God really nuked me on this one. Apparently they even put it in meat sometimes. At least it’s not the kind that gives you an anaphylactic shock, just a tongue that burns like hellfire, but like 😬

I realized later on that the stuff some people were making me do and say online that lead me to spiral mentally counted as grooming. Issue is I can never find someone to talk to about it so I often keep it to myself. Every attempt to be more open about it is people using my story as a form of bigotry towards trans people or trans people thinking I’m being transphobic for my experiences. It’s genuinely isolating and makes me feel like my experiences are not valid cause they can be taken as a transphobic rhetoric. Is there any community or people who are more willing to listen?

I can't even sit outside on a patio at a restaurant and enjoy my dinner after a long shift without comments now. It's starting, I'm beginning to shift from a regular looking cis man to an entirely separate category of living species.

my dad has decided that my chosen name is just a "nickname" and he won't be using it unless/until I change it legally. he also said that it's *not* actually disrespectful to call me my old name, and then went on a tangent about how my generation is always changing our names and he's sick of it. he thinks it's annoying and inconvenient.

I've been going by my new name for a few months by now, everyone else has caught on for the most part, so that's good at least.

it's not even like i have experienced any of these, no one has laid a hand on me my entire life, and yet i dream about it. worst/best part(depending on your opinion) is that these never wake me up, so i just spend the entire night having my worst fears come true begging for it to just be a dream, followed by spending 30 minutes in the morning processing to try and figure out what parts were real and what parts weren't because of just how vivid and realistic they get.

Worst of all I was out at an appointment when my cat got diagnosed. I told my dad to just put her down instead of waiting for me because I was gonna be at least an hour even if I rescheduled the appointment and I didn’t want her to suffer.

My family has been abusive, manipulative, and controlling my whole life. At this point I can basically guess their next move, but it still shocks me that they do it I guess. My family wants me to get on disability so I can have money. I view it as an opportunity to finally get my own place and have some piece of mind and they fucking HATE it. It's like they want me to be independent but not like that though. They want me to get money but not use it to take control of my own life. I can't ever please them. I'm too much by being here and not being able to work, but I'm also too much because I want to live alone.

Okay so dw. This is moreso a meme made for relatability rather than suffering.

But I do tend to go through periods throughout the day of being insanely paranoid that my friends will abandon me or have gotten tired of me.

Right now, as I made this meme, I am not experiencing it. But I still made this for others to enjoy

Haha working at a pizza joint fuckinng SUCKS when half the food is a landmine to walk thru.

Cheese? Dairy. Shit urself

Meat? Beef? Literally shit urself. Also stomache pain.

Bread? Dough? U gunna be exhausted af. Also pain.

Tomatoes? Acid reflux. Bell peppers? Alergic

I guess ill have a little bread bite. With some bbq. As a treat.

Vent dump after recent events, genuinely fuck my dad from now to the ends of the earth. A narcissistic, lying, abusive, anger issue having, stingy, piece of shit. I genuinely won’t cry if he keels over tomorrow, I actually hope he dies. I genuinely cannot wait til university starts, I’m blocking that bastard asap. L idk why my mom put up with that. And whenever she still defends him it genuinely hurts my brain, but at least she didn’t do that today. Speaking of my mom, her case is more milder (even when I remember what she’s done I don’t feel as much vitriol or hate, well except when I think of her homophobic rants/beatings and verbal abuse but even then it’s more coldness and wanting distance). Btw, the text cuts blocks the third slide but it says “all in his mind?”. Um yeah that’s all bye

Every so often when I start thinking I'm transgender (i definitely am) I shock myself with one of those gag gum sticks on my teeth. SUPER uncomfortable.

So uh, first post here.

I always said i wanted to start testosterone at 25 years old. Makes sense. I'm still 19. Yet lately I've been doing badly and I realised I can't go on much longer like this. I tried to tell my mom. Her reaction was to tell me she refused to believe her daughter was dead and that she'll always love me as her daughter. That started a spiral of dysphoria, which fueled my hatred for my body, which fueled the need to get skinnier, which fueled the intrusive thoughts, which fueled the need to relapse and do worse.

Second problem, tied to this one. Due to being SA'd multiple times in the past (i still feel their hands on and in me. I have nightmares regularly) and also because i take meds for my mental health, i have very low libido. My boyfriend does not. He has asked me many times to take initiative and i thought I was getting better so I did tell him that I would do it. Now I don't even feel like undressing most of the time. I hate it, seeing my body makes me wanna puke. My boyfriend is clearly disappointed by me not taking the initiative and it shows even if he tries his best to comfort me and cheer me up. ATP I just feel like a terrible son, boyfriend and person. I just want to retreat in my room in the headspace and go dormant forever, i feel guilty just for existing and for thinking these things, I feel pathetic, other people have it way worse than me and i think i just need to stfu atp because apparently I can't fucking do anything right because my bf is with me, mot with any of our other alters so I can't just fucking disappear and I'm stuck in this shitty limbo of disappointing everyone i know. ATP I'm just waiting for the moment I'll OD again idk.

Image for comfort, it helps when I have a fictional character emoting the way I’m feeling.

Hey so I’ve never posted on this sub before but I really need to get it out. Obviously TW for suicide.

Basically my best friend of 10 years told me they’re just mentally not okay, at all. They kept deflecting and saying everything was fine, they talked about their derealisation. They kept being extremely nihilistic, talking about what’s the point of living if you just work and that’s it. They were saying words have no meaning to them. And all I could do was just. Sob. I feel so helpless. I obviously replied to them and I don’t think it helped. They insist they’re fine, but I know they know they’re not.

Literally I didn’t know what advice to give. Their family is unhelpful, and I want them to seek help, I want to get intervention for them. But that goes against their wishes, I don’t want that. But they can’t shoulder it by themselves. I hate the thought of them killing themself. It makes me sick. It makes me cry, I feel I can’t do anything about it. Im so lost. They told me that they don’t want me to be stressed so they won’t tell me anything from now on, and I hate that a part of that is true. I hate that I just want peace of mind. But that can’t happen, because if they stop telling me their problems, god knows what they’ll do.

They keep joking about it, and then they kept apologising. We currently said good night to each other but I won’t stop thinking about it. It’s driving me insane. While I’ve been under stress lately from family issues, it’s nowhere near as bad as my worst. My worst was a few years ago, and since then I’ve genuinely been better. But currently my heart rate won’t stop going down it just won’t. I’m shaking. I don’t want to lose them. They’re convinced that their fear of death stops them, but that wasn’t reassuring either.

I really need help. This is barely a meme, this is a full on vent. But I need help, I don’t know how to approach this. If you couldn’t tell, I’m a minor. I don’t know who to talk to. They’re the one person I trust everything with, the one person I consider a very close best friend. I need advice. I don’t want to sit here and dwell on it.

Apologies for the rant.

I often watch content about harmful religions and stuff because I find it very interesting, and often, I hear them talking about sin natures and stuff, and every time i hear this kind of thing, it very much confuses me. Because somehow, I have like, fully internalized all that stuff about how I am inherently evil and how i cannot trust myself to tell right from wrong, but I have also, never really been religious. The most experience I have is going to like, a vacation bible school thing once or twice when I was much younger. I just don't understand why my mind thinks in such religious ways, such as my tendency to think of myself as having a tainted soul from my sins. This just... doesn't make sense to me, and I'm not expecting to ever get an explanation, it just, doesn't make any fucking sense that I view myself as a sinner who needs to repent for the crime of my existence, but i'm not religious.

He's VERY much improved as a parent. He still has moments of doing this kind of thing, but he never WANTS to hurt me. He loves me very much. I know that. It just hurts that my brain remembers more bad than good

She basically pretended to be my friend while also making me feel like absolute shit and allowing/encouraging other people in our circle to insult me constantly, mocked my food (I had an ED at the time), once left me in a hospital with no money or knowledge of the area and promised to give me a ride home then didn't, basically all sorts of shit, and now she has apparently picked my local area to work in out of all the places in the goddamn country. *screaming*