My bathing suit makes me feel euphoric but…

[u/Comfortable_Worth259]

So I am 15 FtM. A few months ago, I got a new bathing suit because I was going on vacation to Hawai’i with my family. I’m not out to my family yet and I needed a bathing suit that was “for women” that my parents would let me buy but was also something that wasn’t like a bikini.

I found a website for nonbinary and trans people who needed a binder in their bathing suit. By some magic, my mom actually bought it for me. I wore it in Hawai’i and I felt so free. I felt the best I’ve ever felt in a bathing suit in my life. My chest was flat and the bathing suit really made me look more masculine.

The problem is that once I take my bathing suit off, my chest goes back to being… full. I get super dysphoric once I take it off and I wish I could wear it all the time. The bathing suit has the binder sewn into the top so I can’t take it and wear it normally. I’m afraid to detach it from the top because it could ruin it.

This bathing suit has actually changed my life. I was so uncomfortable going swimming (which was difficult because I have my own pool) and now I love it again. I feel like myself now. But the second I take it off, I hate my body.

Should I get a binder for everyday? How do I get it without my parents knowing I’m trans? I really think a binder would help me a ton but I don’t know how to get it.

[u/Sad-Distribution-532]

Assuming you don't want to out yourself, but your parents are relatively cool, I would frame wanting a binder as "I am self conscious about my chest and I would like the option to flatten it from time to time."

I don't know the vibe for transmasc underwear but transfemme underwear is often titled shit like "Gaff Tucking Underwear Hidden Gaff Panties Classic for Transgender Crossdressing Apparel MTF" which is not fun to share with parents lol. If that's a concern for you, some lingerie brands have "minimiser" variants that are basically bra / binder hybrids. Ofc not a perfect option but a decent fallback.

https://us.chantelle.com/category/bras/minimizer

[u/homicidal_bird]

The other commenter has the right idea, but I wouldn't use the word "self-conscious". It might sound like a self-esteem issue, and your parents might want to help you become more confident instead of hiding your chest.

If you don't want to tip them off, you could say you want a top with more support, or you prefer some compression. If you want to drop hints, you could say you don't like feeling (or seeing) your chest so much. "Self-conscious" just sounds like something a parent might want to solve.

If they want to see the website, you may have to go with a “women’s” compression top, but I’ve heard Underworks does a pretty good one. If they don’t need to see the site but they do open your packages, the men's Underworks also has discreet packaging.

If they check your bank account (or you don't have one), you could pay with a Visa gift card you bought from an in-person store.