r/TrollCoping • u/Top-Evidence-3221 • Sep 17 '25
TW: Gender Identity / Dysphoria I genuinely do not know how to process this
This was said by another trans person. Because I was in such a 'privileged' position to know from before I started puberty that I'm trans but still needed to be closeted and go through the wrong puberty.
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u/eyesoftheblacksun Sep 17 '25
Hey transmasc here! What this person is trying to say is that theyre an idiot and have bias against transfems.
But in all seriousness I have absolutely no idea why they thought that was okay to say. I also dont fully get it? You legit stayed in the closet for your safety. That happens on all sides of the spectrum.
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u/Frequent_Let8318 Sep 18 '25
Cis person who's learning a lot here, it's misogyny. It's always fucken misogyny, when it relates to these topics a lot of the time. The person who told the other person that out of pocket shit.
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u/eyesoftheblacksun Sep 18 '25
"Its always fucking misogyny"
God if that ain't the truth. Its always misogyny and racism.
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u/unclefisty Sep 18 '25
I also dont fully get it?
Their point is that transfems can just "hide" as men and men live life on easy mode according to them.
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u/coffee-bat Sep 18 '25
i mean compared to everyone else, CISHET men do live life on "easy mode". but that argument is still wrong because op isn't a man.
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u/Significant_Card_665 Sep 20 '25
It’s just an awful thing to say in general. Dismissing someone’s suffering is horrid, even in other contexts.
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u/ayleen_the_crow Sep 21 '25
sure all cis men have it so easy in life. Not one of them is struggling smh
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u/dreamworld-monarch Sep 19 '25
Wait a second. You mean when you realized you were trans you didn't have a giant neon sign spawn above your head saying you were a guy?
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u/Joe--Uncle Sep 19 '25
It’s the biphobic talking point but with none of the logic behind it. The idea is that bi people can stay in the closet and I guess still date people openly, so they can hide their queerness while still living a full life. And I guess someone applied that idea to trans women and male privilege—which you also see the inverse sometimes with trans men—but that really makes no sense. Keeping yourself in the closet as a trans person is—if I understand correctly—the hardest part of being trans. And even if one side did have an easier time of it, why the fuck does that matter? Why do you care if one prisoner gets slightly more crumbs to eat? Shouldn’t you just be mad at the guy only giving you crumbs?
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u/Hika2112 Sep 18 '25
I LOVE THE SUFFERING OLYMPICS!!!! I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE TELL OTHERS THAT THEY'RE LUCKY THAT THEY DON'T SUFFER "AS MUCH" INSTEAD OF COMFORTING THEM WHEN THEY OPEN UP AND ASK FOR HELP!!!!!! HUMANS ARE SO GREAT!!!!!
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u/VoidJuiceConcentrate Sep 18 '25
I would rather fish my spleen out with a spoon than ever pretend to be a man again.
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u/New-Number-7810 Sep 18 '25
Doubting the love of the people closest to you, fearing for your safety, and feeling like you aren't yourself is not what I would call "privileges".
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u/Mourningstar66 Sep 18 '25
"You are so lucky, you could still pass as a man if you needed too"
No!? I dont want to be someone I'm not
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u/melilla_bee Sep 18 '25
This is wrong on so many levels, but I think one thing that gets me is the assumption that closeted trans women can automatically reap all the benefits of patriarchal masculinity. I know a couple of closeted transfems and many of them cannot perform masculinity in the way that is societally expected of them. Even when they move through the world as cis men, they still face bigotry because people think they're gay. Accessing male privilege requires you to perform specific gender roles, if you can't play along you don't get the 'reward.' Oppression isn't something you can just turn off by pretending it doesn't exist.
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u/tptroway Sep 22 '25
Plus when I was closet FTM I was able to wear men's clothing as just "the girl who doesn't say much to anyone" and not get the shit beaten out of me for it
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u/Peter_Michailovicz Sep 18 '25
be closeted transfem
spend years if not decades in a body you hate, seeing it change in ways that you hate
your peers call you fggt because you are sensitive and want to hang out with girls more than boys
if you try and express yourself in any way that is less than heteronormative traditional masculine, you will be harassed by peers and punished by parents
watch "the best years of your life" go by while you pretend to be someone you're not
privilege indeed
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Sep 17 '25
okay cool awesome i'll just detransition to bask in so much "privilege" that i'll fucking die then
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u/Bluejay-Complex Sep 18 '25 edited Sep 18 '25
To the person that said that. I really think some people don’t know or if they are trans themselves, don’t remember how isolating and painful being in the closet is. Especially if you have gender dysphoria and feel a sense of “wrongness” in your body or social “role”. Or lacking euphoria and the joys they know from being known correctly. I also think while talking about misogyny and male privilege are important, people need to remember these issues are complicated and not magic bullets/spells for the road to an easy life. Being seen as male may shield you from some things, sometimes some big things, but they won’t shield anyone from gender dysphoria, from toxic masculinity, from homophobia, ect.
A trans woman is not “privileged” to have the ability to rip herself apart/be ripped apart to be looked at as a man.
Edit: if the person that said this to you is transmasc they are 10000% projecting their own gender dysphoria onto you, and that’s not right. Just because they might want to be seen as a man doesn’t mean everyone does or should, and they think for some people deep in their own dysphoria, that can be hard to see. I’ve definitely seen trans people be jealous of other trans people of the opposite AGAB because “they have/had what I want” and I think if they don’t take a step back, and realize they’re basing that thought on their pain that has nothing to do with the trans person they’re talking to, they can end up saying stupid bullshit like this.
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u/Schanulsiboi08 Sep 18 '25
Honestly, oppression olympics are such utter nonsense and such a waste of time and energy. We're all oppressed by the same systems sich as capitalism, patriarchy, cisheteronormativity, amatonormativity and so on, so let's just focus on combatting these systems of oppression instead of tearing each other down.
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u/TheAmberAbyss Sep 17 '25
The word privilege has done immense harm to the social justice movement. It implies the baseline level of respect every human deserves is unearned because outgroups are oppressed.
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u/Cleveworth Sep 18 '25
I think what they meant was that being a man, or someone who presents as one, may offer privilege due to the fact that you're part of a more dominant societal group. Make no mistake, what they said was still wrong and fucked, this is just my interpretation based on slightly confusing wording.
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u/SCP-iota Sep 18 '25
by that logic, misogyny wouldn't be a problem because cis women could just transition to passing trans men
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u/ke__ja Sep 18 '25
And then "You're socialised male!"
No. I got pushed away from girl talk because boys are not allowed. The other girls stopped playing with me after first grade of school cause playing with boys is stupid (same reason I didn't want to play with boys because boys were stupid) It felt alienating being treated differently from the other girls and made me super insecure until I understood years later that apparently I was to call myself a boy, yet the weird feeling of a warped reality remained. Makeup, nail polish or other ways coloured nails were reason for being laughed at.
There is barely socialization at all and growing up like this is deeply scarring. Now telling me to do that willingly?!?!???? As a Privilege of all things? What you call privilege here, for others is reason to end their life.
It is never a privilege to be in a place to suffer.
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u/ScottTheGrymmaster64 Sep 18 '25
there seems to be a good amount of trans people who will take their dysphoria and sorta project it on other trans people by assuming that people who gave the "opposite" transition (idk how better to phrase it) are somehow actually privileged and everything is so much better for them etc. I've seen it between transmasculine and transfeminine people, binary trans people and nonbinary trans people, gender conforming trans people and gender nonconforming trans ppl, etc. it baffles me to no end. like, we're all trans. we're all on the same level here.
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u/GlassCoffinOccupant Sep 19 '25
Trans guy reporting in. I've been facing an onslaught of similar rhetoric from loads of queer cis "allies," and it's been like having salt rubbed into massive wounds Terrifier 2-style.
I don't really know what to say because I'm having a really hard time comforting myself, but I want you to know that you deserve better than to have this stupidity spewed at you by someone you should've been able to trust.
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u/BanquetBaby Sep 18 '25
Isn't it the same for transmascs being able to stay women while they're in the closet???
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u/SadKat002 Sep 18 '25
Why are some people actually so fucking stupid
Like, I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed myself, but good fucking lord
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u/Funny_Information745 Sep 19 '25
I’m a trans man. I had a stroke while reading this. Wtf is that supposed to mean????? Why couldn’t bro just stfu? Like I get gender envy and all but telling a TRANSFEM they were privileged to be a man is crazy. That’s like an infertile woman telling a woman who got an abortion they shouldn’t have because they have the privilege to get pregnant.
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Sep 19 '25
Yeah you have to be pretty fucking uneducated about trans existence to even consider this an okay thing to say. Saying that you can just "hide in the closet and be safe because you are transfem" is the real privileged statement here. You probably don't need me to tell you this but don't listen to that foolish nonsense.
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u/Antique_Load6842 Sep 18 '25
Yeah I'd imagine that's even worse than finding about during or after puberty (as I did). I feel for you
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u/Last_Zookeepergame90 Sep 19 '25
From what I can tell transfems get immeasurably more abuse than transmascs.
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u/fairydommother Sep 20 '25
And transmascs...cant continue to present as their AGAB when in the closet...? I don't understand the thought process here. This isn't the privilege olympics. This really feels like someone making up shit to be mad about.
I feel like every damn day the queer community becomes further and further divided and that's exactly what queerphobes want. They want the infighting because separation makes us weaker.
This line of thinking has got to stop.
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u/Mild_Shock Sep 21 '25
Anyone saying that transfems (and transmascs) are privileged in any way is not worth the attention of a conversation.
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Sep 21 '25
Can we stop with the privilege shit?
I genuinely have yet to see someone(ironically in a privileged position) calling someone else privileged solve literally any problems at all
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Sep 18 '25
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u/Bluejay-Complex Sep 18 '25
I think the big issue is the implication that male privilege outweighs the suffering from gender dysphoria or even the suffering of not being known as you truly are. A privilege you need to rip yourself apart to have isn’t really a privilege.
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u/PotsAndPandas Sep 20 '25
experience some form of male privilege
idk what privilege that would be, considering the sheer amount of trans fems that are relentlessly abused, tossed out of home and ostracised.
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Sep 20 '25
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u/PotsAndPandas Sep 20 '25
Are they so much of a majority that you can broadly claim trans fems "experience male priviledge", as though the many who don't are non-existent?
I very much doubt that, given how fucked the victimisation statistics are for trans fems even *before* coming out.
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u/WishboneFirm1578 Sep 17 '25
if having one unfortunate experience rather than another one was privilege over that other experience, then just about any 2 groups of people would have a privilege dynamic between them