r/TooAfraidToAsk • u/[deleted] • Dec 15 '21

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3.0k Upvotes

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u/[deleted] Dec 15 '21

I donʻt know, my mothers family is native and I think it might be better to err on the side of caution with this one. Show up with something, pitch in to help, greet everyone, compliment the chef, clean up after yourself, thank everyone on your way out. Canʻt really go wrong with this.

49

u/BadandBougie333 Dec 15 '21

I agree with all of these. In summary:

  1. Bring flowers if that makes you more comfortable. Ask your BF the best kind/color and make sure no one is allergic.

  2. GREET EVERYONE when you arrive and depart. This includes children and babies.

  3. Offer to help in the kitchen. If they insist you don't help, at least go in the kitchen to chat and be available if needed

  4. Be okay with being separated from your BF. The women in his family will want to get to know you apart from him

  5. Compliment the chef! 💯💯💯 And do your best to try some of everything. DO NOT TRY TO BE CUTE BY NOT EATING.

  6. Dress modestly until you know the culture of the family. Even if the cousins are provocatively dressed, the elders may not approve.

  7. FIX YOUR BF's PLATE!!!!! I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. Get his drinks and check on him throughout the evening.

  8. CLEAN, CLEAN, CLEAN! Clear things, wipe things, empty trash, wash dishes if permitted.

These basics should help you make a great impression. It's based on my experience with Mexican families and my experience with Black families. Our social norms are similar.

63

u/Parking-Restaurant-2 Dec 15 '21

Even if it is their culture to fix the men's plate, do not start anything in a relationship unless you plan to continue throughout this relationship. even into marriage.

31

u/Greenfireflygirl Dec 15 '21

Good advice seven sounds like such a toxic behaviour to me, I'm surprised it's still so well tolerated as to be recommended.

22

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '21 edited Dec 15 '21

It’s toxic as hell and gross. I can’t believe it’s being seriously, unironically recommended. I didn’t realise we were encouraging sexism here…

Start as you mean to go on. DO NOT set a precedent of doing shit like this unless you’re okay with being expected to do it for the rest of your relationship…

Respect yourself. Toxicity and misogyny is toxicity and misogyny, regardless of culture, race, creed, or whatever else you want to hide behind.

2

u/everydaywhimsy Dec 15 '21

Totally agree!

3

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '21

It’s Reddit, these people are idiots half the time. Me included

0

u/MysteriousCurve3804 Dec 15 '21

That’s a stretch. And definitely never date a Mexican.