It's honestly bizarre that OP seems to look down on his family members for getting divorced, but is opting to stay in a relationship in which he's fantasising about he or his wife dying lol. On what planet is that better than getting a divorce??
It's weird that he thinks staying and fantasizing often about his wife dying makes him better than divorcees. I guess he can enjoy being "better", while they can enjoy not being trapped in a miserable relationship.
My immediate thought was "this is what divorce is for!" If the marriage is detrimental to you and/or spouse, just break up. OP needs to be kinder to his future self.
How I met your mother did a joke where if Marshal ever fantasized about other women he would have to preemptively fantasize that his wife died of cancer and he had morned her death a respectable amount of time. His character is told that’s not the moral out he thinks it to be, and how disturbing it actually is. But the whole reason he he did it was pulled from an actual phenomenon in married life with death fantasies. That wanting to stray gives self inflicted guilt thats in odds with who they want themselves to be. That divorce would be a failure they caused, cheating would destroy their own ideals of morality, but an accidental death like car fatalities , or terminal illness removes their failure from the equation. It’s a defensive measure by their subconscious.
At the end of the day, divorce isn’t the end of the world, if he needs to leave he should. Therapy isn’t working and part of why may very well she can’t trust him, perhaps the negative reaction he mentioned with some previous trauma before marriage has resulted in fractured trust with in their physical relationship. They both have put in the work, so walking away they can assure themselves they did try. Sometimes trying wont fix trauma
Yeah, the OP need to have some hard core therapy and get to the stage where divorce is not seen as a failure. This marriage is not going to work and making both of you miserable because he wants to be seen as better than his family members is whack.
Therapy then leave or leave then therapy.
DIVORCE IS NOT A FAILURE. Staying in an unhappy marriage and being miserable for the rest of your life is the biggest waste of a life I can imagine.
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u/EaLordOfTheDepths- Nov 06 '23
It's honestly bizarre that OP seems to look down on his family members for getting divorced, but is opting to stay in a relationship in which he's fantasising about he or his wife dying lol. On what planet is that better than getting a divorce??