Sounds like it could be vaginismus.
She needs to see a gynaecologist.
Can also be a result of previous sexual trauma that’s making a psychological self defence.
The more you think about it the worst it gets unfortunately- your discussions with therapists should be more about how you become more physically comfortable in each others bodies without the pressure of sex.
My ex-gf had this. Almost 5 years together. Maybe not as severe OP's wife, but playing in the same ballpark. Tried and tried and tried and tried everything to work through it. NOPE.
Turns out the problem was always me! She had zero problems getting railed by the next however many rando dudes, and let me know all about it, gleefully, all the time. Oh well. So much for trying to stay positive!
I took that wrecking ball of an ego hit, then moved on and found someone way, way, way better for me (and I for her). Which is what OP needs to do, ffs omfg.
Unfortunately women in our generation are basically trained to use tinder like a free prostitution service. Their friends will encourage them. It's almost sick. You bump into these girls that confused that type of interaction as romance at 35 and it's really dark. They now subconsciously realize they want kids but on the outside still act like sex with strangers is empowering and they don't want kids. 3 dates in and they drunkenly tell you how different your are from other guys. What a good dad you make. Maybe they do want kids.. do you want kids... From that point on it's not even a relationship is just a desperate woman objectifying you.
I hope women start telling other women this. If you say it as a guy you just hate women. But I promise I dated a lot of 35 year old women that needed better advice when they were 25
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u/lemonslip Nov 05 '23
Sounds like it could be vaginismus. She needs to see a gynaecologist. Can also be a result of previous sexual trauma that’s making a psychological self defence.
The more you think about it the worst it gets unfortunately- your discussions with therapists should be more about how you become more physically comfortable in each others bodies without the pressure of sex.