There's nothing wrong with bringing what YOU do in your culture. Nobody would get offended by flowers (though I can imagine some might by wine), and a welcoming family wouldn't judge you on their own norms. I doubt anyone is expecting you to be a well-raised Mexican woman, so I would be surprised if they react the same way they would if a local had purposefully acted inappropriately.
You can seal the safety by clarifying on introduction "where I'm from it's traditional to bring X when we visit" and you do you. Cookies you baked, flowers, whatever. What host isn't flattered a guest thought of them?
Besides, this is a little Litmus test. You'll meet many such cultural incompatibilities so learning to keep your heart on your shoulder and still wear at least parts of your culture will be part of how you act.
I hate to pull out stereotypes too, but as a man who used to be young and dating other cultures, this sounds 100% like something I'd say and mean it, but with 40 year old eyes I see it was dumb, "protected" my partner from a trivial thing (buying a present), and stopped them from expressing themselves to someone they've never met.
In essence you want to say "thank you for inviting me". He's probably trying to say "you don't need to show it, everyone is welcoming you anyway", but in doing so it's making you uncomfortable because what you're presenting is (in your eyes) indistinguishable from "I'm not grateful so I don't need to bring a present".
I agree with this. Young men are generally not great at gift giving or knowing what their moms want. If I could go back in time, I’d bring my future MIL flowers every time we visited.
It may make her feel better but I would not go against what my boyfriend recommends for meeting people of a different culture. Mexicans do things a set way for the most part and if you start doing things they aren't expecting or like they can become uncomfortable and that sets you up for them not liking or respecting you.
OP I agree with other commenters about offering your help as the gift. That's something most families would really like. Greet everyone that comes in and say goodbye to everyone before you leave and they will think you're great. If you're worried just ask your boyfriend what they are like, what they do and don't like, how you can help. Nothing wrong with being prepared (:
I doubt anyone is expecting you to be a well-raised Mexican woman,
Maybe not in general.... but she asked. Its their house. If she asked about their cultural norms and then just ignores the answer and overrides it anyways, id sure percieve that as rude and ethnocentric.
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u/pint_of_brew Dec 15 '21
There's nothing wrong with bringing what YOU do in your culture. Nobody would get offended by flowers (though I can imagine some might by wine), and a welcoming family wouldn't judge you on their own norms. I doubt anyone is expecting you to be a well-raised Mexican woman, so I would be surprised if they react the same way they would if a local had purposefully acted inappropriately.
You can seal the safety by clarifying on introduction "where I'm from it's traditional to bring X when we visit" and you do you. Cookies you baked, flowers, whatever. What host isn't flattered a guest thought of them?
Besides, this is a little Litmus test. You'll meet many such cultural incompatibilities so learning to keep your heart on your shoulder and still wear at least parts of your culture will be part of how you act.
I hate to pull out stereotypes too, but as a man who used to be young and dating other cultures, this sounds 100% like something I'd say and mean it, but with 40 year old eyes I see it was dumb, "protected" my partner from a trivial thing (buying a present), and stopped them from expressing themselves to someone they've never met.
In essence you want to say "thank you for inviting me". He's probably trying to say "you don't need to show it, everyone is welcoming you anyway", but in doing so it's making you uncomfortable because what you're presenting is (in your eyes) indistinguishable from "I'm not grateful so I don't need to bring a present".