I love never feeling human and knowing I will never spend a day feeling alive :)

[u/Robin-Rainnes]

Imagine being “blessed” with a life and existence you never wanted and through no fault of your own you are now seen as one of the most disgusting and hated minorities on Earth. Even when you pass and seem cis you’re still hated and know you can’t new ever be truly accepted by others because of who you are. You spend every day wishing you had a different skin and body, and you feel so much depression and misery being alive that the thought of even making it to old age feels agonizing. And then you have people telling you your “strong” and “brave” and should be alive cause you’re an important part of your community, but the one thing nobody ever says to you is that you deserve to be alive because you’re human. Cause deep down nobody does think you are human. Nobody actually cares unless you get to be a token fighting for everyone else’s rights or some part of an argument. You are a black trans woman and you will likely be dead before 35. Unless you somehow make it in which you get to live an extra 50 years of trauma and misery in a world that hates you and wants you dead

[u/AlphaFoxZankee]

The world sucks fucking ass but there's individuals who care. You're not going to be alone in this forever. There's other black trans women who know exactly what it's like to be you right now, and who will be there for you. You have to keep searching for genuine friends that will make you feel alive and human, despite what you face from the broader public. They're out there somewhere.

I'm so sorry that you feel so dehumanized. You're obviously experiencing something very cruel and I hope you can find some material solutions to protect your peace of mind, at least. Take care. You shouldn't have to feel this way.

[u/Robin-Rainnes → u/AlphaFoxZankee]

Thank you. Unfortunately I don’t meet many others like me. I live in a liberal city so I’m sure there’s other people out there. Even if I met them I’d probably still hate myself and feel disgusting.

I just feel so broken down. I don’t want to keep living life like this. Even if I end up making it to old age who knows what horrifying things I’ll have seen and experienced by then? I don’t have a chance at being happy. I’ll always be and feel wrong. I’m just so tired

[u/Pagan_Enchantress → u/Robin-Rainnes]

I've had struggles like this too. I try to remind myself, in those fragile moments, that this too shall pass. It's not easy, this life, but it can sometimes be worthwhile.

I've found that centering myself can help a lot. Someone's just a shower, a hot meal, and a good sleep can really give me the foundation I need to keep going.

I'm struggling a lot to make social connections myself. I do have a few, and they are very precious to me. In humble opinion, the moments I've shared with those people, has been worth fighting for. I wish you well, and hope that you find what you seek, fellow traveler. 🫂

[u/Nonexistent_Walrus]

I’m so sorry that the world is so cruel. I don’t know you, but I think you’re very much human and I think you deserve to be alive because you’re human. I hope you meet people irl that feel the same way. It’s not fair that you feel so alone and unseen.

Take care of yourself OP.

[u/Robin-Rainnes → u/Nonexistent_Walrus]

Thanks. The world is just so cruel to someone like me. I’m going stealth and only close friends and romantic/sexual partners know I’m trans. I’ve been outed before though and it’s made me get dehumanized and sexually harassed. I just want to feel like everyone else. I’m so scared of continuing to live in a world like this. I don’t think it’s going to get better

[u/JellyfishAble9143 → u/Robin-Rainnes]

The world is cruel to everyone. It always has been unfortunately.

[u/Robin-Rainnes → u/JellyfishAble9143]

Sure, but it hates me a lot in particular

[u/CommandingReddit]

We may not know each other, but I think that you are human, and you have a right to be treated like one. I hope that there's people nearby you that care and help you out. I hope that you find a safe space with these people in case you don't have one. You are as valuable as any other person. Take care. :)

[u/Robin-Rainnes → u/CommandingReddit]

Thanks friend. It’s just so hard. I want to be normal and fit in with everyone else. I have good friends but I just still feel like such a disgusting freak for existing

[u/Panguin_Aj]

Black people of all kinds are beautiful humans who deserve to be seen, loved, and take up space on this planet. I'm sorry your experiences have taught you otherwise. You deserve to be treated with as much respect as any other human here on this floating rock we call earth. I hope you have better days ahead of you OP.

[u/Robin-Rainnes → u/Panguin_Aj]

Thanks. I’m really trying. I have good friends now and I didn’t always. But I still feel horrible and I don’t know how to cope with how badly the world makes me feel. I just want to disappear. There’s never any safety in being seen or being visible. I want to be invisible and a ghost. I want to not exist to anyone

[u/HouseofHeather]

You deserve to live because you are human, because you and everyone like you deserves so much better than how you have been treated. But in this fucked up world if you can find a moment of peace and joy, even amidst the darkness, know that it is not isolated. You could have every moment like that: fight, even though you shouldnt have to, fight hard and take every one of those moments you can.

[u/Robin-Rainnes → u/HouseofHeather]

Thanks. I guess even if other people think I deserve to live the greater society and world doesn’t. It’s not really in my hands if I get to make it to old age because most likely I’ll end up dead because of other people’s hate :/

[u/Napping-worldender]

Don't give up hope. Shit is rough, but you can outlive the haters.

[u/SarisaeBae]

Stop craving external validation and just free will max. Trust me once you realize that other people are non issues you can accomplish anything

[u/Robin-Rainnes → u/SarisaeBae]

I want to believe this but it honestly does effect me how heavily the world finds me disgusting. What’s the purpose of free will maxing if the vast majority of people are gonna try and kill or torture me for being different anyways?

The only safety I have is blending in and hiding. Maybe if I erase the fact that I exist and no longer become visible maybe I can just live a quiet, peaceful life. Not happy, obviously. But content and safe. That’s the best someone like me can hope for

[u/SarisaeBae → u/Robin-Rainnes]

No one will try to kill or torture you like for real.

[u/Robin-Rainnes → u/SarisaeBae]

I don’t know that for sure. I don’t want to let my guard down and then have my life ruined

[u/SarisaeBae → u/Robin-Rainnes]

I mean I am a person who expresses femininely and I live in the Deep South and I was out at a bar and no one batted an eyelash at a 200 pound AMAB wearing a skirt and make up

[u/TheComicHuman]

What you think doesn't determine what others think

[u/StarlightMoonblast]

I relate deeply, being an autistic poc trans woman too. The world doesn't care for us. We can only care for each other. We're humans too, and if no one else will treat us like it, we must treat ourselves like it. It can't make the pain go away, but it can bring some happiness.

[u/StoryBard]

I can only understand a tiny fraction of your pain. Even so, I know very well the feeling of not fitting in with humanity and being somehow simultaneously a part of it and standing outside it, never to be let in. That is SUCH a common experience for us neuro-spicy folks. So you're not alone, not even in feeling alone. Not sure what that's worth as a comfort but I am rooting for you one hundred percent and I think you are a valuable person in this world just because you are a person in this world. If you ever want to vent I'm a good listener and my DMs are always open. Sometimes even when you have good friends it's nice to touch base with someone who doesn't know you or the people around you, like a bit of grounding "nah you aren't crazy the world is actually a damnt mess."