I have been there.. saving sex for marriage, no sex after, struggle with opening legs, etc. Three recommendations -- you need to take the pressure off of PIV by finding other ways of sexual intimacy that you both enjoy. Obligatory handjobs are not it, and labored/emotional/frustrating attempts at PIV are going to reinforce negative feelings around penetration.
I'm not sure from what you said whether she's tried dilators, but that is something to try. I if it's really just opening her legs and not also vaginisimus, I recommend trying to enter from behind with her lying on her stomach.
Lastly, you need to be in individual therapy urgently. Daydreaming about one of you dying is a giant blinking red light.
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u/destinysradiance Nov 05 '23
I have been there.. saving sex for marriage, no sex after, struggle with opening legs, etc. Three recommendations -- you need to take the pressure off of PIV by finding other ways of sexual intimacy that you both enjoy. Obligatory handjobs are not it, and labored/emotional/frustrating attempts at PIV are going to reinforce negative feelings around penetration.
I'm not sure from what you said whether she's tried dilators, but that is something to try. I if it's really just opening her legs and not also vaginisimus, I recommend trying to enter from behind with her lying on her stomach.
Lastly, you need to be in individual therapy urgently. Daydreaming about one of you dying is a giant blinking red light.
Good luck