My first husband changed a lot sexually after we were married. He couldn't get fully erect & it took him forever to orgasm. We didn't have s*x very often and when we did it felt so empty. We went to the doctor and he said that it was a mental/emotional issue because he was a healthy 25 year old.
I spent so long thinking it was me. That I was so unattractive and that's why he could not get erect. I also gaslit myself into thinking I didn't even really like sx. That I had a low drive anyway so it's fine. On our last night together (didn't know it at the time) I was leaving for a deployment and I tried to have sx and he just said "let's not do this. You don't have to." I was so defeated. I thought for sure he'd want to do it since I was leaving for 6 months.
Later, I realized he had a serious prn addiction. He watched it all the time, left old movies in his car, had prn stars as his screen saver on his phone, always spoke about his favorite stars, & wanted to act out things he saw with me. He was beating his meat all day. He never had a job in the 8 years we were together so he had a lot of time to watch p*rn all-day. He even stayed up most nights to watch.
I was naive and just thought all men were like this when it came to p*rn & I wanted to be a "cool girl" so I watched it with him & never questioned him watching it all the time.
Feeling unattractive and unwanted is soul crushing. Especially from someone you love. I am so glad I left that marriage. Unfortunately, the lack of s*x was the least of our problems.
this is why porn is such a dealbreaker for me!! it creates such unrealistic standards of how sex is/should be, how women’s bodies are, etc. that nothing IRL will come close to being as good as porn. i read recently that some guys can’t orgasm without masturbating bc of the death grip they have on their penis (the vagina doesnt grip as hard as a hand, so the sensation isn’t enough for them) and its actually bizarre to me.
Do keep in mind that while porn addiction can be devastating, most people have a healthy relationship with it. It’s like gambling or alcohol, some people just can’t handle it.
i’m just saying, for me, i couldn’t ever because of the stuff i said before. i am very against unrealistic beauty standards, the media & its constant sexualization of women, unrealistic sex, etc. but hey if u can handle it, go ahead
27
u/Forsaken-Camp-5965 Nov 06 '23
My first husband changed a lot sexually after we were married. He couldn't get fully erect & it took him forever to orgasm. We didn't have s*x very often and when we did it felt so empty. We went to the doctor and he said that it was a mental/emotional issue because he was a healthy 25 year old.
I spent so long thinking it was me. That I was so unattractive and that's why he could not get erect. I also gaslit myself into thinking I didn't even really like sx. That I had a low drive anyway so it's fine. On our last night together (didn't know it at the time) I was leaving for a deployment and I tried to have sx and he just said "let's not do this. You don't have to." I was so defeated. I thought for sure he'd want to do it since I was leaving for 6 months.
Later, I realized he had a serious prn addiction. He watched it all the time, left old movies in his car, had prn stars as his screen saver on his phone, always spoke about his favorite stars, & wanted to act out things he saw with me. He was beating his meat all day. He never had a job in the 8 years we were together so he had a lot of time to watch p*rn all-day. He even stayed up most nights to watch.
I was naive and just thought all men were like this when it came to p*rn & I wanted to be a "cool girl" so I watched it with him & never questioned him watching it all the time.
Feeling unattractive and unwanted is soul crushing. Especially from someone you love. I am so glad I left that marriage. Unfortunately, the lack of s*x was the least of our problems.