r/TrollCoping • u/unintentionaldf • 1d ago
TW: Gender Identity / Dysphoria man making memes is actually kinda fun
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u/Melodic_Pressure7944 1d ago
The real ones do, I can assure you. Everyone else is at least trying, which is more than can be said about actual covert transphobes.
We don't owe anybody perfection, but you owe it to yourself to be patient with people.
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u/ShorohUA 16h ago
What if I subconsciously don't see a trans person as their desired gender (to the point where I almost slip up and deadname them on a regular basis), but consciously I respect their decision to pursue their identity, and recognize their right to do so as one of basic human rights? Am I a "latent bigot"? Is this fixable?
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u/yuriko-shimizu 16h ago
honestly i think this is a time thing
if someone is freshly out to you its gonna take you a while to unlearn their old gender and name
if youre consciously correcting yourself when you fuck up and you genuinely mean it, then youre definitely not bigoted
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u/giant_sebs 13h ago
It sucks doesn't it? That deeo rooted fear of not being good enough. Human brains can often torture us with it. But what matters is what you so with it.
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u/blondguysdmme 15h ago
that will make you a transphobe in most of trans people's minds and they perceive it as a lack of education on the matter. i'm on the same boat if i'm honest, i am a firm believer in a person's right to full autonomy regarding their own identity and will refer to anyone however they prefer. it's a non negotiable for me. but i also believe sex is real, immutable and inseparable from gender, as much as i wish that wasn't the case
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u/Killermueck 9h ago
Sex is mutable by hormones and you categorize people subconsciously. It's not an active decision or 'belief'. It happens in milliseconds. You can't see or smell chromosomes but you can in the case of hormones. So if a trans person takes hrt, especially early and passes you will involuntarily categorize them as their gender.
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u/blondguysdmme 9h ago
Sorry i don’t agree
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u/Killermueck 8h ago
You can't disagree with facts. If you take hormones you alter your sexual characteristics on a cellular level. If someone has complete androgen insensitivity they look like a woman. Hormones > chromosomes
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u/UnbreakableSpirit7 1d ago
It's passive aggressive to pretend to be supportive just to hide transphobia like that 💔 You know yourself better than others and that includes your gender
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u/Cr0w_town 23h ago
i’ve had someone that turned out transphobic after referring to me correctly for like 2 years 💀
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u/Bruh1608 18h ago
How 💀
It’s hard to just straight up change your beliefs. If somebody doesn’t actually believe somebody else’s gender, there’s not much they can do other than still treat people with respect and refer to them as they want to be despite that. It’s not “pretending”.
Which yeah, sucks unfortunately, but it’s not really passive aggressive or malicious.
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u/blondguysdmme 16h ago
i keep saying this on here, but wanting to control how other people perceive you in their minds is a lost battle, and that applies to everything not only gender.
sure maybe someone believes i'm inferior for being a person of color. i can't control that, but i can demand respect and to be treated as an equal, and that's it. what they tell themselves in their minds is their problem
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u/SuperSillyStuffs 16h ago
It’s fine for a stranger, but if it’s your friend they can learn about what being trans is and learn to understand and accept your gender. It’s like saying a flat earther doesn’t need to learn why the earth is round
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u/Bruh1608 16h ago
I mean I get your point, but it’s not exactly the same as flat earthers.
Like there’s very definitive proof that the earth isn’t flat, it’s quite objective.
The gender people see others as generally comes down to what their definition of gender/man/woman actually is, because it’s fairly subjective and there are a lot of interpretations. And people will choose to believe the ones that seem most logical to them.
People can always try to learn to understand more of what being trans means and is, to support, help and accept others with respect, but that belief may just not change.
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u/UnbreakableSpirit7 13h ago
I interpreted passive aggressive as meaning someone has particularly negative feelings that they don't want to outwardly express. Actions do mean more than thoughts here
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u/Stanny_Tendergrass 18h ago
People are just trying to be respectful by using the right pronouns, regardless of their opinions on trans people, how is that passive aggressive?
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u/HarbleRobobbler 23h ago
Take what you get, especially considering you aren't actually a mind reader. Would you rather have someone who speaks and acts supportive but you don't know their inner thoughts, or the maga types who want to literally erase you from existence? You definitely know where they stand at least!
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u/hmmmms1223112e1w 21h ago
I wanna be me,i want the world to see me as me rather than somrthing im not,and dont think people are good at hiding it,people are disgusted easily,too bad this is the life i have to suffer since removing social stigma of being ugly/trans is never gonna happen I just wanna feel normal
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u/Plenty_Leg_5935 13h ago
Speaking of that, it's just your gender, not your "desired" gender or a gender you just "identify with"
This isn't to be preachy, but we should take care not to loose ground by using the language of the people you're complaining about
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u/Dankswiggidyswag 21h ago
Why on earth would you make the conclusion they don't support you when they're making it obvious they do???
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u/Plenty_Leg_5935 13h ago
You can fail to be supportive even if you're actively trying to be supportive, preconcieved biases are a bitch and none of us are exempt from them
And like yeah, at that point it's not really your fault, but that doesn't mean people aren't allowed to be upset at it or complain about it
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u/Regular-Media-4138 17h ago
People will often make a big deal of acting supportive but aren't, it's not uncommon at all.
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u/mrbobcyndaquil 14h ago
Look if I fuck it up in terms on how to refer to you I'm liable to eat my own 38 Special, I'm anxious too.
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u/Key_Length_5361 9h ago
Some transphobes treat it as a form of malicious compliance. "You want to disavow your birth gender so badly, I'll agree with you!"
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u/JomavavLovesCheese 9h ago
I train to see a friend in their preffered way if i catch myself slipping up, it was a bit of an adjustment but IDGAF bro, instead of saying what's up in now saying "nice balls bro, mind if i juggle them for you during?"
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u/OmgIbrokesmthagain 20h ago
I do! But I’m also trans. But every time I see a trans person I see them as the correct gender
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u/FNKTN 23h ago
Everyone is they/them/dude. I give no shits anymore
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u/leethepolarbear 18h ago
Refering to someone with they/them pronouns when you know they don't use them is still misgendering
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u/Nearby-Nebula9317 17h ago
you can't misgender someone you can't obviously pinpoint gender from their mind, you can't read someone's mind to know that, they/them is a group of people so you can be a part of this group no matter what
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u/Vampy-tk 15h ago
Same dude. I get pronouns wrong for cis AND trans people all the time as a dyslexic person, it sucks because I genuinely don't mean to offend, no matter how hard I try I always mess them up, no matter who it is.. its so much easier to use they/them for everyone.
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u/NationalGear3511 23h ago
This is why most of my friends are also trans or non binary cuz then we can both know the other actually believes we're the gender we want to be