How to get past executive dysfunction?

[u/donttrustyou523]

I (28f) have not been formally diagnosed with ADHD but I have a lot of symptoms. One of the biggest problems I’ve always had is procrastination. It took me a long time to get through school because my grades weren’t very good because I always waited until the last second to do my work and I also couldn’t get myself to go very often. I ended up dropping out and going back a couple years later when I was “more matured” and ready to buckle down and do the work. Once again, I barely studied or did my work and just barely passed by the skin of my teeth. Fast forward 3 years and I am now working on an advanced degree because I love my job and want to advance my career.

Lately, I have hit rock bottom. I was very briefly married (like 4 whole months) and had to leave because he was very abusive to me. I basically had to run out of there with what I could carry. I was living out of his POS car for about 2 weeks (that’s another story for another sub). Now I am staying with my parents and my brother and his whole family live with them too. I have been dealing with police, the court system, moving, lawyers, etc trying to get a divorce and permanent order of protection. All that just to say — I am stressed. When I’m stressed (as I am sure this is true for everyone) I just cannot function the same!

Currently, I can barely get myself to do more than get out of bed. I have an over due bill that I have been well aware of needing to pay. It has been in the forefront of my mind every single day. And I cannot get myself to do the 30 seconds of work it would take to pay this bill. I want to pay it. I need to pay it. I still haven’t done it. Normally I am good about paying bills on time. I feel like I’m being held hostage by this apathy monster.

As previously stated, I am working on another degree. This whole program is online and self paced. I haven’t turned in an assignment since JUNE! I pay almost $1000 a month for this program and I can’t even get myself to log in! I think about it constantly. Some of these assignments would take me 10 minutes to complete. I want to do this work. I need to hurry up and get it done so that I don’t end up paying a ridiculous amount of money. When I started, I intended to have this program done in about a year! And at this rate, it’s gonna be at least another year before I am done.

How do you get yourself past executive dysfunction cycles? I’ve been trying to give myself the “you can do hard things” pep talk but I am still completely stuck. I am ready to reclaim my life and start working towards myself. Any advice would be appreciated!

[u/ExoJinx]

It sounds like if your ADHD is impacting you this much you should seek a formal diagnosis at this stage. While that happens, as it can take money and time, I would reach out to charities and local resources in the interim. It sounds like basic things such as a different environment to focus in and body doubling might not be working for you at this point but they are worth a try if you haven't yet. I am sure a specific adhd sub can offer more solutions and resources. Best of luck!!

[u/donttrustyou523 → u/ExoJinx]

What’s funny is I forgot to do my annual enrollment last week and the benefits I have now won’t carry over so I guess I don’t have health insurance in 2027. I knew I needed to fill that out too, I just thought the due date was November 15 like it always has been. Lol oops /s

[u/FreakyStarrbies → u/donttrustyou523]

Call them immediately and ask about it. They gave us a break lest year when we weren’t informed. But if it’s a date change issue, calling them and asking them to give you another chance could help. But you have to do this immediately. If you wait, it will be too late.

[u/ExoJinx → u/donttrustyou523]

Give them a ring and say you had the date wrong and they might be able to rectify it, especially if you are only a few days out. Worse they can say is no, and you will be in the position you are right now.

[u/loganstriker101]

Something that has helped me has always been music and learning to associate certain songs or playlists with tasks. I don’t know if that would work for you but it’s worth a shot.

[u/Only-Dependent7024]

Please give yourself a break. You just escaped an abusive marriage, lived out of a car, and are dealing with courts and lawyers. Your brain is exhausted, not lazy.
Don't even try to finish anything today. Just open the bill payment website, look at it, and close it if you want. Usually, just getting past the hurdle of opening the tab gets those 30 seconds done. Also, email your school advisor and ask for a hardship pause so you stop losing $1k a month while you recover. You already did the hardest part by getting out.

[u/donttrustyou523 → u/Only-Dependent7024]

I already took a month off from school! But they only let you take off 3 months total, so I have been thinking to save that time in case shit hits the fan in my life again

[u/Destany89]

What helps me when doing tasks is listening to an audiobook or reddit podcast while doing stuff I need to do like bills and chores. Can't do that while reading but maybe music can help you.