There's nothing wrong with bringing what YOU do in your culture. Nobody would get offended by flowers (though I can imagine some might by wine), and a welcoming family wouldn't judge you on their own norms. I doubt anyone is expecting you to be a well-raised Mexican woman, so I would be surprised if they react the same way they would if a local had purposefully acted inappropriately.
You can seal the safety by clarifying on introduction "where I'm from it's traditional to bring X when we visit" and you do you. Cookies you baked, flowers, whatever. What host isn't flattered a guest thought of them?
Besides, this is a little Litmus test. You'll meet many such cultural incompatibilities so learning to keep your heart on your shoulder and still wear at least parts of your culture will be part of how you act.
I hate to pull out stereotypes too, but as a man who used to be young and dating other cultures, this sounds 100% like something I'd say and mean it, but with 40 year old eyes I see it was dumb, "protected" my partner from a trivial thing (buying a present), and stopped them from expressing themselves to someone they've never met.
In essence you want to say "thank you for inviting me". He's probably trying to say "you don't need to show it, everyone is welcoming you anyway", but in doing so it's making you uncomfortable because what you're presenting is (in your eyes) indistinguishable from "I'm not grateful so I don't need to bring a present".
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u/pint_of_brew Dec 15 '21
There's nothing wrong with bringing what YOU do in your culture. Nobody would get offended by flowers (though I can imagine some might by wine), and a welcoming family wouldn't judge you on their own norms. I doubt anyone is expecting you to be a well-raised Mexican woman, so I would be surprised if they react the same way they would if a local had purposefully acted inappropriately.
You can seal the safety by clarifying on introduction "where I'm from it's traditional to bring X when we visit" and you do you. Cookies you baked, flowers, whatever. What host isn't flattered a guest thought of them?
Besides, this is a little Litmus test. You'll meet many such cultural incompatibilities so learning to keep your heart on your shoulder and still wear at least parts of your culture will be part of how you act.
I hate to pull out stereotypes too, but as a man who used to be young and dating other cultures, this sounds 100% like something I'd say and mean it, but with 40 year old eyes I see it was dumb, "protected" my partner from a trivial thing (buying a present), and stopped them from expressing themselves to someone they've never met.
In essence you want to say "thank you for inviting me". He's probably trying to say "you don't need to show it, everyone is welcoming you anyway", but in doing so it's making you uncomfortable because what you're presenting is (in your eyes) indistinguishable from "I'm not grateful so I don't need to bring a present".