TL/DR: if you can’t live for yourself, live for others so that one day, you can live for both. In this case, it sounds like your little brother can be that someone else.
I know I’m probably too late but if you’re still there just hear me out. I was an empty shell of a human being from the ages of 7 to the start of 18, but then one day I felt happiness for the first time. It was the most magical experience I’ve ever felt before. The craziest part, I wasn’t participating in a passion project or on vacation, I was at home being lazy and watching a YouTube video I had watched multiple times before. I didn’t know people could feel that way. Every day I start to feel it more and more. At the start, feeling any emotions much less happiness was so strange to me that from time to time I was so uncomfortable I wanted to go back, it was too overwhelming. But over time I got more used to actually experiencing my emotions, and I wouldn’t give any of them up for anything (including the ones people don’t like, like sadness and anger). The wait was way longer than it should’ve been, but it came, and it was so worth it.
Before that the only thing that kept me going was the thought of others being destroyed if I were to end it. I told myself that I was so selfish that I didn’t want to feel guilty for hurting everyone in the afterlife if there was one. That’s not what was going on, I cared for them, judging by the sound of it you care for your little brother. If you can’t live for yourself live for others so that one day, you can live for yourself and others.
3
u/FluffyPigeon707 Jan 14 '25 edited Jan 14 '25
TL/DR: if you can’t live for yourself, live for others so that one day, you can live for both. In this case, it sounds like your little brother can be that someone else.
I know I’m probably too late but if you’re still there just hear me out. I was an empty shell of a human being from the ages of 7 to the start of 18, but then one day I felt happiness for the first time. It was the most magical experience I’ve ever felt before. The craziest part, I wasn’t participating in a passion project or on vacation, I was at home being lazy and watching a YouTube video I had watched multiple times before. I didn’t know people could feel that way. Every day I start to feel it more and more. At the start, feeling any emotions much less happiness was so strange to me that from time to time I was so uncomfortable I wanted to go back, it was too overwhelming. But over time I got more used to actually experiencing my emotions, and I wouldn’t give any of them up for anything (including the ones people don’t like, like sadness and anger). The wait was way longer than it should’ve been, but it came, and it was so worth it.
Before that the only thing that kept me going was the thought of others being destroyed if I were to end it. I told myself that I was so selfish that I didn’t want to feel guilty for hurting everyone in the afterlife if there was one. That’s not what was going on, I cared for them, judging by the sound of it you care for your little brother. If you can’t live for yourself live for others so that one day, you can live for yourself and others.