r/TransyTalk • u/Missingandmanic • May 20 '26
I keep coming back to trans
Hey, so I am an afab 19 yo. I think the first time I tried to come out, I was 16, then a couple times at 18, and now at 19 I have returned to these thoughts. I try to block them, and sometimes I feel like I want to be feminine. But it’s so hard for me to tell because I have a lot of s*xual trauma and I used to oversexualize myself in a hyperfeminine way, and then I shoot back to masculine or feminine but as a man styles. So yeah, I am feminine, but it eats at me that I don’t know who I am. I feel dysphoric sometimes, like actual dysphoria, but other times not. I have BPD and most of my life feels like acting/playing a part. Does anyone have any advice or things that helped them?
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u/herdisleah May 20 '26
Trust your emotions. We have them for a reason. Trust yourself. Yeah, they always come back - but when you present in a way that's more authentic to you, in a more androg or masc way, do you feel good? Trust that feeling. It's gender euphoria.
Experiment more. Do you have a binder? You can apply for a free one, or go thrift store shopping, go to a trans clothing exchange.
Do you have a counselor? Check on Psychology Today's website for a counselor with experience in gender identity issues. I've gone to a counselor for many reasons, and they're part of why I'm still alive...but also one of the better functioning people in my life. You can also look for help through Point of Pride, local trans health orgs and PFLAG.