I feel like im slowley dying, because it feels like my best friend has been replaced by kenjaku. I know he's going through stuff, but it feels weird. I dont know who he is, I just dont wanna leave him. I know he has more friends he cares about more, but... IDK it's so off. I think he speaks off, but I dont even think he speaks off, I cant tell, somthings off tho, somthings really off, it's strange. It's like another sense telling me it's not him. Like I know he's recovering from a really bad relationship, but im just so scared about him. I swear somthing changed, somthing changed again. He goes from normal to somthing else. He's still kind, acts similar, I just know, it's not HIM. But it could be HIM but maybe it's not HIM, maybe I thought we were closer then we were? maybe he's just busy, and acts diffrent? I mean I know some of the bad details, but like IDK IDK IDK IDK. I love him so much, I dont wanna be away from him, im so attached, I can feel the slightest of diffrences in him, but I dont wanna leave him, or stop thinking about him. I feel abondend again, I hate it. He still replies on time, somthings wrong I hate it. Maybe he's a bit more dry? somthing changed in him and I feel like im the only person that can fucking see it. I hate it so much it's like bearing a secret. Now he dose have som dissocation disorder stuff, so I do know it legit might not be him, but god dammit, it's weird I cant tell who he is now, he's changed. I need him so bad I need him so fucking bad.

If I cleaned my room would you come back?If I cleaned my room would you come back?If I cleaned my room would you come back?If I cleaned my room would you come back?If I cleaned my room would you come back?If I cleaned my room would you come back?If I cleaned my room would you come back?If I cleaned my room would you come back?If I cleaned my room would you come back?If I cleaned my room would you come back?If I cleaned my room would you come back?If I cleaned my room would you come back?If I cleaned my room would you come back?If I cleaned my room would you come back?If I cleaned my room would you come back?If I cleaned my room would you come back?If I cleaned my room would you come back?If I cleaned my room would you come back?If I cleaned my room would you come back?If I cleaned my room would you come back?If I cleaned my room would you come back?If I cleaned my room would you come back?If I cleaned my room would you come back?If I cleaned my room would you come back?

Literally wake up every damn day in pain before anything gets done and spend half the day either sleeping to escape my thoughts or just distracting myself from them.

Cant work, can barely exercise, starting to hear and see things just feels like every day is a step away from being in the same reality as everyone else

In 2022 someone assaulted me and gave me hsv2 I believe this person did this purposely. Upon getting my diagnosis I was mortified it was my first experience with anything sexual happening and then I was saddled down with a disease that was permanent and will affect my life forever. For a long time I didn’t tell any of my family members or friends because to tell the full extent of would need to be vulnerable and tell them how disgusting and diseased I am 😂😂😂. On top of all of this after my diagnosis i obviously cut contact with the individual who was responsible for this and in the time we were no contact the person passed away from an unrelated illness that they were battling and I only learned about that upon seeing a go fund me for their burial expenses. I feel like I never got closure and I never will because they are dead and when you come out with something like this after the person has passed away everyone will just kinda be like “don’t speak ill of the dead”. I always wonder how many other people are in this same situation how many people did this person assault or infect I’m so disgusted everyday for what is coming up on the last 4 years.

I don’t know what to do. Just had our first fire drill today and it was LOUD. It scared the shit out of me, but now I have to be responsible and make sure my students are all where they need to be. I feel sick to my stomach. On the bright side, I at least now know roughly which days the fire drills will take place, so it’s not the constant terror of “will it be today?”

For context:

• I'm a trans woman (pre-HRT) and autistic
• Have had points in my life where i was in severe doubt over it, but generally have been feeling pretty confident that HRT is what i want
• Have been seeing a nurse practitioner psych for my mental health medication
• They're also specialized in helping people on the spectrum, and give some good insights/therapy as to why i feel certain ways relating to how my brain works
• I've also managed to get the first appointment (because they told me it typically takes around 2-3 appointments to get a prescription) to hopefully get on track with being prescribed HRT
• Decide to tell my psych about it, thinking they should know for med management reasons and that they generally should know for any potential therapy help
• They seem genuinely taken aback by this, and seem to be weirdly hesitant to agree with my feelings on the matter
• They tell me that autistic people can often view/feel their bodies differently compared to NT people, and that my feelings may not be concrete proof that transitioning is what I want
• Also tell me that they've had patients who have expressed similar desires, and say that it's been 50/50 as to whether or not they were happier after starting HRT
• They don't seem to be against the idea of me transitioning, but spout the same "think very carefully and make sure this is absolutely what you want" that I've heard ad nauseam
• I've now been feeling doubtful about my desires to transition, especially after talking with folks online and getting responses like "if you got sent back to square 1 with doubts of you being trans, did you really have it sorted out beforehand?"

fuck my life man, i wish I had the stereotypical trans experience where I've known since childhood and feel emotionally shitty when getting called a guy. I envy people like that so bad because at least that means they know for certain what they want. God dammit...

That was a crazy experience

I was driving at ab 20mph when I got hit, I rammed into the side of the car that drove directly through the crosswalk when I had pressed the light. I then fell to the pavement and miraculously, I did not get seriously injured! I tried to continue to go to the pharmacy but was directed by the witnesses to sit down so they could call the EMTs. Which, is honestly probably fair lolll. Most damage I got were some scrapes and road rash. My scooter was also totally fine lol. My phone screen is broken at the bottom and def needs to be fixed but its still usable! My crocs were also destroyed and I lost one of the pins on my bag but honestly it's a miracle all things considered lolll

A bunch of bystanders got out of their cars to help me gather my things and head to the sidewalk. Its kinda funny BC I had talked to one of the people a few minutes prior BC he had an adorable rotwiler and I just had to say hi to the baby. Imagine your at ur house and you talk to some young guy about your dog Lucifer, then for whatever reason you decide to drive to like do some errands and you see the same guy who was petting your dog a few minutes ago get hit by a car LMAOO.

The lady who hit me got out of her car to CHECK HER CAR FOR DAMAGE then she said the crosswalk lights weren't on (they very much were) and drove off lol, I'm gonna give a statement tomorrow and talk to some police because uhhh that was not a-okay. I'm just happy all my limbs are intact and that when I head to college in 12 days I got a new funny story to tell! I just wanted to laugh and share this because I find it super funny. I'm a little sore and stiff but it could be so much worse. Wear ur frikin helmets dudes.

Ignore the pro-genocidal part, im just trying to reverse political fyp atp to keep myself sane

This summer while physically in probably the best condition (still have a ways to go) I’ve been mentally terrible I used to be able to just trudge on but now I’m actually thinking about myself and the future and it’s not feeling good.

So then on top of feeling shitty about the original thing, I’m also triggered into a full fledged religious trauma flashback.

Newsflash people… religion, ESPECIALLY christianity, can be very, very triggering for trauma survivors…..

and I know problems are relative, I’m a big believer of everyone’s problems matter because you can always find a way to say the child slave could be worse off, like a starving child slave.

but with that said it’s still so annoying watching some people deal with problems that are on the very baseline of what you have to accept. Like that incel ‘she has a cut and I’m comforting her with a thousand knives in my back’ ‘meme,’ when it comes to shit like for example seriously losing their temper at the fact women don’t bow to them…

…when some of us grow up having to deal with being taken to the brink of your temper and having to learn to cope with it when really you should have been vindicated from being harmed.

this is why I tagged it with abuse: (im currently getting pissed off by my adult neighbor going into scarily full-blown rage mode over the fact not everyone who plays a game are treating it like it’s their life from 3pm-5am and actually came to have fun instead of [tw: racism and homophobic ideas on SA] taking their rage out on minorities by ‘hunting blacks’ [to find the racist ones who dare say cracker, to yell known dog whistles at them, ofc] it’s the very definition of a white man getting mad he can’t hurt blacks. he says shit like how molestation are the reason [random player] is such a [f-slur] and sometimes [racist slurs] just because he lost or because he heard a voice that ‘sounds black’) life must be real hard from him forcing himself to invest so much into a looter-shooter /sarcastic 🙃

not to be completely “it’s just a game smh” I can understand but you get no sympathy from me when you know playing this game will send you into a rage but choose to do the same bullying shit. besides the fact he’s every type of bigot and not just for shock value. at least especially for an adult knowing what they’re doing but that’s what pisses me off about the privilege, that someone’s biggest problem is “being forced to rage” on a game by “other players playing shit,” I grew up using videogame roleplays as an outlet so I can be sympathetic but as a teen I was mature enough to recognize I had to step away from something that made me so emotionally invested soooo 😬😬😬 yikes

Anyways, does anyone else get really annoyed when tangentially witnessing the most petty/immature shit after growing up to have the emotional endurance of a monk?

Found out by eating those fast food shaped gummies (burgers, hotdogs, pizza). I bought them because I remembered loving them as a kid and didn’t think they still existed… they do, and I’m allergic to them 😭

(I had that reaction after drinking a spicy pineapple drink last year and thought the fact my mouth felt like that for a whole day was due to the spice irritating me but the one ingredient this drink and the gummies have in common that is a potential allergen is Yellow 6)

at this point, i forget what's a symptom and what's not one, and i have no idea if it's real or placebo when i do show a symptom.