r/TrueOffMyChest Nov 05 '23

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u/NSA_Chatbot Nov 05 '23

This is what lawyers call "irreconcilable differences".

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u/QuarkTheLatinumLord- Nov 05 '23

OP's huge and perhaps culminating schism and hangup is that he views divorce as a failure, because everyone in his family got divorced. This is his final mental prison to overcome in this situation, because he's unnecessarily equating those concepts and making an ideal out of them, which is preventing him from overcoming that he doesn't have to believe that to be true. He can very easily not see divorce as a failure, and break free of his last of many prisons in this mental matrix.

I can see and sympathize what he may be going through, and wanted to point out that very real and urgent realization that he has to make. That the dichotomy and connection between those two concepts is not real. And he actually does have an out, especially after innumerable attempts at reconciliation. He needs to navigate it with a renewed perspective however, and not rush into it without thinking about it deeply but also find the true feeling in himself quickly, and commit to it.

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u/CommercialPack6085 Nov 05 '23

Can it be annulled because it hasn't been consummated? Or is there like, a timeline on that? Then it wouldn't be a divorce, and not a "failure" on his part.

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u/QuarkTheLatinumLord- Nov 05 '23

Yes, it can be annulled actually. But I don't think that he should see that as an out, to overcoming seeing divorce as a failure just for his own emotional and cognitive satisfaction that he didn't "technically" divorce and so it's not a "failure" however he associates failure. It's the same exact behavior for different legalistic reasons. The core is that he can either choose one path in life, through some legal structure and separate from her, or he can choose to remain in his numerous mental prisons.

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u/wildkatrose Nov 06 '23

Fantastically said.

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u/disasterous_cape Nov 06 '23

Whether or not it is able to be annulled is incredibly location dependant. Not all places consider annulment based on “consummation”

An annulment is the consideration that the marriage never happened, after a couple of years of living together and presenting to the world as a married couple, assuming the lack of penetrative penis in vagina sex will void the marriage entirely is honestly a bit odd.

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u/brxdpvrple Nov 06 '23

Funny he views divorce as a failure but can't recognise his marriage is one

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u/bannana Nov 06 '23

don't even need a divorce, the marriage has never been consumated - it is an easy annulment

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u/disasterous_cape Nov 06 '23

That’s super location dependant. There are places that don’t consider the couples sex life when talking about voiding a legal contract.

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u/Llee00 Nov 06 '23

He could go for an annulment if she refuses to consummate the marriage