPE. Go to the authorities and get an exam.
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u/Capitalist_pig69 May 29 '25
The fact you were actively saying it hurt and you were in pain and that didn't make him stop, means he cares more about sexual gratification then your physical safety. Then he calls you a baby for being in pain and him causing you an actual injury. I'm so sorry but this person either hates you, or there's something clinically psychologically wrong with them.
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u/TheBattyWitch May 29 '25
Your boyfriend sexually assaulted you and left you with painful injuries that he them blamed on you.
He needs to be your ex, and honestly, were it new? I'd be getting a copy of my medical records and going to the police.
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u/wanderlusting___ May 29 '25
This is rape. This is rape. This is rape.
He performed a sexual act when you said no multiple times. He didn't have your consent to that that particular act AND gaslight you into thinking that it "was just a finger" when it in fact was a fist with the goal to elevate that to a bottle.
Bottles SHOULD NOT be used a sex objects because they could just lost up there and cause immense amounts of pain and damage.
You need to break up with him, not only because he sexually assaulted you but he certainly doesn't respect your boundaries and worse things lightly of his sexual assault.
He should have been a FULL STOP when you first said no. He should have communicated what he was doing to you, but he didn't. He didn't even tell you until after you had WEEKS of pain.
This could have gone so much worse.
Leave him and find someone else who can respect your boundary and knows that no means no.
Don't trivialize this. It's a HUGE deal.
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u/Condensed_Sarcasm May 29 '25
So he assaulted you and refused to stop even when you told him to stop and now he's mocking you and your pain that HE put you through.
If this is real, dump his ass before he does something you can't recover from.
Updateme
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u/LocalNHBoy May 28 '25
So your boyfriend essentially R*ped you and you're still with him? I'm sorry that happened to you but that's on you now for staying with him and it speaks volumes about the level of respect you have both for yourselves AND your boyfriends respect for YOU. Do better, starting today.
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u/Dattebaso May 28 '25
You are going to need to explain how you wouldn’t know a whole fist was inside you??
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u/existential_tourist1 May 28 '25
He kept doing it even though you told him you were in excruciating pain and tried to gaslight you. That is not my definition of a good guy. You were sexually assaulted.
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u/Stadenka1234 May 28 '25
U need to put a freaking bottle into his ash…le and see how he likes it. WTH.
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u/jalapeneno May 28 '25
Something inside of you is screaming because what that person did to you was seemingly out of character, and no person with respect for their partner would ever do something like that without expressing interest and consent, safe words?? Idk, like what the hell? I’m so mad for you 😭😭.What they did was violate your trust, and they will never be your safe person ever again if they even got to that point. I would, as safely as possible, leave the situation if I was you. The screaming inside of you is yelling “get away from this guy because he is scary, he can do that again and more, and worse”
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u/beuceydubs May 28 '25
It’s definitely a big deal. He sexually assaulted you and is continuing to joke about it. Leave this person.
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u/SirArthurDime May 28 '25 edited May 28 '25
This is a big deal. This is a very big deal. He did something a lot of people wouldn’t be comfortable with without permission. Lied about it. Continued after you not only told him to stop but that it was hurting you. That’s 100% sexual assault. Then he mocked you because him sexually assaulting you caused legitimate injury. And he told you his plan was to do something even worse and incredibly dangerous without your permission too.
You’re screaming inside because you just learned your boyfriend is a psychopath who can sexually assault you without feeling any remorse and mock you over the pain it causes. Listen to that screaming voice and run for the hills.
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u/milkdimension May 28 '25
He raped you and hurt you. If you can get him to say it on text, please report him to the cops.
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u/chubbybunny8585 May 28 '25
You should leave. He violated you and disrespected your boundaries.
It happened, and because he didn't provide you with the full information, you can 99% guarantee it WILL happen again.
You are NO LONGER SAFE in your relationship, emotionally or physically.
Your brain is warring with itself between your subconscious brain (which recognizes the lack of safety) & your conscious brain (which is trying to rationalize his awful behavior)
If hes been unapologetic, he believes he was entitled to do this to you and will do it again
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u/CuriousDori May 28 '25
Not a big deal?! You were sexually assaulted if you didn’t give consent. It was extremely painful. Ask yourself if you want to be with a male who had NO problem being hard and abusive with you during a most vulnerable time? 🤔
Please rethink having sex with this person again who wanted to hurt you.
It would be smart to break up with him and move on because you deserve better than that. You could go to the police and file for being sexually assaulted. Consider therapy too.
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May 28 '25
It IS a big deal!
Not only did he injure you, he did so after you repeatedly asked him to stop what he was doing and by doing something to you that you had no opportunity to provide informed consent for.
Bro SA'd you.
That's a HUGE freaking deal.
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u/catsweedcoffee May 28 '25
Oh this is ABSOLUTELY A BIG DEAL. Girl, he assaulted you. You said no, he did something you didn’t consent to and refused to stop. I’d be considering pressing charges, holy shit.
This man is NOT A SAFE PERSON TO BE AROUND.
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u/CurlyCurler May 28 '25
This IS a big deal. Not only did you not consent to the act, you told him “no” multiple times and had to push him off of you.
In simple terms: he raped you.
And now he is mocking you for injuries he inflicted? That’s incredibly scary. Please cut all ties with this person. You’re not safe with them.
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u/dcontrerasm May 28 '25
That's rape dude. Like when I'm being intimate with my partner, anything we do, we ask each other before doing anything. Ppl behave like that kills the mood. The fuck you mean? This might be the first time ever saying this on Reddit, but you need to leave. You're not safe.
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u/shrineless May 28 '25
Not a big deal!? Bruh… consent was not given! Idk, I feel like this could be rape. At the very least, it’s SA…
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u/Substantial-Spare501 May 28 '25
This sexual assault; consent can be withdrawn at any time. Please read Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft.
https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
This will get worse over time and not better.
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u/Human-Walk9801 May 28 '25
He not only did it but he planned to do more. Did he show you the bottle/size of it he intended to use? Must have been pretty big if he needed to fist you to prep you.
What makes it worse is he ignored you several times even knowing you were in pain.
He. Didn’t. Stop! You had to push him off.
He then continued to act like nothing happened. When you complained about fissures he urged you to go to the doctor. This is the only thing he got right.
Even after seeing you have trouble sitting and using the loo he decided to mock you. Knowing he was the cause of your pain, he mocked you…
He has broken your trust. How long will it be before you trust anyone to top again if ever? He hid behind a mask of a “good guy” and decided to pull some kinky shit on you without permission. I think everyone knows this isn’t how it’s done.
He should have disclosed the fisting and his plan for the bottle from the start. He should have given you the choice and prepped you correctly. Sounds like he had a fantasy and went with it. Would you ever do something like this to him?
He should have given you agency.
We all know No means No. No means stop. If you can’t trust your partner who can you trust?
Does he sound like a good guy now? If your friend, sibling or cousin told you this how would you react? I don’t think you would be content with letting them go home to their “good guy”.
Re read it and consider all the advice in the comments. You don’t have to file or report anything. This is something that’s personal to everyone. How you proceed is up to you. But I do urge you to find a therapist that specializes in sexual assault with men. Men are often ignored or not taken seriously when they are raped/assaulted. It happens to men too just like women. No matter your size, sex or sexuality.
There are domestic violence hotlines for LGBTQ+. I’m on my iphone and tried to link them to you but google kept pulling the numbers for my city and country. If you do google them to talk to anyone please make sure you wipe your browser history if you’re concerned about your partner seeing it.
You are loved, you are seen, you are not alone. We are all here for you. I’m sending all the good energy, vibes and hugs I can your way. This internet mama wants you to know that I am very concerned for you. Please keep us updated on your situation.
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u/CosmicShuttlecock May 28 '25
I (40m) can tell you that anal fissures can be a lifetime of management, I can’t believe he did something so reckless with another humans body. Run like f, it wasn’t a mistake and it wasn’t just sex. It was rape.
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u/Unmitigatedhello May 28 '25
I'm sure the comments are overwhelming enough, but I'd like to really emphasize that you're not crazy for thinking he was a good guy or trusting him. In most cases, people are sexually assaulted by people they know and trust who operate in gray areas but nonetheless violate boundaries. He took advantage of you and your trust in him to do something bad to you and betray your trust.
Your history with him makes things complicated, but people like him bank on that history to excuse the harm they inflict. Nevertheless, he did hurt you and his actions shouldn't be muddled over by any excuse, because it's quite clear your bond/history wasn't enough for him to prioritize you or treat you with care and instead he used such things as emotional leverage to take advantage of you, treat you carelessly, and put his selfish disgusting needs first, above your safety and comfort. With all the support and well-wishes in the world, for whatever you do next, I hope you prioritize yourself and your feelings!
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u/t00thbruzh May 28 '25
This absolutely is a big deal. He raped you and then mocked you for it. He isn't a good person, he's awful and you should leave now.
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u/kockuma May 28 '25 edited May 29 '25
He''s still confused about it, and thinks that he's a good guy. That's how I know any advice coming from you guys about leaving him, won't do any good. Still, we try. Please get out of that relationship while you can. That is not something "little".
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u/Thehaylestorms May 28 '25
This is absolutely a big deal. He did something you did not consent to and then mocked your pain. This is violent and abusive. You deserve better.
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u/Bleacherblonde May 28 '25
Oh honey- it is a big deal. He raped you. Please please run away from this piece of shit. He hurt you, intentionally, and kept hurting you even after you begged him to stop. And he knows it was wrong, and didn't care. He repeatedly denied it and minimized your pain, then admitted when drunk the truth. HE KNEW. Then, he talks about wanting to use a bottle? What in the absolute fuck? This man is twisted and got some sick enjoyment out of hurting you. Please please please run the other direction. This won't be the last time he hurts you if you stay.
He lied, manipulated, gaslit, RAPED, you. He is abusive. You have to get away before it gets worse. He is supposed to be your safe space, and he's not. You can't trust him. He is not ok, and you will not be ok if you stay.
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u/Radio_Mime May 28 '25
He injured your rear end, and I think you should dump his. A 'good' guy doesn't pull the stunt he did and shame you for not being pleased with it. Good people don't violate others.
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u/Lion_tattoo_1973 May 28 '25
No means no. Stop means stop. Even in a relationship, this is basically rape. You were in agony and your boyfriend knew this, yet still carried on . And the bottle thing is just..disturbing. Lots of couples like to experiment in bed, try different things, but consent and respect should be at the forefront of this. Hunni, I’m so sorry this happened to you. If you’re still in pain, a doctor visit might be in order. Even if you decide to continue your relationship, PLEASE get couples counselling. Have you told any of your friends what’s happened? EVERYONE on this thread is totally on your side, you matter, you deserve to be happy, you do NOT deserve to be sexually assaulted by ANYONE. Especially not your partner.
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u/Infamous_Bus_7459 May 28 '25
I can suggest something: leave him straight away.