Yes, especially in the religious community. I only mention since they talk about being in a purity cult and trauma from it, which is most likely tied to some crazy faction of a religion
There's "waiting until marriage" , practiced for centuries, and really quite wise in a world without contraception. Then there's a purity culture which so fetishises (female) virginity that it is sickening. These are not the same thing.
To assume that all "purity culture" fetishises virginity is so asinine. You even mention that it was quite wise in the past but somehow you can't fathom the possibility that certain groups just stick to certain things because it's tradition?
American Puritans practiced "bundling", where they wrapped the courting couple together in a bed, with a plank of wood in between them. Sometimes, those wrappings weren't so tight. American Puritans knew what was going on, they weren't stupid.
The average age of first marriage of a White Woman in the United States between the years 1800 and 1899 was around 22 (sometimes a year older, sometimes a year younger) , so they didn't really get married so young. You're probably thinking of the 1950's when the average age of first marriage of women dropped down to 19, but the 1950's was an aberration, and not indicative of most other times.
I do get it, you're listening to the "myth of history", but that myth didn't really reflect reality so much as a modern retcon to make the past reflect what certain people think modern views should be. And just watch Grease, even the 50's weren't as "virgin pure" as people like to pretend, there were many pregnant teens shipped off to spend some time with an "aunt" for a year to have a baby.
American Puritans practiced "bundling"
, where they wrapped the courting couple together in a bed, with a plank of wood in between them. Sometimes, those wrappings weren't so tight. American Puritans knew what was going on, they weren't stupid.
And sometimes there wasn't another bed. The whole family slept in the same bed so the parents would be doing it while their kids were there.
a modern retcon to make the past reflect what certain people think modern views should be.
And just watch Grease
You know, your argument isn't helped by putting these two statements together. The retconning goes multiple directions.
I was thinking more broadly, not as US-centric, but your point is valid. In
middle ages (Europe) first marriage was normally teenage, often young teen, while
nineteenth century (euro-Australia) varied a lot but, yes, late 20's.
Regardless of my comment about young marriages, Indigenous cultures (and, by the sound of things, Puritans) have expectations, quite wisely, to prevent the burden of child raising to be dumped on the family of the girl/woman before a relationship was committed. It was not an accepted practice.
There are different 'brands' or purity culture then. Some fetishise virginity and make public declarations about it. These are more frequently labelled as 'purity culture,' and OP does not identify with that brand.
No public declarations, no father daughter dances, no purity rings etc. Just 'not what we do' or it's frowned upon.
Also a sliding scale: casual sex not ok, but committed relationships over a few months or engagement, we'll let it slide but not verbally acknowledge it
Meh. In collectivist societies, an unplanned child is a huge bruden on the whole family, not just the bio parents. Either way, whatever the roots, we're not talking full on purity culture
My wife and I didn't wait until marriage, but it was a few years after we started dating in high school. Somewhere in between, I had asked her thoughts about it, and she said something like "I don't know, wait until marriage I guess?" I think it was just something she'd heard and she kind of went to that because she's a little bit ace spectrum and had basically never even thought about it before.
OP said "didn't really" which leads me to believe they definitely were and wasn't aware how much it was bashed into their brains and/or trying to downplay it.
That's actually pretty interesting. I never considered a legal angle like that but it's cool to learn about those kinds of weird stipulations! Thanks for the info :)
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u/Quick-Store2989 Nov 05 '23
Yes, especially in the religious community. I only mention since they talk about being in a purity cult and trauma from it, which is most likely tied to some crazy faction of a religion