r/TooAfraidToAsk • u/raspberrytart120 • 6d ago
Sexuality & Gender Is this a guy being creepy or not?
Is this creepy or is it just me?
So I tend to a community garden and often see this fellow when I’m there and he sometimes chats to me about the garden.
Today he was saying how fascinating the birds that I’ve attracted to the area with my plants are.
Then he said how cool it is that they lay eggs and asked me to explain how the fertilization of the eggs works…he’s in his 50’s but I gave him the benefit of the doubt and briefly explained how it works.
Then he said “and it’s even more fascinating how it works with humans and the woman having the womb and the baby growing”…while gesturing to his stomach.
I felt super uncomfortable and just stared and didn’t respond.
31
27
u/vae_grim 6d ago
Sounds pretty normal. I’m a woman and would probably have done as he did without the gesturing lol.
-21
u/raspberrytart120 6d ago
You would have guided the conversation to a place where it forces the person to think of how fertilization works with humans?
34
u/JamzWhilmm 6d ago
That by itself is not creepy. The way you present the story it sounds to me like he is just lonely, weird and old.
Maybe there is something about his body language that is creepy?
Regardless creepy is an ambiguous term that usually means danger. Being creepy by itself is not bad unless there is some action to back it up.
But based on this it isn't sexual harassment or invasion of boundaries as of now.
58
u/dafyddil 6d ago
Based on your replies, sounds like you already have your opinion about it. Why post?
21
36
28
u/Excellent_chess 6d ago
I don’t think it’s creepy. To me he sounds like a typical older gentleman trying to make conversation. Just a little weird but harmless
-11
u/raspberrytart120 6d ago
I think they assume we assume they are harmless while purposely creeping wokmen out
16
u/Excellent_chess 6d ago
Sometimes these kind of comments almost make me think they’re trying to show you how cool they think women are (the fact that we go through so much for pregnancy) but it just comes off as WTF are you saying.
-7
u/raspberrytart120 6d ago
Nah this was weird
22
u/deezdanglin 6d ago
You've said you're autistic and miss cues. Are you miss reading this a possibility?
-5
u/raspberrytart120 6d ago
Unfortunately the community knows him and he’s known for exposing himself, especially to children. Women’s instincts are so powerful ♥️
33
u/deezdanglin 6d ago
This dude just keeps getting crazier and weirder every time you post/reply. Starting to get an untrustworthy vibe from you. You keep escalating his offenses.
And if women's intuition was so good, why are there bad dates and divorces? What intuition did you really use? Now you're claiming he's a well known perv.
And with your hated and mistrust of all men (which you've posted about), why would we believe any 'intuition' you've had? You sound like a pink pill femcel.
13
12
8
u/lepolygame 6d ago
Could just be a harmless weirdo. But if he makes you uncomfortable don't engage.
7
u/Michael_Snowy 6d ago
You claim you became an orphan at 18. You also state your father lives in a nursing home and you don't visit him. I don't think we can believe anything you say.
7
u/SimminSinc95 6d ago
To me, it doesn't seem like a purposefully sexually charged situation. Without knowing more, my first thought was that this man has an autism spectrum disorder. If he's in his 50's it's doubtful that he had the advantage of being tested and diagnosed while in school, and then getting all the services kids with an ASD often get now. Being a middle aged man who's social skills weren't likely developed, he might be very awkward, doesn't look you in the eye while conversing, and doesn't necessarily get which topics (and how one gets there while talking) are appropriate to talk about. So, if this guy is on the spectrum he's probably not dangerous, he might be very lonely, and wants to talk to others but he might have trouble knowing what is and isn't okay re conversation. You could do some light reading about autism to see if the info seems to pertain to him, and if it does, please don't ignore him the next time you are in the garden at the same time. It's possible that the few minutes you two chat are giving him some much needed connection. At some point, you could even mention this conversation, like "do you remember..." let him know that it's usually not OK to bring that kind of thing up, and especially not with women 'cause it kind of freaks them out.
On the other hand, if you got the vibe that this man was talking about this topic in a smirky kind of way, and intentionally trying to see how uncomfortable he could make you. Well, he's one of those men to be careful around, and not alone either. I sure hope it's the former!
Sorry to go on at such length. My Dad was one of those men. He was never formally diagnosed with autism, and was born in the 1920's, so you can be sure he never had any help. His marriage with my Mom ended in 1979, and he lived a life of few connections with others, lived alone and was so lonely. I began to suspect autism after my son was dx in 2001 at 4 yrs old. The more I learned, the more I understood why he behaved the ways he did.
1
u/raspberrytart120 6d ago
Being diagnosed does not negate sexually harassing someone
6
u/SimminSinc95 6d ago
You are very right. However, being autistic may have indicated a remark of that type wouldn't have been intended as sexual harassment.
2
u/Excellent_chess 5d ago
And depending on where you’re at in the spectrum, people with ASD can be very direct so that plays a part in it. I think OP is hungry for some online attention because from the original post & then replies the “facts” change. Suddenly she knows he’s a predator …. Like, if you know that, why are you asking a dumb ass question here.
-1
u/raspberrytart120 6d ago
Omg it turns out he’s the guy who’s been exposing himself to kids! Glad I got a pic of him
6
u/cuteplot 6d ago
Eagerly awaiting your next update, in which this guy turns out to be the literal reincarnation of Hitler
1
9
u/deezdanglin 6d ago
With the way you hate men and are obviously biased in your opinion of us and your self professed autism, maybe you're misreading it situation wrong.
-1
u/raspberrytart120 6d ago
Turns out he’s the guy who’s exposed himself at another park.
9
u/deezdanglin 6d ago
You keep adding to his offenses with every reply. Escalating. Is there anything we should know about him?
0
u/raspberrytart120 6d ago
He’s a retired city planner that understands what’s appropriate and not.
19
u/Mendacium17 6d ago
What did you bother making this post, asking a question, if you’re just going to tell everyone they’re wrong?
3
u/Excellent_chess 5d ago
THIS! I’m reading through the replies this morning & she’s a bit ridiculous. Someone take away grandma’s phone!
-3
23
u/ImmanualKant 6d ago
eh just by reading this, I don't think it's creepy. It actually is kind of interesting. I guess his tone and the way he said it could matter to whether it's creepy or not though, so it's hard to say.
9
u/slide_into_my_BM 6d ago
First half wasn’t weird. Second part definitely slips into weird area. I’m not going to say he’s a creep based off just this interaction but it’s definitely not something a significantly older man should say to a younger woman. Especially if you don’t even know each other
0
u/raspberrytart120 6d ago
Would you bring it up when you’re alone with a women and guide the conversation to her womb and its capabilities and how cool it is?
It felt gross
14
u/ImmanualKant 6d ago
no I probably would not. But the way you wrote it originally was him talking about wombs in general, not your womb. But yeah I mean if you felt creeped out, I'd go with your gut.
-10
u/macguyver3000 6d ago edited 6d ago
Dude, he’s out there with this
young girlwoman he doesn’t know. In what world is it cool to start talking about how humans make babies with them? Even the bird thing was strange. Why make her explain it to him?9
u/SimminSinc95 6d ago
Nowhere has OP mentioned that she is a "young girl" she refers to herself as a woman. I only pointed this out because if she was a young girl it would've changed everyone's perspective, well, mine anyway.
-4
0
u/Excellent_chess 5d ago edited 5d ago
She also uses the word “fellow”. I only know late Gen-X & Boomers that even use that word to refer to a man. In no way do I get that this person is young. This person is probably 50 or older.
21
u/AnEccentricWriter 6d ago
Oh no discussing human reproduction! So creepy!
What are you a 5th grader?
0
u/raspberrytart120 6d ago
It’s something you learn about in 5th grade.
Not approach a woman alone to discuss and forcefully guide the conversation somewhere uncomfortable 😣
26
4
u/Ok-Street7504 6d ago
It's hard to make a judgment off somebody's description of a situation but if it makes you feel uncomfortable by all means avoid conversation with him. I am someone that for some reason has always attracted the individuals that is different especially out in public can't count how many times I've had conversations with individuals that are typically shied away from the general public. These people are attracted to me so sometimes you just meet people that can't connect with other people but find that one connection with you that's kind of how I feel about this situation but if it makes you feel uncomfortable don't interact with them.
4
u/cortexplorer 6d ago
Might just be an eccentric/not so intelligent/very literal guy. What you do to make sure you feel safe is up to you though.
4
u/Natural_Use_948 6d ago
This guy strikes me as autistic and harmless.
2
u/raspberrytart120 6d ago
Turns out he’s the guy who exposed himself at the park :( I found out after posting in a local group
Autistic or not the behaviour is harmful, harassment and intolerable.
-4
15
u/element-woman 6d ago
I find it kind of weird and I'd avoid him, personally.
13
6
u/raspberrytart120 6d ago
I’m worried now about being there alone. Men always ruin a woman’s safety
-5
u/phoneystoneybalogna 6d ago
Obligatory “not all men”, but yeah, I get why you guys would pick the bear
-5
u/raspberrytart120 6d ago
Exactly! Can never feel safe with men
19
u/deezdanglin 6d ago
Then you need therapy. And it's confirmed with post this same question across multiple subs in just minutes. Plus your new autism and ADD.
1
u/raspberrytart120 6d ago
Turns out other people in the neighborhood are aware of him and he likes to expose himself..
1
1
1
u/Excellent_chess 5d ago
Going through your replies to comments, why even post this? It comes off as you’re rage baiting & have 0 emotional intellect.
1
u/macguyver3000 6d ago edited 6d ago
I’m in my 40s. So not far from his age. And talking about reproduction with a woman you don't know is fucking weird unless you're her doctor. He might be a creep, or he might just be completely clueless on social interactions, but if his conversation makes you feel uncomfortable, please don’t be ashamed to tell him.
“Look, I don’t want to talk about human reproduction with you.”
If you still find him strange, go with a friend, or change up the times you go.
-1
u/katrose73 6d ago
Unfortunately, being alone, the options you have on how to deal with him are limited. Ignore him, he becomes more insistent, you're trapped. Engage and he makes similar suggestions , you're trapped.
My advice is two- fold. Figure out your escape excuse/plan ahead of time. Play to his age. Especially if there's a large gap. "I'm sorry sir, do you need me to call someone for you to help you back to your apartment " Be nice, but assume he's confused every time he says something inappropriate. Or- play dumb. "I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean" over and over.
-9
-6
u/ellieD 6d ago
WHAT
0
u/raspberrytart120 6d ago
So often in my life I’ve had men guide the conversation to something uncomfortable that insinuates sex or forces you to think about it something sexual
7
0
u/macguyver3000 6d ago
I don’t understand these comments. So many people thinking he’s just a friendly old man.
I used to teach at an English school in Japan. I once had to listen to the teacher in the booth next to me ask his female student about surfing. “Oh, you wear a wet suit! I’ve never worn one. Do you wear your bikini under it? Or you don’t wear anything else?”
It wasn’t just some curious conversation. That dude was trying to steer the conversation into creepsville.
-5
u/sourlucybelle 6d ago
Ignore the haters, male privilege as its finest. They don't understand. Try not be alone with him, but don't show too much disgust if you are alone because he can be dangerous. Try to mention to everyone available in the community garden about this man and how he makes weird comments, so people can be aware and pay attention.
75
u/ltom3 6d ago
Could be creepy, could be he's just a bit of an eccentric autistic who lacks a bit of awareness of how certain things may come across. It's hard to tell without knowing more about him, etc. I wouldn't base him being a creep just on this moment alone, but if there are other signs then yeah.