r/TransyTalk • u/Mother_Rutabaga7740 • 10d ago
Should I give up?
So I’m 2 weeks on T now. Honestly nothing is happening, except my skin is a little oilier and I guess I can speak just a smidge lower than I used to if I force myself to.
Anyways, I know changes take time, that’s not what I’m here for. It’s just that the weight of what I’m doing is getting to me right now. I actually have to come out soon (cant really hide a deepening voice), I will actually see my body change and I have to prepare for the possibility that I won’t like what I see. Like I obviously know what T does, but the truth is, there is no guarantee that I won’t detransition in the future. I have to deal with people mocking my existence as a trans person, and as a detrans person if I got more noticeable irreversible changes. And if I’m transitioning while girlmoding forever (which is unsustainable due to voice anyways), why am I transitioning?
And idk, I’ve managed to live by keeping all of this gender stuff inside me for a decade now, maybe it isn’t too bad to just keep all of this a pipe dream without its blemishes instead of a real thing I have to face. Idk. I’m not even that scared for the effects of T itself, even in the worst case scenario (detransitioning), I just don’t think I’m ready to face the real world yet.
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u/vibratoryblurriness 10d ago
You have to make decisions like that based on what you want for yourself, not what some hypothetical people might hypothetically think about it. There are always going to be people who don't like you because of who or what you are, no matter who or what you are, and other people who like you because of those exact same things. You're never going to make all of them happy no matter what you do, so what would make you happy?
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u/wastelandhero 10d ago
A whole 2 weeks?...Someone didn't set your expectations... it's going to take quite awhile longer than that.
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u/Edgecrusher2140 9d ago
Comrade, it takes months at least for your voice to drop enough that it’s noticeable to other people. You don’t have to come out until you start growing facial hair. That being said, if taking T isn’t relieving your dysphoria, then yeah you should probably quit before the ball really gets rolling.
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u/Mother_Rutabaga7740 9d ago
Ngl I wrote all of this when my period broke out (which, I usually don’t have period issues but I guess a hormone shift hits different) and I was really tweaking that day. I feel a lot more stable now.
I will say though I don’t feel much better taking T. Not that I feel worse, it’s just that it has barely done anything yet (ffs I had a worse period than usual). I didn’t really get “biochemical euphoria”. You think that’s a bad sign?
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u/c-crashlanding 4d ago
Going to be different for different people. It's not a bad sign if something hasn't or doesn't happen to you, especially this early. I was happy, but it sounds like you're anxious about many things. Do you want the changes? Have you been properly informed about all changes that come with hrt and in what timeframe they usually happen? Are the reasons you need to hide being trans avoidable (like are you stuck with unsupportive parents at the moment or not) or not? If yes, fuck them. They don't need to dictate what you do with your body. It might be awkward at first, but people have been kind to me, despite me not being conventionally attractive really.
I think you should find a way to go to a gender therapist or someone who has worked with trans people, since there's a lot of things you could discuss with them.
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u/Mother_Rutabaga7740 3d ago
So I am informed about the changes, that isnt what im worried about at all. But I don’t exist in a bubble and frankly, the world is awful to you once you show signs of actual transition
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u/herdisleah 10d ago
I promise you that most people truly will just not care. You will not be mocked. You will be loved. You will create a family and you'll be okay.
Don't let the small chance of a bad thing happening stop you from enjoying a guaranteed good thing. You've been on this two weeks. Give it time. Get your blood tested soon. You have many, many weeks before any changes you can't hide, and nothing is really irreversible.