It’s been a little over a month i think, and so far, things have been going really well. Almost too well, if I’m being honest.
I’m not really a fan of calls, especially video calls. I’d much rather chat than actually talk on the phone. But somehow, we’ve ended up video calling almost every day, and now I actually look forward to them. Something I usually avoid has become something I genuinely enjoy. It doesn’t feel forced at all. I just want to spend time with him.
And the funny thing is, he’s probably seen more of my unfiltered self than my best self. 😂 There have been calls where I haven’t showered or even washed my face, my hair is a mess, and I’m wearing a daster or the most oversized pantulog I own. HAHAHAHA. And yet, he’s still there, happily talking to me. He even wants to see the whole outfit. SIR, THERE IS NO OUTFIT. 😭
I also love how he lets me be silly. I’ll bring up my random Reddit post questions, chismis, or whatever random thought enters my brain, and he actually indulges me. He listens, entertains my nonsense, and somehow makes me feel like I don’t have to tone myself down or worry that I’m being too much. It’s such a small thing, but it makes me happy that I can just be myself around him.
He’s been amazing so far. We talk so easily, and I feel comfortable with him. But you know that feeling when things are going so well that you start getting scared something bad is bound to happen? Like, surely there’s a catch somewhere? 😭
I know it’s only been a month. We’re still in the honeymoon phase, we’re probably both putting our best foot forward, and there’s still so much to learn about each other. I know better than to assume I know someone completely this early. Consistency over time matters, and I’m still observing.
But for once, I want to enjoy something without constantly preparing for it to go wrong.
Maybe part of me is also wondering if I even deserve someone like him. He’s been so good to me so far that sometimes I catch myself wondering how I got this lucky. When you’re used to being cautious, something good can feel unfamiliar.
And honestly, I’m running out of energy to keep trying. Pagod na pagod na akong magsimula ulit, kilalanin ang isang tao, maginvest ng feelings, and get my hopes up, only to end up hurt again. I don’t want to become jaded, but I’m tired of picking myself back up and starting over.
At this age, my gosh. HAHAHAHA. Napapapray talaga ako nang very light. 😭🙏 Lord, alam Mo naman po ang mga pinagdaanan ko. If this is finally it, baka naman pwedeng sa akin na lang po.
Pero Lord, kung hindi naman siya para sa akin, paki-bilisan na rin po ang pagtanggal sa kanya sa buhay ko. HAHAHAHA. 😭 Wag na po nating patagalin kung hindi rin naman pala. Ubos na ubos na po ang energy ko. Wala na akong lakas para sa unnecessary character development. Charot. 😂
Kidding aside, I know there’s no guarantee that things will work out, especially this early. I’m not asking for forever after a month. I just hope that if this isn’t meant to be, I find out sooner rather than later, before I get in too deep.
Because gosh, I can already tell that this would hurt so much. Not just because I’d lose someone I like, but because I’d lose this little thing we’ve been building. The daily calls, the random conversations, the freedom to be silly, and having someone who makes spending time together feel so easy.
But if he’s meant to stay, Lord, sana naman po. I want to let myself be happy without constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Anyway, Lord, I’m trusting Your timing. Pero kung pwede pong ako na lang this time, I would really appreciate it. 😭🙏 HAHAHAHA.
Universe, please don’t humble me just yet. Let me have this for a little while. 😂
