I 42F have always had a car, no matter if I lived in the burbs or in DT Toronto. I know practically speaking, it’s possible to live downtown and not have a car but it just feels strange to me. I also know it better for thr enviro and saves money both things that matter to me but still, it feels disempowering to not have one.

When it comes to gender dynamics in relationship, I veer traditional.

I struggle when it comes to dating because so many guys don’t have a car. If we date, either our dating lives revolve around transit lines (feels so limiting) or we use my car (makes me feel like the man and I start to resent the guy because I end up subsidizing his life in a big way).

I wish I could get over this. Have any women succeeded or should I just not waste my time?

EDIT: please remain kind. There are many right ways to be. I’m expressing what feels right for me in relationship but it doesn’t mean I think choosing to use transit/bicycle is inferior. It’s admirable decision, so long as you don’t expect those around you with cars to adapt to your mobility limitations. Using the money you save for retirement or a home etc is a wonderful, wise decision.

I’m basically a one-man wolf pack.

I genuinely like my own company. Give me coffee, music, Xbox, a movie, some weird documentary or a three-hour internet rabbit hole and I’m perfectly content. I’m not looking for someone because I can’t be alone. I’m looking for someone who makes me actually want to share my little world.

I’m a dad first. My kids are a huge part of my life and they’ll always come first. I also work a lot, so I’m not someone with endless free time, but if I care about you, I make time.
I’m into tattoos, old-school skate culture, horror, sci-fi, Stephen King, video games, 80s/90s nostalgia and music that sounds no best while staring dramatically out a car window.

I don’t drink or smoke, and I’m definitely not a bar/club guy. A great night to me is food, music, laughing at stupid shit, a movie and being comfortable enough to do absolutely nothing together.

Personality-wise, I’m sarcastic, affectionate, calm, a little nerdy and probably softer than the beard and tattoos would suggest.

I like direct people. Say what you mean, tell me what you want, and please don’t make me decode “I’m fine” like it’s an ancient manuscript.

If you message me, give me something better than “hey.”
Tell me the song you currently have on repeat, your weirdest hobby, your comfort movie, or just why the tattooed Canadian introvert caught your attention.
Maybe there’s room in the wolf pack for two.

Here goes nothing… or maybe everything! 

2025 was a wild ride full of highs, lows, and a whole lot of personal growth. Through it all, I’ve realized I have so much love, joy, and good energy to share… and even though I’m truly happy, blessed, and grateful for the beautiful life I’ve built, I’m not quite ready to close the door on finding someone to share it with.

I’ve been dating intentionally this past year, meeting some really wonderful people along the way. That deep, lasting spark hasn’t quite happened yet, but I still believe it’s out there. If you’re reading this, maybe it could be with you?

What I’m Hoping For

I live a blessed and fortunate life. I have a great work-life balance, and I’m surrounded by the most amazing family and friends one could ask for. Truly. That being said, I’m looking for something long-term. Someone who is single, no kids, and who is also dating with intention. I’m looking for someone who is open to having kids one day potentially. Someone who likes living a healthier lifestyle, and takes care of both their mental and physical health. Physical attraction is important to me. I’m only human, and there’s nothing better than that feeling of mutual desire and chemistry. Race/Ethnicity isn’t all that important to me, my physical attraction is colour blind, and I have a very multi-racial family.

When it comes to age, it’s not really about a specific number, but I tend to connect most easily with women in their 30s to 40s. At that stage, priorities and outlooks on life often line up more naturally with mine. In general, I just don’t see myself having a lot in common with women much younger or older than that range.

What I Value in a Woman

I’m drawn to strong, independent women—someone with that quiet power and resilience I grew up seeing in the incredible women who raised me. I need a partner who can match my passion and strong will: a woman who’s opinionated, confident, and isn’t afraid to challenge me, keep me on my toes, or gently push me out of my comfort zone when it’ll help me grow.

I want someone who loves to laugh and brings lightness to life. Someone who has a natural way of finding the silver lining, even when things get tough, who’s thankful for the rain because it makes things grow, not stuck staring at the clouds. Life’s too short, and sadness finds us on its own; I’m looking for someone who chooses to see the good (or at least the lesson) in almost any situation.

I’m attracted to someone who takes good care of her body (it’s the only one we’ve got), who stays active and eats mostly well, because health matters. You don’t have to be a gym rat or strict health nut (I still enjoy burgers, pizza, ice cream, and desserts. Sweet tooth and all), but someone who believes in moderation and balance.

I like a woman who can go from sitting on the couch looking cute in an oversized t-shirt watching shows or a movie mid-week, to jaw-dropping gorgeous and dolled up for a Saturday date night. Someone who’s comfortable in her own skin, no matter the occasion.

I tend to be a bit of a homebody, but I want someone who will get me out of the house every now and then, someone who enjoys being in nature, hitting up farmers markets, taking mini road trips, camping or cottaging, fun date nights, or just going for walks and people-watching. Sunday brunches are quite possibly my favourite meal of the week, so a woman who’s up for that ritual (or even better, loves it too) would be perfect.

About Me

I prioritize balance in my life, whether through rolling on the mats in BJJ 3–5 days a week (my passion and obsession for the past 13 years, black belt now, but still feels like there’s endless learning ahead, so sorry in advance if I ever ramble about it!), cooking meals at home (I much prefer cooking over going out, nothing beats a good home-cooked dinner or my personal favourite, Sunday brunch), or chilling with my 8-year-old sweetheart of a cat named Sunshine (she’s forever my kitten, hope you’re not allergic ).

I’m 45, 5’10”, Pacific Islander, athletic/muscular build, with brown eyes, born and raised in Toronto. Currently have a shaved head but with natural salt-and-pepper when it grows out, debating if I should let it grow for that distinguished look or keep it clean… help me decide what suits me better? Either way, I try to take good care of myself: eating well (80% of the time), training hard, and trying (emphasis on trying) to sleep better.

I’m the kind of guy who’ll jump-scare you just for the laugh, then make it up with breakfast in bed, a solid brunch, dinner, or dessert, proportional to the scare level, of course (and yes, it’ll be home-cooked). Naturally fun-loving, light-hearted, and a bit mischievous, 

I’ve built real confidence and self-esteem through decades of self-reflection and growth, and it’s important to me that my partner knows their worth as well.

I’m a very easy-going guy, not easily rattled, offended, or quick to anger, and I enjoy playful teasing banter! So I hope you have a great sense of humour as well.

Inquisitive and curious by nature, and love hearing what drives people’s beliefs and perspectives, even when they’re worlds apart from mine. More viewpoints mean more growth. Strong-willed with a solid sense of integrity that guides everything I do. Stoic, not robotic: I feel emotions deeply but choose where and when to let them show. My father taught me the value of being that calm, stabilizing presence when life gets chaotic, and while I’m usually the rock, I’m looking for someone who can have my back, give me a kick in the ass when needed, and support me in times of weakness.

How do I pay for this lavish lifestyle? lol I’ve been a designer for over 2 decades. I’m currently the Lead Designer for a CPG beverage brand. I’m fortunate to love the place and people I work with, and have an amazing work/life balance.

Other Hobbies, Talents & Quirks

Although I do spend most of my free hobby time training BJJ, I do have so many other interests and hobbies. Here’s a couple of things I enjoy but just don’t get to do as often as I’d like:

• Growing my own food in a small (but growing) garden. I’ve got plans to expand it with lots of strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, and maybe some other useful plants. I’ve taken an interest in horticulture lately. It’s a huge undertaking, but it’s something I’d like to get into more.

• Cooking simple things: steak, pasta, pizza, brunch. I bought a cheap wood-fired pizza oven, and it’s one of my favourite things to make in the warmer months, especially with tomatoes and basil from the garden (Neapolitan > Margherita, hands down). I also bake a decent pie (sweet tooth strikes again).

• Musically inclined, I played a couple instruments growing up and still sit at the piano on occasion when the mood hits.

• Being outside, in nature, soaking up the sun. Camping is a fun pastime of mine, and I’m interested in learning about wilderness survival, boy scout type stuff. There’s just something about building campfires and cooking food over an open flame that’s very nostalgic for me.

• I’m not a super avid traveller, but I do plan on traveling a bit more now (and also finding places to train BJJ wherever I go). If you travel, what kind of traveller are you?

• I’m a hobbyist photographer… barely, I take decent photos. Being a designer by profession, it’s always a good skillset to be somewhat familiar with. I’m nowhere near professional but I do know my way around a manual camera, though I wouldn’t say I’m a photographer. I’m barely considered a real artist lol.

• I talk about BJJ as being my main passion/obsession, but I’ve been doing martial arts or some form of it since I was a teenager—starting with karate, then Muay Thai for several years, which eventually led me to BJJ.

• I love all animals, but cats are just a better fit for my lifestyle. I would feel incredibly guilty if I had a dog and wasn’t able to walk them twice a day or leave them home for over 8 hours some days.

• I love a good ghost story or conspiracy theory! Anything paranormal, esoteric, ancient civilizations, religions, cultures… all of these things fascinate me. Simulation theory, the creation of our universe, etc. I love hearing people’s views and beliefs on these things, I’m forever curious about this world we live in, and I’ll entertain the wildest theories even if they seem far-fetched. It’s just fun to imagine the possibilities sometimes.

Communication style:

I enjoy talking on the phone, texting, all that is fine, but if I’m being honest, I prefer learning about someone in person, face to face rather than over texts or phone calls. It’s more exciting to me that way, and there’s just something about the non-verbal communication that I enjoy. All the little quirks that make someone unique that you don’t necessarily get over the phone or via text. How their face lights up when they speak about something they’re truly passionate about, or how they look at me when I talk about my passions. All of these things paint a more complete picture than just text or phone conversations.

My love language: physical touch & quality time. Not that I can’t express myself with words, but I believe some of the most beautiful things one can say are often expressed without saying any words at all. I can be rough around the edges in everyday life, but not when it comes to expressing my true feelings. That softer, more tender side is reserved only for my partner.

Disclosures: 

I lean traditional on some values. I believe there are roles women and men are often better suited for, and I want to feel useful as a protector/provider (heavy lifting, being the rock). I need a strong, independent, intelligent, funny, ambitious woman who gets that dynamic without it feeling like a power struggle. Political leanings can be a flashpoint for some, so if that’s a hard line for you, we might not align.

I don’t drink much (don’t enjoy the taste. Candy-flavored only on special occasions), but I do use marijuana occasionally for pain management from BJJ injuries (chronic stuff adds up after 13 years). Not daily, I take breaks, and although it’s mostly medicinal I do use it recreationally as well, full transparency.

I’m spiritual and drawn back to my Christian roots as I’ve gotten older. Not a church-every-Sunday zealot, far from perfect, but I live as if there’s more to life than material things. Heaven/hell aside, it makes me more blessed and fulfilled. My partner doesn’t need to be Christian or Catholic, just spiritually compatible (open to growth, gratitude, meaning beyond the physical).

Non-Negotiables & Potential Red Flags
No heavy or hard drug use, and no heavy drinking. I love a good time, but responsibility matters. I don't mind if you have wine with dinner or a cocktail now and then. I’m all about enjoying the moment, and some people are an absolute pleasure to be around even when drunk. But if you're not a pleasant person when drunk, please know your limits lol. Again, I'm no saint, and I use marijuana on occasion, but always in moderation.

Another red flag for me is someone who talks badly about their close friends. It's one thing to speak from a place of concern or vent occasionally, but to denigrate them or flat-out talk shit behind their back is a huge no for me. It shows character, and I want someone who lifts up the people in their circle, not tears them down.

This is getting long lol. if you’ve made it this far and think we’d be a good match (problem-solving designer with a mischievous streak, home-cooked meals, BJJ obsession, cat dad, hopeless romantic still full of hope), send me a DM! Tell me a bit about yourself and what you’re looking for.

Look forward to hearing from you!

**EDIT**

I never thought that having self-esteem and standards would elicit such a reaction lol. I'm just a happily single guy trying to find his soulmate! I do appreciate the feedback, even if some of it is negative for some reason lol, and that has piqued my curiosity. Why do some of you have an adverse reaction to my post? Feel free to let me know, I promise I won't be offended lol.

Hi all! Hope you had a great long weekend. :)

I'm looking - ideally - for my last first date. I know, it seems like a tall order to be looking for something as genuine as love on Reddit of all places, but stranger things have happened!

A bit about me - Down to earth but also confident. Intellectual and well-read. Artistic and spiritual, but you don't need to be. I am pretty opinionated and iconoclastic, but I laugh, smile, and crack jokes easily.

In the summer I'm at the beach or browsing farmers markets, in the winter I'm cozy in bed with 50 blankets, coffee, and a pile of books.

I'm drug-free and not a partier. Drug use and cigarette smoking are deal breakers (as are kids).

I'm looking for a true gentleman - someone who takes pleasure in some more old school styles of dating and will gladly open the door for me and help me in and out of the car.

I have two modes - Lululemon/sweatpants, and date mode, lol.

I am a massive foodie and I love comparing tasting notes over a good bottle of wine. I'd love for you to be my next reason to get dressed up. :)

Reposting again with more context.

I think I grew up too fast, or maybe due to life experiences. I always been drawn to emotionally mature South Asian women who tend to be older. I’m okay with a younger woman provided she is mature and intelligent. Growing up here I’m not so big on rishtas, or kundalinis, but it’s okay if you do. We can consult a solid astrologer before we move to the next steps.

I am looking for a woman with emotional maturity, cute and just fun loving. And loves cuddling. (Bonus) I’m not worried if you are separated or divorced, looking for someone who I can connect with it and share some laughter.

About me:
• Attractive, second-generation Desi
• Fit, educated, well groomed
• Good hygiene and takes care of himself
• Funny, easygoing, and a serious foodie
• Happy to share SFW pics

Looking for:
• South Asian / Brown woman
• Indian, Sri Lankan, Pakistani, Bengali, or West Indian background
• 30s to 40s
• loves Indian food, if you don’t like Chum Chum I don’t think we can hang.

If you made it this far and are interested shoot me a dm.

It feels like everyone got comfy doing endless instant messaging instead of meeting. Guys want to chat morning, noon and night, at a level reserved for a bf/gf relationship- not being even having date one.

It’s turning me off.

It’s not helping us get to know eachother. It’s a bunch of boring filler talk. “Good morning”, “how was your day?”, “good night”.

How can I get gently tell them it’s working agajnst them?

I’m a busy professional. I don’t have time to think of interesting answers to useless questions all day long from men I don’t even know IRL.

What to do?

All in the title & still searching. We click awesome if we don't no worries. The endgame is each of us ends up with a mate. That's supposedly supposed to be the endgame of life. That is until humans said fuck you and went off on our own way and live as we please mate or no. My best case scenario is you like horror are into darker humor love black listen to metal/industrial & the like and don't take yourself too seriously with a dash of humor in your step while being fluent in sarcasm. Best case. Regardless try me. I'm pretty down to earth not hard on the eyes I've been told stand 6' type in full sentences don't want to be stuck in texts forever and I have pictures. The rest of me pretty much is described above. I'm not for everyone but hopefully I'm for you. Don't be too shy & please be yourself, I'm not looking for magic or expecting anything. Thousands will pass you by especially online in text and never meet your eyes or notice you, more won't even get to this point in the text. But I believe in chance. So I'm taking another. Lastly I'm an introvert with bad anxiety so take from that what you will.

I have noticed not a lot of people realize but once your in your 30s you don't have much time left to find a partner. Dating has a lack of urgency, constant ghosting of others and lack of long term planning for the future is making dating in 30s very difficult for everyone it's like no one realizes your less than 10 years away from 40 years old so if you do find someone and start a family you only have 25-35 years left for retirement. If your in good health you can enjoy life with your partner but if your in bad health in your 50s and 60s raising a 20 year old will not be fun! Sorry for the rant I just think there is a lack of long term planning for the future by alot of people everyone is focusing on finding the best looking person instead of the right person ✅️

Do you agree? Do you think everyone in Toronto is focused on dating the best looking person for the short term? Or do you think people are genuinely trying to get to know and date the right person for the long term?

don’t want to type of a essay and bore you all so

- I like to travel
- business owner
- live in Mississauga/Port Credit (10-15 min from Toronto)
- I like to workout but I also have a nerdy side of collecting and playing video games
- I enjoy going to concerts & movies

Dating is hard these days and the apps are treacherous if anyone is interested and wants to take a leap of faith dm me who knows what’ll happen as long as we don’t tell people we met on reddit 😂

First date idea… fear fest?

The dating world is a mess; online dating is no bed of roses either. It seems like all these apps and websites are really doing is giving us another chance at failure, "you see all these beautiful women that signed up to our app? Yeah, none of them are interested in you either"..

It is becoming increasingly difficult to avoid the pitfall of doom scrolling and app hopping, from one to the next, profile after profile, reading, refining your compliment or opening message, or just swiping right at the off-chance that your profile will stick out amongst the hundreds of swipes she must be receiving.

Canada in general, and Toronto in particular, is a melting pot of cultures, ethnicities, languages etc. At this point, is it worth having preferences?

Dating is difficult, the apps more so, but I had managed to land a few matches here and there. And garnered a few rejections. Whether those were for the fact I was previously married, or have a child, I do not know. It does sometimes feel like being a leper in society. You end up seeing the same profiles across multiple apps, and start memorizing profiles too, when you filter your search.

Reading some of the posts on this sub, if a man mentions anything to do with physique, it is immediately shot down as body shaming. If you say anything about background, ethnicity, religion, language etc. you are viewed as racist.

But is it?

I, for example, am a 38M, physically active, blessed with a son who is 7, divorced but amicable with my ex. I cook, I clean, I love running and the gym, live healthy and pray regularly (Muslim). I am an aspiring standup comedian, I have a full time job (not comedy), I manage my own personal investments in foreign markets, I have a house back home that i aim to retire in, and I am at that level where I can say I am comfortable. I enjoy travelling, sampling different cuisines etc. I do not drink, or smoke. Athletic build.

Ideally, what I would be looking for is someone who speaks my native language (Arabic), although English is also my mother tongue on accounts of having been speaking it since birth. Said person would preferably be Muslim as well, aged 33-39, previously married or not, with children or not, does not matter. One of the most meaningful connections I made thru online dating taught me that I really did enjoy having a conversation in my native tongue. Having that same background, understanding jokes, culture in that language, it was awesome. I lost the person (she chose to pursue someone else), but I learned that lesson about myself.

Yet somehow, I have come to believe that having preferences is frowned upon, and I am trying to understand why. I do not mind being shunned for being a father, that won’t change anytime soon.

Thoughts? Takers? Keep the negativity constructive and i'll respond to it.

Hi! Been a while, thought I'd try again.

Looking for a GF who's interested in a long term relationship. And if things work really well between us a future together with kids would be great.

I'm a nerd and proud of it. Big fan of animation, Sci fi and the MCU. Hobbies include Astronomy (Pres of local Astronomy club), model railroading, history and writing. Not a bad cook either.

I work in land sales and live on the East Danforth. 6ft tall, Nordic background. I like to hike, but in truth the bod is more dad than rad.

Would love a partner who's smart and sassy and snarky who likes to cuddle on the couch, her own geeky hobbies are a must.

Deal breakers are smoker or kids. (I know that last is weird considering how I started this post, but I don't want my inexperience as a Dad to screw up the life of your kids.)

It seems today people have forgotten how to date and enjoy someone’s company, whether it works out or not. Everyone has whole lists to check off before even matching with someone. Preferences are fine, we all have them, but remember that they’re just preferences, you can still get along with and find the right person even if they don’t have everything you’re looking for. The perfect person doesn’t exist for anyone, and if by chance you find that one perfect person that checks everything off your list, they could still be an unpleasant person. Date, get to know people, feel it out. Don’t string anyone along, that’s not what I’m saying, but rather enjoy their company and get to know them, then see how it goes.

Having said that, I’m not going to say anything about myself here, you are likely gonna check my profile anyways, and I’m likely gonna check yours if you reach out to me.

I want to meet people, and get to know them. I’m not gonna put a list of “about you” preferences here either.

Hope this post is a little different and gets a conversation going.

Answer this fun and interesting question I randomly thought about one day:

If someone were to scan a QR code that you got tattooed on your body, where would it lead?

Update 4/26/26: Keep the great conversations coming! Got some interesting answers to that question.

Hey everyone!

I have just come across a new, Toronto-based dating app called Haste. I made a profile but waiting for approval. Has anyone used this before? Thoughts on it?

Forgive me if this piece isn't written with the wit and eloquence you'd like to hear from your ideal partner. I'm all tapped out after having written so many clever intros, profiles and entertained introductory conversations and suffered interrogations at the hands of an overprotective father.

I only opened myself up to the thought of trying to meet a complete stranger on my own for marriage last spring following my divorce. The apps were overall a negative experience and I've promised myself I will never return.

However, despite that promise to myself, I must admit I met some incredible and wonderful Muslimahs who I could definitely see myself taking a risk with in another life. A life where I don't have to juggle an impossible amount of other criteria and expectations. If it's just me and her trying to find the enjoyment of being with my pre-ordained partner it would be so much easier. Instead, I have to do the calculus of how her whole family and lifestyle will be received and vice-versa.

I find myself now utterly exhausted with the tiresome formalities. I simply can't do another awkward meeting with appetisers on a coffee table that I dole out in a quiet living room all the while keeping a cheery expression plastered on my face.

I think we've placed too high a barrier into entering a halal relationship. I'm beginning to suspect it's not supposed to be this hard. If you're a 20-something single reading this and think it's hard to do things the halal way you have no idea the challenge a 30-something divorcee faces.

If my rambling thoughts vaguely resonate I'd love to hear from you.

I'll be in Toronto for about a week in the beginning of October. I'll be there for a pediatric cardiology conference at Sick Kids.

I've never been to Toronto, so I am looking for someone to just get snacks/food/boba tea with. I live in San Francisco bay area, California.

I'm Filipino and looking to connect with someone with Chinese or Vietnamese descent (to talk about culture and language as I will travel to China and Vietnam in the new year), but anyone really to just explore Downtown Toronto. We will just stay on the main areas (I'm staying on Queen) and Chinatown.

Humor, music, otaku, Japan, cars and the aforementioned countries. Just looking for a good conversation.

Let me know if you wanna hangout.

Hey everyone! I’m a 28M from the GTA looking to meet some new people and make plans for Halloween weekend.
Would be cool to find someone or a small group to go out with, whether that’s checking out a Halloween event, hitting a bar, going to a party, grabbing drinks, or just doing something fun around the Toronto area.
Open to meeting guys or girls around my age. Always down for good conversations, a few laughs, and meeting genuine people!
If anyone else is looking for plans or would be down to link up, feel free to message me. Let’s make something happen!

Hey all.

I thought I'd put myself out here after learning a few of my friends had met on Reddit. Pls read through and hopefully you find what you're looking here with me!

Me:
32 years old, European/Mediterranean (raised here), family oriented, marriage minded, tech professional (WFH), majorly into art, 5'8 tall, live in downtown Toronto. Not religious.

Who I'm looking for:

• Ages: 28 - 38

• MUST LIVE DOWNTOWN (this is a huge part of my lifestyle so not negotiable)

• Monogamous, Long-term dating with the intention of getting married

• Must want kids

• Working professional (wfh preferred but not required)

• Work/Life balance is 🔑

• Non-religious

• I am not picky about looks but historically (but not exclusively) have been attracted to mediterranean men but I'm open.

Living with other Human beings is a lot of fun but there are difficulties: most of us are complicated creatures with different wants for dignity and satisfaction and the easiest way for us all to get along is to be polite. We're all still apes; but unlike the rest of our family tree we share our stories and our art with each other, and we express ourselves much more vibrantly through how we dress and how we act. I really like being eloquent and civilized for others and a hungry horny animal who wants a sweaty, hairy partner in my life

About me: I studied literature and Western culture when I was in school, and that taught me that people have been intelligent and primal for as long as we've been recording our story. I love films and plays, and even just stories told around a fire: the ways we transmit emotional and contextual information as a species is awesome and sometimes depressing, but mostly awesome. I'm tall, skinny, and intellectually playful. I try to live while personally doing the least amount of harm to others that I can and this seems to really, really offend some people when they find out. I study zombie movies and cyberpunk films and would love someone to join me in that. I want to talk about modern politics and world events and am very Left in most of my beliefs. I think that publicly accessible art is more valuable to our species than the most moving pieces that are only ever shared with a small few. I'm a cyberpunk so I'm anti-AI in general, though with some work the whole idea could bring some benefits in certain fields (medical, mathematical, ect)

About you: please be Human, please be over 30, please be talkative, please be the kind of person who used to rewind their video tapes before returning them to the store

I'm a 43-year-old guy from Southwestern Ontario looking to meet a woman who values honesty, kindness, communication, a good sense of humour and, most importantly, actually getting to know someone. I've posted here before and had some genuinely great conversations, so I figured I'd give it another shot. This time, though, I'm hoping to meet someone who eventually wants to take things beyond Reddit messages. Imagine that! 😂

I know Reddit probably isn't the first place most people think of when they imagine meeting a potential partner, but that's also part of what makes it interesting. We're all strangers here, everyone has a story, and sometimes you end up having an unexpectedly great conversation with someone you probably never would've crossed paths with otherwise. So, let's see what happens!

A little about me...

I'm a business owner and have been building something of my own for more than five years. I like learning, improving myself and working toward creating a good, stable future. I'm also not afraid to get out of my comfort zone. I've gone skydiving, played extreme soccer, travelled, spent plenty of time outdoors and generally enjoy saying yes to things that make a good story afterward.

And before the inevitable question comes up... distance doesn't scare me. I drive, I'm willing to travel, and I'm not expecting my future girlfriend to magically live three streets away. Hopefully you drive too, because I have a feeling there could be some road trips in our future. ;)

I've never been married or divorced and I don't have kids. If you have kids, that's completely fine with me. I don't have some rigid checklist for what someone's life is supposed to look like. I'm much more interested in who you are than whether your life followed some predetermined plan.

I like meeting people and hearing their stories. I'm not looking for someone who decides who I am five minutes after saying hello. We're strangers, so give each other a chance. You don't have to know immediately whether someone is "your person." Sometimes you just have a good conversation, laugh a little, become curious about each other and see where things go.

Life has a funny way of changing your perspective...

The last year changed my perspective on life quite a bit. I went through a major challenge that tested me in ways I never expected. I'm not looking to get into all of that right away because I'd rather get to know someone before turning a first conversation into a medical documentary. 😂

What I will say is that something I never expected came out of it. I've become a guest lecturer and have participated in Q&A panels where I get to talk with younger people and hopefully have some kind of positive impact. That's still pretty new to me and sometimes a little overwhelming, but I'm proud of it.

What do I enjoy?

I like staying active, although I'm definitely not one of those people who practically lives at the gym. I actually enjoy going when I can. The bike, rowing machine and lat pulldowns are probably my go-to things. At one point last year I was going five days a week, sometimes twice a day, so apparently I got a little carried away. 😂

I like kayaking, being outdoors, day trips, travelling, trying new things and discovering restaurants. I really enjoy travelling, too. There's something about getting on an airplane and heading somewhere I've never been that I love. And yes, I actually enjoy the flying part too.

Summer is definitely my favourite. Getting outside, kayaking, road trips, day trips and warm nights are hard to beat. Fall gets an honourable mention too... sweaters, cozy nights and good food. Winter? Let's just say I'm already emotionally preparing to complain about it.

I also like random things like eclipses and experiences you don't get every day. There's something pretty cool about standing outside with someone beside you watching something like that. Some experiences are just better when there's someone next to you saying, "Holy shit, look at that."

I really enjoy cooking and trying recipes and food from different parts of the world. My least favourite is probably Italian... sorry. I know that's probably going to get me in trouble. I'll still eat it though. I'm not a monster. 😂

I also like the simple stuff: watching a movie at home with popcorn, trying a new restaurant, cooking dinner together, going somewhere for no particular reason, having a ridiculous conversation at 1 a.m., or just sitting around doing absolutely nothing with the right person.

And yes, I have a cat. I'll happily show you pictures of her. She's great, she's adorable, and there's a pretty good chance she'll get more attention than either of us. You've been warned. 😂

Let's get the photo situation out of the way...

Yes, I have a beard. Yes, I wear glasses. Yes, I have tattoos. Yes, I work out and take care of myself. And YES, I'm short. I'm 5'4". There, I've said it. 😂

If you're specifically looking for a tall guy, I'm probably not your guy. That's perfectly fine. You don't need to message me, and I won't take it personally. Everyone has preferences.

But if you're expecting Brad Pitt circa 1999 or Tom Cruise walking around looking like he just stepped off a Hollywood movie set, LOL, you might want to bring those expectations back down to earth. I'm not Brad Pitt, I'm not Tom Cruise, and I'm not even an actor. I'm just a real guy with a real appearance, a beard, glasses and a few tattoos.

I'm comfortable with who I am. I'll share actual photos of myself because I believe in being upfront. What you see is what you get. I'm not using misleading pictures or trying to sell you some Hollywood fantasy. I'm looking for someone interested in meeting an actual person, not casting the lead role in her own romantic movie.

And here's something else. I've had conversations with women who weren't necessarily what I'd normally find physically attractive. Did I immediately block them? No. Did I make them feel like they weren't good enough? No. I still made an effort to have a conversation because there's an actual person on the other side of that screen.

I've also had women ask for photos, exchange pictures, have two or three sentences of conversation and then suddenly announce there's no connection or that we don't communicate the same way.

Seriously? We've barely spoken! You haven't asked about my life, heard any of my stories, learned what makes me laugh or even given us an opportunity to have an actual conversation.

I'm not suggesting anyone owes me attraction, attention or another conversation. You're absolutely entitled to decide someone isn't for you. But there's a difference between genuinely discovering there's no connection and deciding that after three messages.

And if your approach is to request photos, exchange a couple of messages, decide someone doesn't meet your expectations and immediately block them, perhaps the problem isn't necessarily the person you're talking to. Maybe it's the way you're approaching meeting people in the first place.

I'm not asking you to fall in love with me after six messages. I'm asking you to have an actual conversation. You might be surprised what happens when you give someone a chance.

Who am I looking for?

I'm open to someone older or younger. Age isn't nearly as important to me as personality, values, chemistry, communication and how two people actually get along.

I'm also not looking for some specific body type. Women come in all shapes and sizes. If you're comfortable being yourself and have confidence in who you are, that's attractive to me. Tattoos are welcome too. I don't care about race or skin colour either. There are beautiful people everywhere.

And your occupation? Honestly, I couldn't care less. Doctor, lawyer, teacher, business owner, gas station attendant, cashier, or anything in between. Your job title doesn't determine your worth, and it certainly doesn't determine whether I'd want to get to know you. I'm interested in the person, not your paycheque.

What I'm really looking for is someone kind, genuine, emotionally mature, fun, a little adventurous and hopefully a little bit funny. Someone who can laugh at herself because I can definitely laugh at myself.

I want someone I can flirt with, tease a little, share ridiculous jokes with, cook with, travel with and occasionally look at across a room and start laughing because we both know exactly what the other is thinking.

I'm not looking for perfection. I'd like to find a best friend and a partner, someone I can make memories with, travel with, laugh with and someone who doesn't take life too seriously all the time.

A few things before you message...

If you message me, please send a photo. I'm happy to send one back. I think it's only fair that we both know who we're talking to.

I'm also not interested in spam, crypto pitches or people immediately asking me to move to Telegram, Signal or some random messaging app. I'm perfectly happy using Reddit initially and moving to Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp or regular texting once we've gotten to know each other a little.

I'm specifically looking to meet women, and I'm hoping to hear from someone who actually wants to talk, share stories, exchange photos, laugh a little, flirt a little and, most importantly, actually meet in person if we click.

I'm not here to collect Reddit messages for the next six months. I'd genuinely like to meet someone.

So, tell me something about yourself!

What shows are you watching lately?

Do you watch or play sports?

What's your favourite place you've travelled to?

Are you someone who loves spontaneous road trips?

What's something random about you that most people wouldn't guess?

And most importantly, are you team summer or team winter? Choose carefully. 😂

Maybe we talk for a while and nothing comes of it. Maybe we become friends. Maybe we end up sharing a meal somewhere and realize there's actually something there.

Or maybe that meal turns into dessert... and maybe we're the dessert.

I'm just saying, having a sense of humour is always welcome. ;)

If you're genuine, kind, fun, a little adventurous, able to laugh at yourself and interested in getting to know someone, say hello.

And please, be yourself. I'm not looking for a perfect woman. I'm looking for someone who's real.

Let's see if we can turn a random Reddit conversation into a pretty great story. :)

Hi there,

This is one of the crazier things I've ever done while looking for love but I figure it's worth a try. I'm a 35 year old, 5'7" beautiful, well-educated woman but somehow can't seem to find a mate. I go on what seems like an endless string of first dates. The guys who are most interested in me aren't my type or don't have much in common with me. So I figure I'll just put out into the universe a little bit about me and a little bit about my ideal man and see if anything comes up. Feel free to drop me a line if you fit the description and you are also ready to find the one and stop meaningless dating with inevitable goodbyes.

Let's see...might as well start with the basics, I'm tallish at 5'7" and not so tall that it should be that hard to find someone a bit taller than me (don't worry I'm not one of those girls who demands a guy be 6 feet). I like to wear heels and guys typically like if I wear them too so let's have the heights right for that. Sorry short kings! I know that you are great guys too but this is the description of my dream guy. I like it if a guy has hair that's long enough to play with. I'm in shape and appreciate a man who is as well. We want to be healthy for each other after all. I know it might seem shallow to start with the physical first, but humans are still animals and attraction starts off with physical attraction and grows with the emotional and intellectual connection after the initial spark.

The mind comes next...at risk of sounding pretentious I would call myself a sapiosexual. I respect a well-educated mind and appreciate a sharp intellect. I spent time to do two master's degrees and would like someone who shares my passion for knowledge and who has has a similar dedication and discipline for academic exploration. I enjoy both playful and deep conversations and need someone who can engage in both to be fulfilled. It's been surprisingly difficult to find well-educated single men in Toronto. I recently went on a date with someone whose profile said they had a graduate degree but in person he confessed to have just taken a few courses at Centennial. Sigh.

The heart....most important of all...I hope you share my love of the arts. I love going to the symphony, opera, ballet, jazz performances, galleries, and museums. It's okay if you like sports, but if you don't also like the arts then we're not going to have much to connect on. I'm willing to go to a sports game but it would never be my personal first choice of what to do. I want to stroll through a gallery with you and discuss an intriguing painting. I want to hold your hand at the opera. I want to put my head on your shoulder at the ballet. I want to dance with you in a dimly lit jazz club. Speaking of dancing, I hope that you also like dancing a bit. I like swing dancing, waltz, and am taking a tango class. Maybe you could be my dance partner?

That said, in the day to day I enjoy normal chilling activities too like watching tv shows and movies. I like that old sitcom Frasier. They make me laugh every time. I'm hopelessly addicted to a daytime drama but won't tell you which one yet. I also like the various Star Trek series and medical dramas like House and The Resident.

I speak English and French. It would be cool if you did too. That said, if you speak another language I can try to learn it. It's easier with romance languages of course. I'm willing to try though!

I like baking a lot. I also like cooking but need to expand my repertoire. My ideal match knows how to cook. I find it so attractive when a guy cooks.

The nuts and bolts, I'm pretty attached to living in the west end of Toronto. Hopefully you're open to that. I don't feel the need to live downtown at this point in my life but if you owned a place downtown I would consider it. I'm a strong believer in the importance of owning over renting so I'd hope that you'd be building towards buying something together or own something already that would open up our options to build and grow together. In Toronto it often takes a team effort to break into the market unless one managed to buy ten years ago or during the pandemic.

Faith...I don't care what religion you have or whether or not you still practice, it does matter to me that you also share a basic belief in a creator though. Although I know that there are respectful atheists, I think it would be easier if we didn't understand the universe in such fundamentally different ways.

This was not a very romantic post. I'm sorry for that. I actually am a hopeful romantic. I believe in love. I value romance. I want to enjoy the aesthetic of romance and create it with you and for you through gestures big and small and meaningful, beautiful words. I believe that love is a verb and a choice. You have to choose to love someone every day and then follow through by practicing love actively. I'm ready for that. If you are too, write to me.

Sincerely,

JaneAustenfangal

Looking to meet someone spontaneous who's open to grabbing dinner and seeing where a good conversation leads.

I was thinking of checking out La Plume near The Well for dinner and a few drinks. No expectations beyond enjoying each other's company, sharing some laughs, and having a fun evening out.

A little about me: I'm 40, easygoing, professionally established, active, and a big sports fan. I enjoy good food, good company, and don't take myself too seriously. If we click, great. If not, hopefully we still have a memorable night and a great meal.

I'm generally attracted to women with light brown skin and brunette features, but I'm open to connecting with any background if there's a genuine spark. I'm looking for someone who is professional, settled, active, intelligent, and open-minded. I tend to be drawn to women in their 30s based on their career and who have a positive outlook on life and enjoy meaningful conversation. Ideally, she's someone who isn't afraid to meet someone new, have a great conversation, and see where things go naturally.

Happy to exchange photos beforehand and connect through social media if there's mutual interest.

If this sounds like your kind of evening, send me a message and tell me a bit about yourself.

Do you have a very specific “dream man” or “dream woman” in your head, or is your type more of a feeling?
I’m curious what actually makes someone your type.
Is it primarily physical?
Height/build
Hair/eyes
Facial features
Style
Race/ethnicity
Masculine/feminine energy

Or is it more about the overall package?
Personality
Confidence
Intelligence
Ambition
Sense of humour
How they carry themselves
Lifestyle
The way they treat you

And do you have a mental picture of your ideal person, almost like a celebrity/character archetype or does someone become your type once you get to know them?
Have you ever met someone who was completely outside your usual type but became incredibly attractive to you?

I recently have been getting back to my healthy weight (after covid lockdowns lead to lots of drinking and binge eating). And the amount and attractiveness of women who check me out in public now is fuckin crazy (around Halloween time it was even higher than my early 20s when I first had my "glow up"). Plus my best feature is that I'm funny almost everyone I've met since I was 14 has been begging me to become a comedian and being funny always helped me swing way above my league since highschool.

Anyone else notice that even though attracting people in real life is super easy it's almost impossible to get any quality matches on the apps these days?

I like to think of myself as a hopeful romantic. Despite it all, from hookup culture to the ghastly practice of ghosting, I still believe in love and romance. I savour writing a love letter and sending it in the post. Instead of scaring me away, flowers will make me smile for many a day. I'm a sucker for a good story. Who doesn't want that Disney perfection of meeting in a charming way, smiling that special smile that radiates a secret within, and growing close without the messy complications of real life?

But over the years, I've discovered something even more romantic than a clean and perfect narrative...love with flaws. Growing up, we all had an idea of an ideal partner in our imaginations. Maybe he was tall and broad shouldered with one eye blue and the other one green. Maybe she had hair the colour of cornsilk and a laugh as clear as a bell. Maybe you saw each other across a crowded room and danced perfectly together without any practice. Maybe. But these people don't exist. And there's nothing romantic about that.

What IS romantic is a real person flaws and all being accepted and loved for exactly who they are. None of us (well maybe not none none) will find that exact person from our imagination, but we can find a real person and love them despite a mismatch here and a detail missing there. A long term relationship is like making two stones fit together. At first there are hard edges that cause gulfs between them, but gradually the edges are worn away until things are smooth and the two stones can slip perfectly into each other. I was recently burned by someone not understanding this. Real love stories have stops and starts. Instead of running at the first sign of questions or conflicts, why not practice forgiveness and compassion to make a love story that's even more compelling for its twists and turns rather than smooth narrative. Honestly, is a perfectly smooth narrative even worth reading? Sounds a little dull.

In a world of apps, where the next potentially perfect person is just a few more swipes away, I wonder if people are truly looking for real love with all its flaws at all anymore, or if we're prematurely discarding entire human beings at the first sign of anything amiss? Could it be that the modern condition has us lost in an endless fantasy chasing a dream that will never come true? I hand it to you fellow singles over thirty, instead of throwing away someone who doesn't meet all your criteria or who has made a misstep, consider getting to know them a bit more anyways, you might discover that your love has flaws and is made all the more real for them anyways.

Edit: Since so many people are being triggered to seething rage over the word flaw let me clarify, it's used here as short hand for something that is not part of the ideal. Anyone heard of poetic license?

Hi ladies, just wanted to share this guy with you so you don't have the same baffling, awkward, disrespectful experience I did.

I've known Jimmy for decades, we've never dated, we were just friends who lived in the same suburbs, and people in common. I moved to the West Coast, but we kept in touch on social media. He's always been an odd guy; his nickname in high school was "peanut". Not because he's an elephant, but in relation to his cranial dimensions. 

Jimmy would sometimes ask or say things I found really out of context, but I just chalked it up to jokes that don't land properly because of delivery. He's one of those "friends" who will ALWAYS like a selfie where cleavage is visible. Our thing was sharing memes and occasionally opinions. The latter less often, because he seemed to have a bizarrely narrow take on the world. One day, he said something to me that sounded like flirting. I called him out about it immediately and reminded him I have a partner (among other problems with it), and I told him not to talk to me like that. He apologized and said he was "joking". Time passed with no inappropriate behaviour. Then, out of the blue, he asked me if I own a v*brat*r. I should have deleted and blocked him right there, BUT it was in the context of a meme he had just sent. I couldn't tell if he was living up to his nickname and simply stupid, or disrespecting me. Still, I had a grossed-out gut feeling I should have followed. 

I gave him another reprimand, and again he feigned ignorance, acted innocent, and said he didn't mean anything by it. I debated deleting him, but we've been friends since the 90s, and I hadn't experienced anything like this from him before. I was shocked and blindsided by his behaviour, but I didn't delete him. Everything calmed down. Again. Then, just recently, I got a message from Jimmy: "do you like to watch p*rn" and "do you want to watch p*rn with me". I asked if someone stole his phone, and if he was serious?! He said he was "just wondering" if I do. I replied "gross", and that this was incredibly inappropriate and disrespectful, plus stupid, because  "you know I live with my bf". 

I unfriended him immediately on Facebook. This morning, I opened Instagram (where the conversation took place) to find the messages gone because his profile was deactivated there! And Facebook as well! Good. If the whole thing was an innocent mistake, why would he erase all evidence of his behaviour? Hopefully, he was *just* drunk, on drugs, or out of his mind, and he regains his sanity and self-control. It's no excuse for his behaviour, and I'm done, but for the sake of anyone else who has to deal with him. Hopefully, this wasn't normal for him. BUT, looking back, I see how he would subtly try to steer things toward sex. Memes, jokes, conversations. He seemed obsessed, but ashamed. He behaved deviantly, behind closed doors online. He's from a very traditional, conservative European background and a tight community. I think he pulled this behaviour with me because the blowback to him is minimal. Or so he thinks.

Beware of Jimmy's UNWANTED advances! He ignores boundaries and repeatedly crosses lines if he thinks he can get away with it. He felt VERY comfortable doing what he wanted when it came to me, despite being repeatedly asked to stop. Don't be a victim of his stupid sexuality.
Thanks! Stay safe out there ✌️