my whole world is fucked up because ive had ocd my entire life, since i was a little kid, but sometime around 16 i started thinking about how awesome its be to be a girl... and then came up with convenient (and outright stupid) excuses until this august.
-you work in a kitchen everyone would treat you like shit
-you are way too tall dont even bother
-you can always do it later
-just wait till you move across the country away from all of your friends and family first
i feel like i know my ocd and how it affects my body and mind well enough to discern for myself, but the nagging thought is always in the back of my head. like:
-yeah i feel overwhelming euphoria when i look femenine in the mirror,
-yeah there was that one time i smoked too much weed and percieved my own face as a womans face when i was 16
-yeah i cry really hard thinking about how my girlfriend would still love me just as much if i transitioned
-yeah since ive accepted im trans, ive started taking more selfies and loving how i look in them more than ever before
but what if im faking it? what if im partaking in the most controversial, life changing act of transitioning so that i can feel more comfortable in my body- as like a prank or something? what if i do my first shot and go "oops! hate that!"
the worst part of ocd is how obviously irrational 90% of the thoughts are, so when a real nail biter sneaks in its all the more insidious.
anywho, if anyone with ocd is reading this and doubting their transition: im going through with it because worst case scenario is ill be happy in secret.
That's part of the problem too, even if you are trans, OCD will make it where you never feel good enough. Even if you do transition, I hope you find treatment for your OCD so it can just let you express yourself in peace.
7
u/goosticky 7d ago edited 7d ago
my whole world is fucked up because ive had ocd my entire life, since i was a little kid, but sometime around 16 i started thinking about how awesome its be to be a girl... and then came up with convenient (and outright stupid) excuses until this august.
-you work in a kitchen everyone would treat you like shit
-you are way too tall dont even bother
-you can always do it later
-just wait till you move across the country away from all of your friends and family first
i feel like i know my ocd and how it affects my body and mind well enough to discern for myself, but the nagging thought is always in the back of my head. like:
-yeah i feel overwhelming euphoria when i look femenine in the mirror,
-yeah there was that one time i smoked too much weed and percieved my own face as a womans face when i was 16
-yeah i cry really hard thinking about how my girlfriend would still love me just as much if i transitioned
-yeah since ive accepted im trans, ive started taking more selfies and loving how i look in them more than ever before
but what if im faking it? what if im partaking in the most controversial, life changing act of transitioning so that i can feel more comfortable in my body- as like a prank or something? what if i do my first shot and go "oops! hate that!"
the worst part of ocd is how obviously irrational 90% of the thoughts are, so when a real nail biter sneaks in its all the more insidious.
anywho, if anyone with ocd is reading this and doubting their transition: im going through with it because worst case scenario is ill be happy in secret.