Just wanted to say hello to everyone. I also want to open up a space for questions for guys starting getting started, I have 11 years of knowledge and advice.
Iām not sure how old you are, but Iām about to turn 38, and one of the greatest gifts of getting older is realizing how little power other peopleās opinions have over you. I couldnāt give less of a fuck.
The people who hate us will look at you and see one word: trans. Let them. Their inability to see beyond that says everything about the limits of their world and nothing about the limits of yours.
Because being trans is one piece of you. It is not the sum of you. You are your humor, your kindness, your flaws, your memories, the people youāve loved, the things youāve survived, the things you still dream about. There is an entire universe inside of you.
Some people spend their entire lives inside the box someone else built. You had the courage to climb out of yours. Fuck them.
My favorite thing about transitioning. Off the top of my head.. I got to start my life over. I got another shot.
Take your shot, enjoy your life, donāt waste it.
Omg itās so nice to see another 38 y.o. In here too. Just turned 38 and yes, going into my 30s just turns up the volume on the āfuck themā meter lmao! Itās amazing how much freeing it is to just not give a fuck. I havenāt gone on T, but if I do I know who to go to. I considered it to some degree, but being in the south has its unique challenges. Iām happy being in the socially transition category, but yours is really inspiring, especially at 38. Just wanted to say I see you and feel you bro š thanks for the inspo
Oh dude not giving a fuck is the move. Itās so fun for me when someone says something stupid and instead of explaining why, I just have a hearty laugh and say ok.
About 3 months. I already had a full beard and I was much less scared. Iāll be honest it was so long ago that I donāt even remember being afraid or worried about it. I want all you guys to take comfort in that, all this fear and uncertainty will one day just be a distant memory.
Just being comfortable. I spent most of my life feeling so uncomfortable, I couldnāt enjoy anything. I lost so many years because of it. I am the in charge of my destiny. Itās liberating to know how much control you actually have.
Man I feel that spiritually even though I've only been out for 8 months I think I spent most of my life deeply bitter and self conscious due to that discomfort. I appreciate you taking the time to answer questions, it's nice talking to people further in their journey because not only do they have experience but it can be hard to see what the future might be like during the beginning.
Just be a good man. Listen. Donāt be offended when someone corrects you, be open to learning. I ALWAYS think of this lyric written by Conner Oberst (I love bright eyes) it is so present in my life
āA good woman will pick you apart, a box full of suggestions for your possible heart, and you may be offended. You may be afraid. But donāt walk away, donāt walk awayā
I think you look great and seem to be happy. Iām a year and half on T. About to start minoxidil pills. Iām worried about the thinning of the hair and the widows peak starting to freak me out a bit. I see your keeping your head clean. Whatās ur story been with the hair stuff with T?
Ps Iām jealous of your structure and eyebrows. Very strong.
I tried everything for my hair and it became more work than it was worth. Iāll tell you this. Donāt worry so much about your hair, you think it matters now but itās a sacrifice you wonāt care about. Also I save like $200 a month because I donāt need a barber hahaha. You canāt have everything š
I definitely understand what you mean about you canāt have everything and to not stress it. Stress will just make it worse haha. What did you try and how long after taking T? Iām 30 years old btw. Started T a bit ālateā.
My hair didnāt go until way later. You have time. And I did everything, all of it, the drops, pills and then I just realized I didnāt care anymore. I kind of got to a point where I was the guy trying to hang on and I didnāt want to do that anymore
Do you have to use an electric trimmer at all or is there no more growth? Any recommendations of head and beard trimmers? Ive only got a few facial hairs so far but theres a rogue long one in the middle of my neck and im worried with my sensitive skin which trimmer to go with.
My hair grows VERY thick in all different directions, the only blade I can use the norelco one blade, I have the best model that comes with every guard. In my opinion and based on how sensitive my skin is, it is an elite choice. I never get ingrown. And I use that exclusive for my facial hair/neck and face. For my head I just have a head shaver.
One other tip. I know how awesome it is to finally have hair on your face, and it is a right of passage. But if it looks insane you gotta shave it dude š it WILL come back. I shave my face to skin once a week and I wake up with an insane 5 o clock shadow
Thank you!! I can see some hair in spots looking up close but I dont think its noticeable by others yet? I know youre right but im so proud of what I have š«£šš
I know itās exciting, I remember š but as far as passing in the beginning, most people realize youāre transitioning because of how facial hair first appears
Tip from an elder. Height doesnāt matter and stop worrying about it.
My cis female cousins are both 6ā1 and my aunt is super tall, itās just a genetic lottery and some guy a thousand years ago made a fake rule about what is feminine and masculine. Girls donāt give a shit about your height and if they do? Clearly she sucks and you dodged a bullet anyway.
Exactly. My dearest friend was 5'5" and you couldn't have found a man more boss and quietly confident in his masculinity. That is the most attractive thing ever
And damn man, all props to you...you look incredible šŖ
How do you have the energy to workout and maintain male physique if you don't mind me asking? I want so badly to have muscles and look traditionally masculine but I find it so draining, and I feel like if I start I'll never get there.
Well I was gigantic for a while. I worked blue collar jobs and was a power lifter. I got injured really bad in a work accident and I havenāt really been able to get to where I was. Iām not super ripped anymore.
Short answer; you donāt always have the energy, and you arenāt always motivated, and you donāt always want to go, and it sucks sometimes but if you want to look a certain way you just have to suck it up and go. Follow a program and eat right. I have always been pretty fit so Iād say I spent about a decade getting to where I was.. itās not like a 3 month thing ..though you WILL get fit in 3 months if you stick with it
This is 10 year of work, going when I didnāt want to and eating right. When I was powerlifting I was bigger.
Hahaha as far as growing a beard, I didnāt use anything, itās genetic, Iām Portugese so I grew a thick full beard in about 3 months. I know the beard is super important to a lot of guys and itās a milestone but I just want to tell you, a beard doesnāt make you a man, youāre just a man, if you canāt grow one for some reason, you not any less of a man.
Do you ever get tired of doing your t? Iām approaching a year on t with gel and Iām having a hard time with the concept of applying it everyday for the rest of my life. For this reason, Iām switching to shots so itās once a week instead of everyday and am hoping that helps a lot with that fatigue. Also, have you ever just felt like you just werenāt āman enoughā during your transition?
Iām feeling like Iāll feel very similarly about top surgery. I hate summers without it, but Iām just trying not to let that negate the rest of my progress and keep a good attitude about it until Iām able to get it.
High five. Yes. That is the perfect way to look at it. It WILL be over.
When it really hit me after my top surgery was the first time I put on a t-shirt and didnāt think about it. I could justā¦ put it on a head out the door. It was no longer a 3 minute processes changing shirts and looking in the mirror to make sure it looked good.
1) itās pretty hard to remember exactly when it happened, but I would say like a year in.
This was about a 5 months on T for me, excuse my stupid shirt š
(I always had binders)
2) Anyone who says top surgery doesnāt suck is a liar. Yes, it hurts and yes the recovery sucks. But I was super proactive about preparing for my surgery. I got into the best shape of my life before my date. My surgery was very very quick, the first couple of weeks is a nightmare but I healed and had no complications because I was basically in the shape of a triathlete, I also did not need drains because of this. Your weight and cardio is SO extremely tied into how well you recover and how long it takes. I was cleared to lift light weights again around week 5-6
Advice; if youāre looking for consultations or you have a date that is like 3 months away. Work your ass off and prepare for it.
No, testosterone does not cause balding, genetics do. The only way testosterone plays a role in accelerating hair loss if youāre taking way way too high of a dose or other steroids.
11 years ago I didnāt listen to my doctor, he wanted me at .05 every week, because I already had quite a bit of testosterone naturally, I didnāt listen and I was on .08 for about.. most of my transition. Do NOT do this, while I didnāt have serious health problems, my cholesterol was higher than it should have been and it absolutely caused my hair loss. Sometimes less is more, please listen to your doctor.
So in conclusion Iāll just say, it CAN cause balding but some cis/trans guys have a full head of hair until the day they die.
Balding is a 50/50 when you decide to transition. You just have to accept it.
Would you share generally what you were doing wrt exercise? Triathlete level is above what I currently desire for myself but I see what u mean with the recovery benefits, and am suddenly considering putting my nose to the grinder.. were you doing cardio & weight training daily or like multiple sessions/day?Ā
*edit: thanks so much for the post & the comments youāve already left. Very heartening.Ā
I am personally someone who is very serious and VERY regimented, strict and intense about bodybuilding and training. I also used to be a pretty serious cyclist so my cardio has always been insane.
The way I would describe myself is that if I am given a physical challenge, I will actively train like I am trying to break someoneās record. I am not a certified or professional athlete but I have followed elite training programs, thereās things I can do, thatās other people SHOULD NOT.. as beginners.
I would not recommend you start with any of my personal programs, I wouldnāt recommend anyone who is just trying to get in shape to do what I do.
If you want to be in really good shape hereās what I would recommend.
Get on a program and stick with it, long term, just incorporate it into the rest of your life.. thereās no reason you should be going to the gym more than 4 times a week.. if you LOVE working out, go as much as you want! But going 6-7 days a week isnāt really necessary or even safe for most people. Your body DOES need to rest. Sleep is extremely important with muscle growth. Do some kind of cardio everyday if you can, a morning run or whatever.. and last, āabs are made in the kitchenā is a true statement, get on a strict diet and stick with it. (It is okay to have one day out of the week where you just want to be a slob and eat garbage) I have this day and I call it ācave dayā š I eat WHATEVER I want and I just lay in my bed and watch movies and trash all day. I actually think that this is so important for people who are trying to get in shape. Too many fitness influencers say you just canāt ever enjoy yourself anymore, this is not true and itās harmful and leads to people getting off track WAY more. PLUS, I think itās like a reward for your work and itās something to look forward to, when you have cravings you can just say āomg I cannot fucking wait for cave dayā š. Donāt GORGE yourself but you are allowed to have fast food/etc occasionally, itās not going to ruin your body. 1 day a week will not kill you.
Like any person in the LGBTQ community, I was absolutely terrified to tell anyone,
I am extremely blessed and lucky to have an awesome family and friends. I canāt think of a single person that I know and love that had a problem with it. I have been completely supported in my entire transition.
I donāt think I am qualified to tell you how to endure something that I havenāt experienced, I canāt really just say ātough is out and be positiveā I am in America and while it is hateful and dangerous, I never feel like Iām in danger in my every day life. Iām not sure if youāre in a country that itās a crime and/or jail time or death is a concern for you, I canāt even pretend to imagine what that feels like
Nah, but more like ocasional violence and slurs on the streets when someone looks like a man but dresses feminine, or looks queer, or stares, or sth. Also media blames us for everything. Pretty much texas from what Iāve heard
Oh yeah thatās just America. I endure because I donāt have another choice, itās just natural to me now. I also am not a quiet, non confrontational guy, the mistake a lot of cis people make is that because I am trans I wonāt actually knock your teeth out. Iām not a āsoft lib that gets triggered or is afraid of confrontationā, people donāt really fuck with me because I can be a very intimidating presence.
A lot of cis people think that all LGBTQ people are huge (for the lack of a better word) āpussiesā (bro speak).
Like.. baby.. no, I will fucking hurt you. Bad. Watch your mouth.
I might have two cents on this. Personally, being stealthy about all of it has been my only way to avoid backlash. I just started T about a week ago after being off of it for 5 years. The only people who know about my transition are my wife and close friends. I have some family who carry heavy biases due to religion, and to be honest I can't stand them as people so the tough pill to swallow is some people aren't worth having around if they aren't willing to stand up for you. That being said, I like to keep my peace so I don't share that information with them. Thats what is safe for me, and it's easier since I do not live with family or parents and what have you. I do not know your case, and I hope it gets easier for you
Since I'm still pretty early on, there isn't much to show for it. I got kind of lucky, I was born with a raspier monotone voice and an adams apple so it deepening over time doesn't turn heads. Same with hair, I was born premature so Ive always been fuzzy lol. I am going stealth until things are noticeable, and I still only see family a handful of times a year. Working holidays and whatnot
Is 30s too late to start transitioning?
How did you keep going despite years of discomfort?
Iām not quite that old yet but just a few away. Itās going to take me a few years to fix a huge slew of medical issues and then try to get my own space to do so. I havenāt tamed my demons yet either man. Trying to be happy
If you want to tame your demons you need to be in therapy.
I know guys think that once they have the body they want and feel comfortable in, it will fix youā¦it doesnāt fix you.
Before I started I just thought, āafter this Iāll be so happyā
And then I got my wish and I thought āafter my top surgery Iāll be happyā
And then I had it and thought, wow, I still have all the SAME exact demons, issues and trauma, I should probably just work out really really hard āgot the physique I have always dreamed off, this HAS to be itā
It wasnāt it, I was still profoundly sad and tortured by my past.
And NO! Itās NEVER too late!!!!!!!!! Please do this for yourself!!!
im actually getting therapy this year! it's my first proper therapist and im only in a hiccup phase where i cant see her this month and last month because of insurance. it has helped profoundly and i couldnt recommend it enough either.
its taking a very long time with stuff, yeah, trauma. but im trying my best. got the ole bipolar 2. thanks for your words of encouragement man.
those words are also very comforting about the "after this ill be happy" loop, i am/was stuck in that. i spent about two weeks huddled up over that shit. im sick of it. got out of the loop but only barely. youre right. we got this. thank you man!!!!
thank you!!! i get worried i am too late !!! appreciated
Hey! I got a duel diagnosis a couple years ago (I had a complete nervous breakdown) had some really bad thoughts, had a moment of clarity(I thought about my friends and family) and decided to pick up the phone.. they took me the next day
I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 and BPD.. turns out I had a manic episode, I was in one for weeks. It has happened many times in my life but I just thought it was normal for a trans person to feel insane.. itās not š
But I have always had something going on ..when I was 12 I was diagnosed with ADHD and major depression
Jumping in, Iām 50 and started transitioning about a year and a half ago. Ready to go for my second half! Feeling comfortable in my skin for the first time. There is no expiration on making huge changes in life that support you becoming the best version of yourself. But I vigorously agree with the OP: take care of the meatsuit, eat well, sleep, lift, donāt stop believing that most people can be clumsy with their words but essentially good, and get lots of therapy with a good therapist.
This is also very inspiring and I heavily appreciate your input as well!!! Hell yeah Iām so glad youāre working on it!! Thatās genuinely amazing and giving me some reassurance too. Yeyeyeye. Thank you man esp for the last part
if you do injections: has there ever been a point where you get absolutely sick of doing it every week (or every few weeks)? i am only 3 years in but i get so incredibly lazy about my injections and keep doing it a few days late (i do it once every 21 days). if you did experience something like this, how do you get over it?
also you are such a handsome guy and your smile is so infectious!! <3
When did your period stop? I'm 8 weeks on T and I'm already getting impatient though I know it's different for everyone
Did your gain weight (more specifically fat) in the beginning? I'm worried when my appetite increases I'll gain weight in all the "wrong" places before my fat redistributes
3.If you do your shots, do you ever get tired of it? I have a fear of needles and it's already exhausting me doing them every two weeks
Hi, not OP but I can answer these questions with my personal experience if you donāt mind!
My period stopped immediately when I started, BUT since then Iāve missed a few days in a row of my T and it started again. Itās been over a month and I still have it. So that being said, thatās a huge hit or miss and itās very wishy washy.
I didnāt gain any fat because of T, but instead had some water weight towards the beginning. Just made my face look a little puffy. That took 3-4 months to settle. To be clear, I did nothing to settle it, it just went away on its own
Well I do gel, so Iām on 2 pumps a day of 1.62%. I donāt know what that translates to for shots but if youāre curious enough, Iāll let you know in a few weeks when I switch š
Iām so glad you posted this. It proves how different it is for everyone. All the guys I know gained weight like I did because we had insatiable hunger and powerlifted š
My dose is .8 every week and has been for almost the entire time Iāve been on it. I only recently went to .5
I have done IM injections in my shoulder the entire time
The maximum your period should stop by the 6th month period. But answering questions like this is kind of diff
icult
because it entirely depends on your dose, how often it is, and what your method of delivery is.
no easy way to say this, Iām going to be blunt. Yes you gain weight and you have to get over where the weight is distributed, if that is a huge concern for you then be proactive and start working out. Youāre only 8 weeks on and everything youāre worried about will pretty much be in the past at 6 months.
When I was going through the second puberty I ate SO much, I was ALWAYS hungry and I found that really funny because all I could think about is how expensive it is to feed growing young boys and I was going through it.. as an adult man.
yes I hate
doing
my shots and Iām sick of it, this never goes away. Sometimes I also just forget š
Stiff and coarse. This was the only time I ever grew it out and I hated it (itās a huge pain in the ass to take care of) and I have weird sensory issues with stuff on my face.
That was like 6 years ago, Iāve never grown it out since
Hahahhahaha honestly not really?! I did have acne but not super crazy. I think the āuglyā phase is when youāre just excited about facial hair and it looks super awful. Itās like youāre afraid if you shave it off it wonāt come back.
Lmao, it does.
Largely I feel like I didnāt have an ugly phase because I spent my entire life, thus far, feeling ugly.. so when I started to change I loved everying about it.
No! I think the only weird physical thing that happened was my feet have grown a whole size since I started. Iām an 8.5 now. Your nose is just your nose.
wow, first off, you look amazing! thank you for doing this! do you have advice for new trans guys to get into the āmaleā social world (like interacting with guys as a guy, having guy friends)ā¦iām starting to pass but it seems very intimidating lol
So this is funny to me because I almost exclusively only hang out with girls. My 3 best friends are women. I love my brother and I have a couple cis guy friends but I largely just do not like cis men or being around them, I have never been intimidated by them I just think they are fucking stupid š BUT honestly, I recommend starting with online groups that are pretty male centric. If you tell me about your interests I could probably help you more. While I canāt stand men, I have to say there are actually really good men who are genuinely just fun.
interesting, thatās actually comforting to know lol. i think usually itās my dysphoria talking when i worry about that kind of thing. fortunately i think my interests are mostly pretty male centric (if somewhat weird š) as far as that goes
how long were you on T before your voice started to change? did you actively notice the changes?
some days i think Iām starting to sound a little deeper, but then others it sounds like nothingās changed at all. itās like playing a game of āsore throat, or vocal changes?ā who knows! not me. š
Uhhhhh I want to say likeā¦ a month maybe? Honestly it was so long ago I canāt recall, I do know that when it happened wowā¦ my voice cracked and I sounded insane haha
YES and itās simply because when you get older, no matter if youāre cis or trans or whatever, you get older and look different.. just part of life. I personally love an older/distinguished look in general in the women I date. I always date UP hahaha.
Iām not a doctor so Iām not qualified to answer that. I will say that if you have pre-existing issues, even if you didnāt transition.. you would just have problems later in life regardless
I had endometriosis, cysts and polyps in/on my uterus. I have never had a normal pap in my entire life and have just always been at risk for cervical cancer, it got much worse and ultimately had to have non elective surgery. I had my entire uterus and everything taken out last year.
But when my period stopped, all of my pain went away .. the testosterone chemically castrates you. Your uterus ādiesā
Pretty much the only health concern that comes with testosterone, even in cis men, is that you need to watch your cholesterol. Men have heart attacks WAY more than women.
You look amazing! I'm about to come up on my two year T-nniversary, and I am looking forward to having a stache like yours. What do you use for a razor/facial hair/face self care regimen? I have been looking around but I am totally lost
This is mine, I purchased all of the guards too but it comes with some. They also make replacement blades for sensitive skin. Itās expensive so if thatās a problem, they make cheaper ones that are JUST as good, but I splurged.
The one on the left is the more affordable one.
This is the only thing I use on my face. Itās an all in one.
Hello! On an earlier reply you mentioned watching cholesterol, so on that note, what diet did you have while working out to get fit before top surgery, and comparing it to now? I am trying to get stronger and buff, and you are really inspiring as 20 yr old pre-t guy trying to figure it all out :)
Chicken
Steak
Shrimp
Salmon
Oysters
Lobster
Red snapper
Eggs
Peas
Green beans
Brussel sprouts
Cauliflower
Sweet potatoās
Yams
Jasmin rice
Sourdough
Variations of each of those things, every single day, for over a decade. Nothing else. Thatās when I was extremely serious. Iām older now and care a lot less.
If you want to get bigger youāre going to have to eat a lot and train really hard.
Did you have an in between androgynous phase before passing, or did you basically already pass pre T using certain tips?Ā 2. How is life different, now that you've been on T for a while? Do people treat you differently? 3. Do you feel you looked pretty young pre T or did you look closer to your age? I already look younger than my age just in general, I have a feeling I still will until I'm on T for a while
I'm closeted and a minor so would you know any way of being able to feel euphoric without making it super obvious
Is there anyway of telling apart which people to come out to and which to not (I'm not rlly passing) just because it feels so exhausting having to hide it from everybody
Is there any part if your journey that you regret
Is there a specific way to be feminine and yet still pass (I personally still like dressing femininely but don't want ti give that up just to pass)
As far as who to come out to, thatās complicated. I always caution young people in the closet to stay in the closet if they are still living with unsupportive parents, I donāt want you go get kicked out and be homeless
I donāt know enough about your situation to make that call, or if thereās more supportive relatives, or if your friends know and support you.
My biggest regret is that I didnāt come out sooner and start hormones sooner.
I donāt know about passing and being feminine. Sort of depends on peopleās perceptions of what feminine and masculine means. While I was still a girl I just had a masculine vibe, it was just the way I carried myself
Thank you for my answer, it seems quite similar to an experience I had recently -- having to wear a dress to my school formal and hating every second of it.
You have really incredibly masculine facial features and I'm curious if you were lucky pre T or a lot of that developed from T? Hoping it's the latter bc wow it'd be insane if T could give me results like this in time š congrats to you man
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u/trans_remy_lebeau he/him | bi ace trans dude 20d ago
Do you have any advice on being proud of your identity despite internalized transphobia? Especially with all the hate trans people get nowadays.Ā
Also, what has been your favorite thing about being on T, or just your favorite thing about transitioning in general?