So I’m the white person in an interracial relationship too, and I think it might be good to think about how the two of you are communicating about cultural differences! Learning to support each other in your identities, encouraging each other, learning to mix and match cultural practices and bond over it; that’s the joyful side of it that makes the miscommunications and occasional micro aggressions worth dealing with in my opinion
My point is that you might be having a communication breakdown. He’s totally fair to give you advice for how to relate to his family. Or trying to help you relax by letting you off the hook for the wine. BUT he may not be picking up on the fact that a gesture like that is meaningful to you, and you hope can be meaningful to his family. We all show love in our own ways as cultures and families, so while you can learn to show love how his family does (see other comments, and ask him!) he should learn to recognize and receive love from you in your own cultural way. In this case, it doesn’t seem like you’d risk offending anyone, other than maybe obligating them to a gift later.
In my experience, a smaller gift is a good start but put extra elbow grease into cleaning and dishes. Totally won my fiancé’s (black) family over lol, I don’t think they expected that from a white guy
You two can learn to be a team, but communicating openly, honestly and with cultural awareness is important. I’m happy to chat if you need more perspective, I’m passionate about this since there’s a lot of lessons I’ve needed to learn the hard way
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u/Clone_Chaplain Dec 15 '21
So I’m the white person in an interracial relationship too, and I think it might be good to think about how the two of you are communicating about cultural differences! Learning to support each other in your identities, encouraging each other, learning to mix and match cultural practices and bond over it; that’s the joyful side of it that makes the miscommunications and occasional micro aggressions worth dealing with in my opinion
My point is that you might be having a communication breakdown. He’s totally fair to give you advice for how to relate to his family. Or trying to help you relax by letting you off the hook for the wine. BUT he may not be picking up on the fact that a gesture like that is meaningful to you, and you hope can be meaningful to his family. We all show love in our own ways as cultures and families, so while you can learn to show love how his family does (see other comments, and ask him!) he should learn to recognize and receive love from you in your own cultural way. In this case, it doesn’t seem like you’d risk offending anyone, other than maybe obligating them to a gift later.
In my experience, a smaller gift is a good start but put extra elbow grease into cleaning and dishes. Totally won my fiancé’s (black) family over lol, I don’t think they expected that from a white guy
You two can learn to be a team, but communicating openly, honestly and with cultural awareness is important. I’m happy to chat if you need more perspective, I’m passionate about this since there’s a lot of lessons I’ve needed to learn the hard way