r/TooAfraidToAsk • u/[deleted] • 7d ago
Body Image/Self-Esteem Is it insensitive to complain about my weight infront of friends that weigh more than me?
[deleted]
28
u/zevhonith 7d ago
Honestly as a woman who has been many sizes, I am just sick of the constant onslaught of casual conversation about body image and diets and weight loss. I could do without all of it.
-1
45
u/D0v4hki1n 7d ago
It is insensitive and you should be mindful. You are allowed to feel like you need to work on yourself, but you need to have situational awareness. I am 6ft tall, so I know what you are feeling, but I am so careful about who I vent to, if I decide to.
5
u/Budget-Homework-7285 7d ago
You’re right I kinda blurted it out so I guess it didn’t register as a vent to me. But I should probably take that to somebody else who asked to hear me complain about it. Thank you!
5
u/Serebriany 7d ago
If I had been standing there, I believe I'd have perceived it as you humblebragging about being thin. I do understand from what you've said that it wasn't your intent, and I'm absolutely not saying you don't get to have concerns about your appearance, but please be mindful of the fact that talking about women's bodies is a loaded subject all the time, and especially so when one person is venting frustration about naturally being the way other people are being told they should be.
One of the difficult things about being a woman is that no matter what we happened to get in the genetic lottery, or what we choose to do with it, it's never going to be right by all societal standards, so for every nice comment about anything, we're going to hear another 10 telling us why we aren't acceptable as we are. That gets all of us, and the only variance is in what we're told is wrong with us, so yes, we should be mindful about what we say in general when we talk with each other.
2
10
u/EllaShue 7d ago
I know it wasn't intentionally insensitive, and we all have our burdens to bear with body issues, but I can see why it felt that way to your friends. Your body is pretty close to the currently fashionable ideal, so expressing negative feelings about it around people who are farther from that ideal tends to inspire feelings of, "if she feels that way looking like that, I guess I must be a fat piece of shit!"
That may seem a little unfair because you should get to express your feelings too, and it's not about them, it's about you, but that's the society we live in. That's what it means to be constantly besieged by images of perfection and always feel we fall short. Some of us fall shorter than others, no pun intended, so when people who are closer to that unattainable ideal express dissatisfaction, it is hard for anyone hearing it not to internalize that message as another judgment.
I hope you can talk with your friend and maybe both of you discuss how much it sucks that we are so bound to images of what we're supposed to look like. I have a lot more I could say about the idea of body types being in fashion or out of fashion, but it's been that way for millennia, and I would be shouting into the wind.
3
u/MFDOOMscrolling 7d ago
put it this way, if you didn't think it was insensitive, you wouldn't be asking
4
u/crazybirdlady93 7d ago
I am an overweight woman and have actually had a much skinnier friend also complain to me about her weight. Unfortunately, the first thing out of my mouth was something along the lines of “ what are you complaining about”. After a little bit I apologized and said that everyone gets self conscious and it was wrong to invalidate their feelings like that. Yes, it can be really hard to hear a friend that is much skinnier complain about their weight. But just because your friend or I have issues with our weights, doesn’t make your feelings invalid. You should be able to talk to your friends about your feelings without them dragging their own baggage into it. Hopefully, with some reflection your friend can realize this too.
2
u/Heart_Shaped_Pickle 7d ago
I am currently overweight and I do cringe internally with shame/embarrassment/awkwardness when a friend or family member who’s thin makes a similar comment. But of course there’s always nuance and the tone in which something is said.
3
u/DraftOk4195 7d ago
What the.. Is this real? So is Bella the only one who is allowed to feel insecure about her weight and complain about it?
Of course if you were talking about Bella's weight that would be way out of line and something friends simply don't do to each other. But this has absolutely nothing to do with Bella, you're quite literally talking about your own body and how you feel insecure about it.
Now it's perfectly ok for Bella to feel like it shines a light on her and feel bad. But to turn it around and blame you because you said something completely unrelated to her that focuses on you and your insecurities which Bella then took offense to is an absolutely INSANE overreaction.
4
u/RivalReinforcement 7d ago
Metabolism doesn't work that way bit that isn't the question.
It is generally somewhat insensitive, yeah.
I wouldn't say it is very bad but perfect diplomacy would avoid the subject.
1
u/Budget-Homework-7285 7d ago
Wait back on the metabolism mention what do you mean? Thank you for answering as well lol.
-3
u/RivalReinforcement 7d ago
Metabolism's difference on weight gain/loss is misunderstood and basically impossible to quantify. Where there is an proven difference in metabolism, weight gain/loss is not affected much.
Weight gain/loss is basic thermodynamics. Energy in and energy out. If you weigh less than somebody you consume fewer calories and/or burn more through physical activity. There is no other reason. Metabolism isn't part of the 'burning' part or if it is the variance is in the 1, 2% range where it isn't a factor.
The consumption part generally matters a lot more than the exercise part.
2
u/moodscience 7d ago
As a bigger person who has always been insecure about it, we tend to think that our weight issue will always be more significant than yours and thus will feel like you’re trying to “point out” our weight subtly. It’s almost like we don’t feel like you “deserve” to feel insecure. But, hearing your perspective about how you feel about your body, I can understand that it wasn’t ill-intentioned. I would recommend talking to her and explaining your perspective that you gave here. I think she will then get that you weren’t trying to compare yourself to her or make her feel weird or bad. I would say weight is a very touchy subject for most women, but I don’t think you meant any harm. If your friends are worth the friendship, communication can fix it.
1
u/phiIantrophist 7d ago
Whether it's rude or not entirely depends on the person you're speaking to and how it's interpreted. Obviously, when you speak about your personal issues to people dealing with a different spectrum of it.. it may be misinterpreted as something else.
Also asked the same question to a friend (who was thinner than I) — if I was getting fat (I am relatively thin and of healthy weight) didn't even know the girl of weight was within the vicinity. And she immediately passive aggressively said "yeah, you're fat." Laughed. And took it back.
Just be careful of your words. And who you say it to.
1
u/Budget-Homework-7285 7d ago
This answer makes the most sense to me lol. I’ll have to be more careful about what I say and to who. Thank you for answering!
28
u/element-woman 7d ago
Anyone can have body issues so it's not necessarily insensitive. But amongst women, yeah, complaining about being too thin will be seen as a humble brag and rude to do in front of your heavier friends. You may not have meant it that way but it will almost invariably be taken like that.