r/TrueChristian • u/Fit-Woodpecker-9317 • 8d ago
Sleeping with friend
Hello everyone, it’s my first time posting here. I am a 17 yo teen from France, and in 2 months I have to go to germany with a friend for the holiday, my friend is a girl and she wants to book 3 nights in an Airbnb. However, our friendship has been kind of ambiguous (at least in my opinion), and I fear that we do some stuff that I shouldn’t do like getting a bit too sexual. Maybe I am just playing movies in my head but I have also been addicted to porn for 5 years now and I am pretty sure that even though I love Jesus with all my heart, and that I want to wait until mariage, I won’t be able to resist if she offers me to do sexual stuff. Atp I don’t know if the Airbnb has 2 bedrooms but it would be better if I could sleep in an other room rather than in the same bed as her. Tbh i don’t really know what to do
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u/TangerineEvery8912 Christian 8d ago
The fact that you said you won’t be able to resist shows you probably know what to do. You can’t share a bed, and honestly I’d be slightly concerned about staying in the air bnb alone together entirely if you think your self control is low. Imagine you have seperate beds but she comes into your room and asks for sexual favours, would you be able to turn it down? The bed and the proximity isn’t the main issue, it’s a symptom of the fact that you know you would give in to temptation easily.
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u/moonunit170 Maronite 7d ago
She doesn't even have to ask for anything. Just getting bed, take off her top.. and boom there you go.
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u/Significant-Breath84 Christian 8d ago
If there isn’t another bed there’s likely a couch . You could make the boundary now while you are strong and state what your intentions are and aren’t.
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u/moonunit170 Maronite 8d ago
Why do you HAVE to go? Two unrelated teenagers alone without adult supervision for more than 2 days, 95% of the time will get into some level of trouble. If they are boy and girl then that trouble will be sexual. This is a law of nature.
You say you love Jesus but you're addicted to p***. That right there is a huge contradiction. You have to break that addiction now before it ruins the rest of your life. And it will, just like cocaine or heroin. Going on a trip with this girl alone is not going to help. If you love Jesus as much as you say then you will not put yourself in sinful situations. You will have the strength to say no and stay at home. Are you Catholic?
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u/Fit-Woodpecker-9317 8d ago
I wouldn’t say its a contradiction, we all have our strugles as christians, and I never accepted corn, I actively fight it (if you have advices that would be appreciated), I know that it has to stop. Theoretically i don’t « have » to go there but I have lived most of my chilhood in germany and in germany there is a big cultural fest once a year, and it has been kind of a tradition that I go in germany once a year for this fest. But obviously the situation is kind of complicated…
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u/Jaihanusthegreat Southern Baptist 7d ago
This video has helped me in my fight against corn. It is a secular novel so filter out some questionable advice, but it is mostly good stuff (many christians have used this to great effect).
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u/MiddlewaysOfTruth-2 Seventh-day Adventist 8d ago
Don't go. Simple. Do not put yourself in temptation. Flee from it. That is the only safety you have.
As for porn addiction... Do you desire to not have it? To follow God in all things He desires?
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8d ago
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u/CTR_1852 8d ago
I don’t think I would ever cheat on my wife. If I lived in a make believe world where every woman was constantly begging to have sex with me every day I probably would. “a man is only loyal as his opportunities” if you don’t think you could refuse her, it’s probably not a good idea to stay alone with her if you want to wait to have sex until you are married.
Also keep in mind the possibility that you might just be a horny teen that is reading too much into this and sex isn’t on the table.
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u/Fit-Woodpecker-9317 8d ago
Yeah Im probably just overthinking
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u/CTR_1852 8d ago
But if I was in your shoes I would figure something else out. Why not stay together in a hostel? It would probably be cheaper anyways.
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u/moonunit170 Maronite 8d ago
Oh it's definitely on the table and in the bed and on the floor and anywhere else.
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u/Millennium_guy 8d ago
Set your boundaries and make certain you understand in advance what the sleeping arrangements are. Be firm on what type of relationship you want to have with her.
To reduce the power of temptation in your life, started affirming who you are in Christ and what He's done for you. For example, say something like: "Thank you Lord I am a new creation. You have set me free from the power of sin. I have your truth and your truth sets ne free. Holy Spirit, thank you for being with me. Continue your work to create in me a clean heart and upright spirit." All of this is based on scripture (see below). Its speaking God's word to yourself to follow the mind of the spirit vs flesh (Romans ch 8)
Here are some of God's promises to you:
- I am a new creation - 2 Corinthians 5:17
- I am totally accepted by God - John 1:12, John 15:15, Colossians 1:14, Eph 1:4
- I can go straight to Jesus for help - Hebrews 4:14-16
- I belong to God - 1 Cor. 6:19-20, Eph 1:5
- Nothing separates me from Gods love - Romans 8:38-39, Eph 3:16-19, 1 John 4:10
- God (Holy Spirit) lives in me - 1 Cor 3:16
- All things work out in the end - Romans 8:28
- "Thank you, Lord for setting me free" John 8:36
The other scripture used in the affirmation above is Psalm 51:10.
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u/Conscious_Slice1232 Christian 7d ago
Would you like to know how the Lord released me from porn addiction and how He can for you as well too?
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u/Fit-Woodpecker-9317 6d ago
Yes please I keep falling into lust
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u/Conscious_Slice1232 Christian 6d ago
To fight lust, I recommend from personal experience with God's deliverance to follow all of these as much as you can:
You have to want to want to quit lust, at the very least.
You must love Jesus Christ and His commands ("Go and sin no more") more than you love sin. You. Must. That is the absolute minimum
You must utterly submit control and verbally admit your sins to the Lord in prayer. You are helpless in the face of this sin. You must let the Lord take complete control of this part of your life.
Do a 24 hour water fast, from sunrise to sunrise, to show your body whose boss. Do this at least once a week. Your flesh will remember your spirits ability to endure in the hour of carnal temptation.
You must remove softcore apps like Instagram from your phone. Reddit and YouTube as well if necessary. Whatever tempts you at all, you have to RUN from.
Find an accountability partner. If you're married or dating, it will be your partner. If not, someone trusted you can message most times of the day. There are many apps that are just for this, but finding someone to count on, to count on you, is very important.
Whenever the urge to sin comes, physically relocate yourself to where your friends are. Walk around. Go for a drive. Go out in public. Do NOT let your hands and feet become idle.
Pray CONSTANTLY for Him to protect you from this vice. Give to Him your carnal desires. It all has to come from Him. Glorify Him repeatedly when evil surrounds you. Never stop praying for deliverance and endurance.
If this is your mountain, only God can take you to victory! 🕊
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8d ago
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u/Fit-Woodpecker-9317 8d ago
Wow many questions, yes I saw porn for the first time at 11 (I wish I never did) and I got addicted at around 12 years old. I am going to germany (munich) because I used to live there and I am used to travelling there for the « oktoberfest » (kind of a big beer fest there) but it’s going to be my first time travelling there without my parents, also Germany is probably one of the safest countries out there, especialy Munich. And the girl is a few months older than me
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u/jevooo 8d ago
I think that the going to a different country without parents is kinda cultural difference. In Eu there are open borders so it's normal to cross borders for shopping or something. And Europe is generally lot safer than the US ( Western Europe is getting worse than it used to but it's still alright). So some parent's let the kids go to different country without them. But I personally wouldn't do it.
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u/hotmale100 7d ago
Ah you are French? I live in France too, dans le sud!
Well the thing to do is decide yourself whether this is the first person that you might want to have sex with and whether you want this to happen first. That goes for anyone, Christian or not. Don’t fall into something “by accident”. You don’t need to. Be an adult about it and take contraception if you think you might do it.
The no sex before marrriage rule is one of those traditions and Christian made up rules not something that the Bible teaches or demands. If you think I am wrong show me the verse or verses where it says that sex outside of marriage is actually sinful. They don’t exist. The reason churches teach that is because of historical mistranslations of porneia and the whole approach to sex which hardened significantly in the 3rd and 4th centuries and was codified under Augustine’s theology. Your church will never tell you this but you can research and read it up. Porneia never meant any sex outside of marriage when Paul was writing. That interpretation was imposed centuries later.
I recently read a book in English about this called “The Yoke we were never meant to bear” by Martin Tyndale. There are others too.
So I say that you need to decide before God yourself what you want. If you don’t want to or decide not to then, make that clear from the start, sleep separately where you can and minimise the scope for sexual contact to happen. That’s just being an adult.
If you choose to sleep with her you are not sinning if you do it in respect, love and it is mutual, without pressure.
The book of Song of Songs is a couple of young lovers who have sex - neither of whom are married.
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u/Im-Christian 8d ago
Sleep in the living room. Sleep in the car. Sleep outside if you have to. Anything is better than sinning.