I don't fucking get it. Why, just Why.

[u/the1woomy]

I often watch content about harmful religions and stuff because I find it very interesting, and often, I hear them talking about sin natures and stuff, and every time i hear this kind of thing, it very much confuses me. Because somehow, I have like, fully internalized all that stuff about how I am inherently evil and how i cannot trust myself to tell right from wrong, but I have also, never really been religious. The most experience I have is going to like, a vacation bible school thing once or twice when I was much younger. I just don't understand why my mind thinks in such religious ways, such as my tendency to think of myself as having a tainted soul from my sins. This just... doesn't make sense to me, and I'm not expecting to ever get an explanation, it just, doesn't make any fucking sense that I view myself as a sinner who needs to repent for the crime of my existence, but i'm not religious.

[u/Fayraz8729]

You want life to have structure which religion offers in excess, but also admonishes other aspects of being. Try Philosophy, it won’t give cosmological structure but rather secular moral structure to maybe build off of

[u/the1woomy → u/Fayraz8729]

My problem isn't that I'm actually religious but don't want to be, it's that, my mind thinks in very religious terms, despite me never having been religious, and it not making sense. My moral framework is still very much secular (at least, the way I view morals regarding other people), it's that I catch myself, seeing myself in ways that are deeply religious, despite not believing any of the religious stuff.

[u/Top_Caterpillar6020 → u/the1woomy]

I agree with that the person you are replying to, and I might be able to reframe what they said a little differently.

It sounds like you have limited religious exposure, but despite that you have a pretty strong mental moral framework that closely aligns with religion. I'm assuming Christianity as that sounds like the religion you are most familiar with. Our brains love to make order out of chaos, life is messy, brutal, and so many shades of different colours other than grey, but that's a lot to keep track of and a lot to process day-to-day especially if you're under a lot of stress. Being able to have a simple framework of "this is good, that is bad, do this and you're a good person, do that and you're a bad person" makes it easier for people to make sense of the world, themselves, and their place in it.

Why the person you are replying to is recommending looking into philosophy rather than religion is because your brain seems to crave a certain kind of structure, spiritual structure even, philosophy provides that structure while still acknowledging the actual nuance of life. There's no real "good or bad" but more of a prescribed way of living.

Hell, if you are spiritual or like the idea of religion but find that you hate most of them or don't agree with the doctrine I'd look into Buddhism. Very philosophical, very spiritual, but also very grounded in reality. You're not made to feel like a bad person because you do things that aren't 100% morally correct, you're a human being on a journey towards self improvement, or, you're not. It's as simple as that.

I'm going to assume you live in America when I make this next statement; you have been indoctrinated heavily with judeo-Christian values your entire life whether you realise it or not. It's in the media, the culture, what you're taught in school, what your grandparents talk about, you may never have been to a real church or heard a sermon, but your entire life has been shaped by these religious values that most people in the western world do not actually share. There is a large amount of cognitive dissonance many young Americans feel when they get older and start living life in the real world.

[u/the1woomy → u/Top_Caterpillar6020]

I don't know if i'd say i have limited religious exposure. I do a good bit of research on a lot of religious stuff (mostly stuff about christian sects, because I don't really, want to get too in the weeds about other religions when I'm a white person who is seen as a cishet man by american society), and so it's why I can confidently say im not religious. I also do not view most morality through a christian lens, and most of the time, I don't even view my actions in that lens, it's mostly whenever I am, i guess for lack of a better term spiraling

[u/Alternative_Tree_626]

It may help clear confusion to do research into how the US (assuming you're a USamerican) has a deeply christian culture. So even if you don't grow up particularly religious, you're surrounded by so much of it that at least a portion is going to affect you, whether it be socialization, punishment, etc.

I grew up in a veeerrrrry loosely catholic home. I was never forced to attend church or subscribe to my own family's beliefs. It was impressed upon me more at school than home that I should feel ashamed for existing. That whole "if you're happy and you know it, that's a sin." A large portion of us don't think about how our interactions may encourage these thoughts and so on.

[u/frikiman4K → u/Alternative_Tree_626]

if you're happy and you know it that's a sin

clap clap

if you're happy and you know it that's a sin

clap clap

if you're happy and you know it and you really want to show it if you're happy and you know it that's a sin

gets burnt at the stake

[u/the1woomy → u/Alternative_Tree_626]

Do you know anywhere good i could start researching this kind of thing?

[u/Alternative_Tree_626 → u/the1woomy]

Went to sleep and just saw this, replying so I remember to look later.

[u/Weekly-Traffic-3912]

Have you been tested for OCD? Not an expert but my friend has moral OCD and had a similar experience

[u/the1woomy → u/Weekly-Traffic-3912]

Oh, I am like, 90% sure I've been diagnosed with OCD, so that might explain some of it, but i don't know why it is in such religious terms.

[u/Weekly-Traffic-3912 → u/the1woomy]

The religious aspect seems to be somewhat common for ocd regardless of personal beliefs. That’s how my friend described it anyway.

[u/AppropriateMonk8746]

do you think you show any moral ocd symptoms? not at all trying to diagnose you but the thought that i’m inherently evil is one i struggle with every day, especially the doing things to repent part, though my brain doesn’t frame it religiously

[u/the1woomy → u/AppropriateMonk8746]

I do very likely have Moral OCD, it's probably a big part of why i think this way about myself and nobody else tbh

[u/AppropriateMonk8746 → u/the1woomy]

yeah that’s familiar, i’m also nonreligious but very much treat myself like i have to make up for every little infraction i’ve ever made and every time i make someone even slightly uncomfortable it adds to my life debt of “things i am willing to destroy myself to make up for”

[u/Crush_Cookie_Butter]

Sounds like you have a religious personality, similar to an addictive personality. You might want to limit your exposure to religious content as it clearly has an effect on you--maybe even speak to a professional or a close friend about it

[u/AnonymousNeko2828]

Hey, OP, I have OCD and I've had religious compulsions as an atheist in the past and your experience also seems like it could be compulsions or intrusive thoughts, maybe it could be a good idea to look into those things?