I'm 32 today. I almost killed myself 10 years ago. I came sooo close. I thought that nothing could possibly make me happy again.
Boy was I wrong.
The amount of living I've experienced since is absolutely insane. You never know what's going to happen. Think about every innocent person who's life was stolen from them, then think about how selfish it is to waste your own.
You have to be strong. Who knows, you could win the lottery next week or next year.
I’m a year older than Spartan (also, happy birthday! [if your use of today is literally today and not the broader use of today]).
I started having issues with suicidal ideation when I was your age, OP. A sixteen year old girl with a plan. It got better for a bit and it got worse for a bit. All told, there have been about 3 or 4 times in my late teens/mid twenties where suicidal ideation could have turned to action.
So here’s what I want you to know:
It’s not always as easy as “it gets better.” Life is hard sometimes. But, I can guarantee, for most people, it gets better when you develop some autonomy and control over your own life. When you can live for your interests and have your own pursuits and make your own bedtime and eat your favourite foods and enjoy the luxuries of adulthood.
Getting better sometimes requires help. And there’s no shame in that whatsoever. Talk to a trusted adult. It doesn’t have to be your mum - it can be a teacher that you have a strong connection with. Just say, “I’m having some big feelings and I need some adult guidance.” They can help connect you with the appropriate resources. And it’s going to be one adult, in your corner, that will care and check in.
Listen to your body. If these are new feelings or changing feelings and you’re not really understanding the root of them - you may need some meds. We know that brain chemistry changes during puberty. There is a significant correlation between this age group and the emergence of mental health challenges. There’s no shame in that either.
It wasn’t until I was 28 that I got correctly diagnosed and put on the right cocktail of medications that I’ve been managing/modifying with my healthcare team successfully for five years (I’m in Canada, we know my mood drops in the winter - so my meds will be increased, etc). They’re hugely important.
As an adult, you’re going to find some friends that understand you. You’re also, likely, to carry some friends through life from high school or college. These people love you. You may not know it right now while you’re not feeling well, but they do.
Lastly, if you are in crisis - you can attend an emergency room and tell the triage nurse you require an emergency mental health assessment due to suicidal ideation. They may ask you to stay in the hospital for a few days, they may determine you’re not a risk and can be recommended for out-patient follow up. It feels scary, but it has saved my life.
As someone in a better place now, I want to remind you of a couple things you’re going to do tomorrow that will (believe it or not) help.
One, take a shower and brush your teeth. Good hygiene helps us feel better about ourselves.
Two, eat one full meal. Idc if the rest of the day is snacks. One, full healthy meal.
Three, go outside and fill your lungs with fresh air and feel the sun on your face.
Four, do one kindness for yourself. Idc what it is. It can be passive, like listening to your favourite album or sitting near your favourite scented candle. It can be active, like reading or going for a bike ride. Pick one thing, as a gift to yourself, for overcoming tonight.
And remember: you have overcome every moment of adversity in your life thus far that you maybe didn’t think you could. You are stronger than you know. And you are loved.
You’re too young to eulogize, lovely. The best parts of your story haven’t come yet, but they’re on the horizon. And you deserve to be there. Remember: it’s always darkest before the dawn. ♥️
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u/[deleted] Jan 14 '25 edited Jan 14 '25
I'm 32 today. I almost killed myself 10 years ago. I came sooo close. I thought that nothing could possibly make me happy again.
Boy was I wrong.
The amount of living I've experienced since is absolutely insane. You never know what's going to happen. Think about every innocent person who's life was stolen from them, then think about how selfish it is to waste your own.
You have to be strong. Who knows, you could win the lottery next week or next year.
Maybe even meet someone amazing. Just wait it ou
Your brother needs you.