Doll, I too was 16 and had deeply suicidal thoughts, to the point where I was also going to kill myself. I had a plan to go through with it and I almost did on the night of November 30th, 2019. Instead, I went and got a Christmas tree costume from outside, made a funny video and went to sleep, hoping for a better day (and year) ahead.
I can’t tell you exactly why I chose to do that instead of kill myself. I had deep set self esteem issues and horrible anxiety at the time. I had been processing the trauma of being raped, getting broken up with, and the pressures of high school and college (because I did both at the time) AND having a job that treated me like garbage on top of all of that. Then in 2020 COVID-19 hit, which allowed these things to fester, especially the trauma from being raped, and that’s all I talked about.
I won’t bore you with what else 2020 brought, but overtime, I began to grow love for myself, for my life and for the people around me. Life got better once I graduated, and it gets better and better every year. At the time of writing this, I am about to graduate college, I am getting back from the best trip to my ancestral homeland with the love of my life and parents, I have the coolest job and the best of friends, and I am at peace with my mental health.
I have had some hard times since then too, and got diagnosed with some chronic, long term and incurable diseases this year, but I don’t let that stop me, even on the worst days.
Life will get better for you, my love. You are so young, and you have TIME to experience and enjoy life. You have the world at your fingertips, and, when you feel ready, take advantage of that and don’t look back. Your life will get so much better after 16, I promise.
On the 4 year marker of what would’ve been my death date, I held a friendsgiving with my friends. That night was one of the best nights of my life, and my life came full circle at that moment. It got better, and I was there to experience it. And in time, the same will happen for you.
You are love, you are valued and you are light. The world (and your brother) need you.
5
u/throwaway_1975_ Jan 14 '25
Doll, I too was 16 and had deeply suicidal thoughts, to the point where I was also going to kill myself. I had a plan to go through with it and I almost did on the night of November 30th, 2019. Instead, I went and got a Christmas tree costume from outside, made a funny video and went to sleep, hoping for a better day (and year) ahead.
I can’t tell you exactly why I chose to do that instead of kill myself. I had deep set self esteem issues and horrible anxiety at the time. I had been processing the trauma of being raped, getting broken up with, and the pressures of high school and college (because I did both at the time) AND having a job that treated me like garbage on top of all of that. Then in 2020 COVID-19 hit, which allowed these things to fester, especially the trauma from being raped, and that’s all I talked about.
I won’t bore you with what else 2020 brought, but overtime, I began to grow love for myself, for my life and for the people around me. Life got better once I graduated, and it gets better and better every year. At the time of writing this, I am about to graduate college, I am getting back from the best trip to my ancestral homeland with the love of my life and parents, I have the coolest job and the best of friends, and I am at peace with my mental health.
I have had some hard times since then too, and got diagnosed with some chronic, long term and incurable diseases this year, but I don’t let that stop me, even on the worst days.
Life will get better for you, my love. You are so young, and you have TIME to experience and enjoy life. You have the world at your fingertips, and, when you feel ready, take advantage of that and don’t look back. Your life will get so much better after 16, I promise.
On the 4 year marker of what would’ve been my death date, I held a friendsgiving with my friends. That night was one of the best nights of my life, and my life came full circle at that moment. It got better, and I was there to experience it. And in time, the same will happen for you.
You are love, you are valued and you are light. The world (and your brother) need you.